13 quotes that prove your toddler is better at swearing than you

All toddlers slip up when they're first getting their tongues around the whole talking business - but as Mumsnetters have learned, there's only a dropped letter between cute mispronunciation and downright obscenity...


"My 18-month-old daughter has started exclaiming 'HOT TITS!', quite loudly and gaily when we're out and about. No idea what she's trying to say…"



"Ours is 'Bitch! Bitch!' at the moment. Followed by frustrated crying when I can't produce the bitch. (No idea what it is)."

Image credit: giphy.com


"When my son was about two, he loved Buzz Lightyear. He couldn't quite say his catchphrase though - his version was 'on titty...and be ODD!'"

Image credit: Wiffle GIF


"My son used to say 'fucking troller' when playing with his Thomas trains..."

Image credit: Thomas and Friends Wiki


"My son's first ever sentence, on discovering the blackberries we'd gone to pick weren't ripe, was 'oh - we're fucked then!'"

Image credit: Huffington Post


"We went to this farm where they have a piglets' race twice a day. We were going through the gate when my three-year-old shouted 'Mummy, Daddy, where are the racist pigs?'"


"My son came up to me, aged three or so, and announced 'Wuh is for Wino!' I was rather taken aback until I remembered he couldn't pronounce 'r' sounds."

Image credit: giphy.com


When my daughter was very small we went to the Beatrix Potter exhibition in the Lake District. In the gift shop, she asked for 'Vagina Puddleduck'."

Image credit: Wikipedia


"Yesterday, my four-year-old daughter was insisting we watched Hairy Bottom -you know, the boy who goes off to wizarding school?"

Image credit: giphy.com


"My three-year-old daughter asked for 'the pisser' on holiday in Skye. She was adamant she wanted the pisser. She meant the midge spray - it made a piss piss sound when we sprayed it."

Image credit: Perez Hilton


"My son couldn't say 'biscuits' for ages, but said 'big tits' instead. He once had a tantrum in Morrisons and shouted 'I want big tits' over and over at the top of his voice."




It turns out cock porn is a common delicacy among under-threes...

"My son went through a stage of shouting 'cock porn'. Turned out he was after popcorn."

"Ah yes, my kids also love cock porn. And yesterday my DS shouted out that he had found a dick. I am assuming what he actually found was a stick."


"My daughter shouts 'let's play hide and seek, you cunt'. I've tried teaching her to say 'I'll hide' instead - but no. I just raise my eyebrows and smile at horrified onlookers now."

Image credit: Huffington Post


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Last updated: 5 months ago