Things that are only true about Christmas when you're pregnant

Pregnant woman christmas

Pros: you get to put your feet up and eat copious amounts of mince pies
Cons: you can't drink anything and you have to spend time with the in-laws – sober

You realise you were once a festive alcoholic

Steve Carrell The Office

“Last year I had a very stressful Christmas trying to get away with not drinking – I’m rather ashamed at how much I used to drink in order to get through our families' Christmases.”

And that your friends are a bit idiotic

Bridesmaids

“I relished watching my friends get drunk and taking note of their silly behaviour to remind them of the following day.”

But at the same time, all the alcohol has never smelled so good

All the alcohol

“Oh how I miss Baileys. Mulled wine. Champagne. I’m drooling just imagining it.”

Pâté is an evil, cruel tease

Pate

“Pâté was the killer for me – deliciously smooth and spreadable pâté on a crispy slice of baguette. Possibly with some cheese. And nuts. I’m getting carried away.”

As are many other wonderfully tasty things

Smoked salmon

“I don’t care that I’m fat – but boy, I’m missing the cheese and salmon. And booze."

But eating-for-two has never tasted better

Emma Stone

“Obviously you have to forgo some tasty treats, but getting to eat mince pies, chocolates and turkey and cranberry sandwiches for two… well, I’m certainly not complaining.”

Christmas adverts should be avoided at all costs

advertss

“I cry at EVERY advert and every film – even the ones that aren’t sad. Basically, if they have a song in them, or people move, I cry.”

As should dancing to Mariah Carey

Pregnant woman dancing

“I never realised how much my boobs ached until I tried to dance to ‘Baby, All I Want for Christmas Is You’.”

You actually get to relax

Woman taking her bra off

“Feet up on the sofa, plate of food within arm’s reach at all time, lots of films – and nobody nagging me or asking me to do things. And Christmas dinner cooked for me. Bliss.”

You feel very smug, all the time

So fresh and so clean

“No hangovers. No drunken antics. No insulting your boss at the Christmas party. Win, win.”

And Christmas is magical again because…

Mother and baby at Christmas

“Remember that next year you're going to be sharing all this with a tiny, new little person.”