11 things you wish your kids would say

little girl

It's not always possible to muster the patience to humour your (mostly) well-meaning offspring when they ask you 'why' or tell you they've lost something for the 17th time in three hours. So it's perfectly natural to find yourself wishing they'd say something along these lines instead…

They're planning ahead – and aren't taking any risks in the needing-a-wee stakes

boy toilet

“Long car journey, you say? Best I go to the toilet first, then.”

You've done more than your fair share of cooking and they want to take the load off

woman sofa reading

“I'll make my own dinner. Watch the telly and put your feet up.”

Of course they want to clean their own room

child cleaning room

“You know, Mum, you're right, my room is a pigsty. Please excuse me while I tidy it – I’ll be back down shortly with the mouldy cups.”

They would never terrorise the pets…

grumpy cat

“I don't think the cat likes it when I turn her upside down. I won't do that anymore.”

They've listened to your you-have-a-laundry-basket-so-please-use-it rant and are taking the relevant action

clothes pile

“Of course I won't step out of my clothes like a second skin and leave them in a heap beside my bed.”

They've accepted the bin bag fairy doesn't exist

boy putting out bins

“I think I'll take the bins out, rather than attempting to play bin bag Jenga.”

They're not jealous of their younger sibling and wouldn't dream of causing them harm

baby pen lid

“Here is a pen lid I considered shoving up my brother's nose, but with A&E waiting times being what they are, I shan't bother.”

They avoid Sunday night homework wars like the plague

hooray homework

“I'm going to go home and do my homework straight away – then it's done.”

They know that negotiating screen time rules with a pre-teen is The. Actual. Worst. – so they don't put you through it


“That's enough Minecraft for today.”

What we said above? Yeah, that

child laptop

“D'you know what? I've gone off YouTube.”

They can't get enough of Desert Island Discs

taylor swift

“Can we listen to Radio 4 instead of Taylor Swift?”

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