5 unfair yet immutable rules of the school nativity play

nativity play

Not everyone gets to be Mary, the narrator is sure to forget their lines and the sheep will almost certainly do something unspeakable… Mumsnetters share other universal rules of the nativity play

Shirley Temple looks will get you everywhere

shirley temple

“I was Mary every year, apart from two stints as the Angel Gabriel. Ah, the joys of being blonde and angelic-looking.”

Teachers are legally obliged to give a 'part' to every child

Ross Friends

“I was a grain of sand.”

“I was half a worm in a school play once. Yes – half a worm.”

“My friend's child was the anus. Her line was 'I am the anus and I get rid of waste'. (Whose anus was in the nativity play? Mary's perhaps – on the birthing table?)”

School governors are the Kimye of UK primary schools


“All school governors, including parent ones, get front row seats at productions. The rest of us can't see a thing.”

If your child gets a starring role, you will see a new side to other parents

Mine was better

“My daughter was picked quite out of the blue as the main part in a school play. One of the mums whose child normally got the main role came up to me and said, 'I don't understand why your daughter has got the part – there isn't anything special about her.'”

A starring role does not necessarily translate into future life success…

who's laughing now

…but failing to secure said role will leave you bitter forever.

“Our Mary was always the same girl – pretty, brainy, intelligent. By all accounts she's a drug addict now.”

And when in doubt, remember this wise maxim…

i care sort of

“There are two types of people in the world: those who admit they get pissed off when their child doesn't get the part of Mary in the nativity… and fucking liars.”