The 10 worst dates of all time

Who said romance was dead? Enjoy this selection of Mumsnetters' worst dates ever, as demonstrated by stock photo models

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1. Mr Scratchy Balls


"The man I met after lots of emails/phone calls who was pissed as a fart. As we sat down in the pub he admired my manicured nails and asked if I'd scratch his balls with them. I politely declined." 

2. Denture Dave 

"First date. We went to the cinema, and during the film he took his false teeth out to show me."

3. The Wizard

Man dressed as wizard

"The guy pulled out a magic wand and started waving it about. He made some coins disappear and then put it away. Every five mins or so he'd whip it out again and wave it about and put it away."

4. The Stingebag

Man holding money

"The one where the guy drove 100 miles to take me for dinner, then proceeded to get a pencil and paper out when the bill appeared in order to do the long division needed to split it 50/50."

5. Musical Theatre Man

"He picked me up and took me to a frigging Michael Crawford concert for three hours. Truly awful, especially as my date was obviously moved by the performance and got really emotional and teary."

6. The Hungry Guy

"I once was asked out to dinner by someone who I knew through work, and who seemed normal. I arrived at the restaurant exactly on time to find that not only was he already there, he had already ordered his own meal, it had arrived and he was eating it."

7. Smarmy Origami 

Smarmy man

"He met me wearing jumbo cords and an army and navy jumper with faux leather elbow patches, like some hideous supply teacher from the 70s. At the pub he proceeded to peel the beermats into thin sheets and make origami flowers out of them. Loudly proclaiming, 'A flower for my beautiful lady'."

8. Selfie Steve

Man in suit

"We went for a few drinks, he was nice enough, but not my type physically at all. I went to the loo, and when I came back and sat down again, he showed me his mobile, saying 'Take a look at that'. It was a close up of his huge erection. So that was nice."

9. The Charmer


"He took the piss out of my modest dress and told me my 'puppy fat' was cute. I was a size 8 (but still sturdier than him) Bizarrely, there was a second date, which included me uttering the possibly-outing line: 'Listen, Nige. You and me both know that I could have you in a fight'."

10. Botty GilesMan pinching nose

"I went on many catastrophic dates in my day but the worst was with a toff called Giles, it was a second date. We went to a restaurant in Chelsea and during the course of the meal I was struck down with horrendous diarrhoea - I went to the loos but there was no loo paper so I just thought I'd wing it and headed back to the table. Dinner continued until he leaned over and said in a hushed tone 'Darling are you ok? you smell faintly of botty.' Needless to say I paid up and fled into the night humiliated beyond belief."

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Last updated: over 2 years ago