13 of the most bizarre things children have said


From the slightly odd to the downright terrifying, Mumsnetters' children have some interesting ice-breakers. We've compiled a list of the weirdest (and will be keeping it safe somewhere, just in case). You can read the rest here if you dare.

1. The one with the very modern family

brand new

''My partner works away a lot. My two-year-old mused: 'I have one mummy' to which we said yes, she did. She then declared she has 'two daddies, one called Bobby'. WTF?''

2. The one with the killer instincts (or not)


''Completely out of nowhere, my two-year-old son turned to me and said, affectionately: 'Don’t worry, mummy, I won't chop YOUR head off.' Makes me worry what he has planned for everyone else, to be honest.''

3. The one with the budding cytologist

child scientist

''We'd had our cat neutered recently, I happened to mention the part he had had removed. She said 'Poor little sperms. I love sperm'.''

4. The ones that are Going On Our List


''A colleague's DD just started reception and whispered to her new teacher: 'Don't worry, I like you so I won't hurt you'.''

''DD3, aged four, announced: 'My favourite things are knives and blood!' We watch that one very closely and are hoping she'll be a surgeon rather than a serial killer. ''

5. The one that was looking out of the window during biology lessons

day dreaming

''DD asked tonight when pigs were invented. She is 16.''

6. The one with WAY TOO MANY questions

child thinking

''When people die, do they all just watch us? When you die, do you turn into aliens? If you hold money in this hand, do you go into space? When you die, why do they bury you? How do ghosts get up if they've got no body? What if they put you on that big fire? How do they know you're dead before they burn you? Do dogs come back as ghosts when they die? What about cats?''

7. The one that’s just a bit hard to read

confused woman

''I offer this from my DD: 'Inscrutable faces are for bedtime. When you go to bed you have to have YOUR inscrutable face.'''

8. The one giving Susie Dent a run for her money

dent laughing

DD, aged three, was playing 'how many words can you guess beginning with', and told me: 'L is for libertine.'''

9. The one you can’t take anywhere

cheeky child

''When DS was two we went to a restaurant with my attractive Danish friend. She asked if DS could sit on her lap. DS very happily did – then put his hand down her top and shouted 'BRA!' at the top of his voice.''

10. The one that is a step ahead

head tapping

''DD aged six: I wish you were blind.
Me: What? Why would you wish that?
DD: Because then we could have a dog.''

11. The ones that are just a bit too spooky


“Mummy, it hates you and wants you to get out of this house.”

''DD told me 'Mummy the man in the top hat wants you. He's standing behind you. He used to live here until he died.'' My daughter is fucking terrifying.''

12. The one who needs to get out a bit more

i'm out

''Oldest DS when he was three, loudly at about 4am: 'Look mummy, I've just done a poo and it looks EXACTLY like a dinosaur. I thought you'd like to see it.'''

13. The one that has rendered us speechless (but we’d quite like to have over for tea)

shocked duck

''When DS was about two-and-a-half he was sitting quietly with his eyes closed and a huge smile on his face. I asked him what he was thinking about. He replied: 'Oh nothing really, just what it would feel like to kill a duck’.''