12 signs you're living your life online

Blogger Wry Mummy shares 12 signs you might be overdoing it - ring any bells?


1. You only believe it's raining if the weather app says so

joey looking rain

Image credit: Warner Bros via YouTube and Make A GIF

There were raindrops clearly running down the window. I could hear pattering on the roof. My toddler was pointing outside and saying "Wet!" Yet the other day I actually reached for my phone to check the evidence of my own eyes and ears, crying "but it's not meant to rain till 3pm! The weather app said so!"

 

2. You don't say anything funny out loud any more

instagram

Image credit: MemeCdn

You save it for Facebook and Twitter. You don't point out a rainbow; you Instagram it. Why waste it on those within earshot when you have hundreds at the end of your fingertips?


3. You're thinking about getting a pet – because you need a new password

password

Image credit: Some GIF

You've run through every permutation of Snowy$*@! – your childhood hound – and now you're stuck: how can I come up with a new memorable password root? Well, the kids have been on at you for a guinea pig for ages…


4. If nothing happens when you refresh your screen, a little bit of you dies

waiting

Image credit: Reaction GIFs

Sometimes I find myself pawing down on my IPhone screen like a dog digging for a bone, until something finally 'pops' and I can relax. Yes, it's a promotional mail from ASDA, but at least someone is thinking of me.

 

5. You jump when your phone rings

surprised 

Image credit: Reaction GIFs

My husband was trying to make a call from my phone the other day. "Why is the phone app not even on your homescreen?!" he asked incredulously. "No need in the virtual world, my dear", I nearly answered, before realising I sounded like an online addict. If I actually phone someone, they assume something must be really wrong.

 
6. Your happiness is measured in Likes

muppets like facebook 

Image credit: Disney via Giphy

You don't like anything any more. You Like it. If there's no Like or Favourite button to press, you're not sure how to react. If you don't hit a certain threshold of Likes for your own posts, you feel unwell.

 
7. You don't phone a friend, you search Mumsnet

 fred mumsnet

Image credit: Homepride via Make A GIF

You're not always around other mums when you have a pressing parenting question, and sometimes it's not something you can ask a friend. For example: "On my way to a playdate - what is the ‘nits disclosure’ protocol?" Dr Google can be a bit scary, so advice and anecdotes from other mums online is often just the ticket. When I need cheering up at lunchtime, a quick squiz at the Mumsnet Bloggers' Network gives me a speedier and more relevant hit than searching for kitten YouTubes. Also, you can be way nosier online: I know more about the day-to-day life of my favourite bloggers than my best friend's – and, probably, their own husbands.

 

8. You can't get dressed in the morning

pyjamas

Image credit: FOX via Giphy

I went to my wardrobe today, excited to wear my new 'tiny-bit cashmere' boyfriend cardigan with my grey skinny jeans. Only to remember in the cold light of day, that these are just items in my fantasy shopping bag on ASOS. It's a cheap way to shop, sure, but does virtual clothes ownership help you get dressed?

 
9. Real shops blow your mind 

shopping

Image credit: Giphy

So I went to a real shopping centre. It was like when Dorothy walks into Oz. Everything was in glorious technicolour. When I found myself swiping at a T-shirt expecting it to a) show it in a different colour and b) give a styling suggestion based on a minor celebrity, I realised I needed to shop out more. You get to take the stuff home with you straight away and everything!


10. Your kids are putting you on a screen diet

social not-working modern family

Image credit: ABC via Giphy

Whenever I get my phone out, my baby slaps it and shouts "No!" Until recently, that is: now, in a worrying development, he wearily shoves his head by mine, assuming we are taking yet another mummy/baby selfie. The other night I left the children waiting with bated breath for their bedtime stories while I went to get their milk. Fifteen minutes later, the eldest stumbled blearily downstairs to find me deep in Facebook. "Are you putting us to bed today?" he yawned. The microwave pinged for the 20th time. Accusingly.

 

11. Every website knows your name

welcome to internet pirate

Image credit: Disney via Tumblr and Giphy

Like a cyberworld Cheers, every website seems to have your username autofilled. You spend half your life registering with websites and the other half deleting emails from them.

 

12. Do you have Wifi?

wifi dj

Image credit: FOX via Giphy

You base all decisions on this simple question, from where to go on holiday to where to make an emergency loo stop.

 

 

 

Last updated: almost 2 years ago