7 things we'd like to say to Shakespearean characters
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1. On emotional maturity
"Hamlet, you're too old for all this emo teenage angst… go out and get a job and stop all the dithering about. And while you're at it, dump Ophelia - before Horatio gets tired of waiting for you."
2. On not always going for hero guy
"If I were Juliet, I'd have sacked Romeo off for Mercutio."
3. On sharpening up one's domestic skills
"Lady Macbeth: you need to change your washing powder, love."
4. On communicating in a relationship
"Desdemona and Othello, why on earth didn't you just talk to each other instead of listening to odious Iago?"
5. On appreciating the effort, if not the result
[for Olivia, from Twelfth Night] "Malvolio dressed up in yellow stockings and fancy garters and pranced around for you? No bloke ever dressed up and danced for me."
6. On the limits of role play
[for Isabella, from Measure for Measure] "Okay, so he might shag you if you dress up as a nun - but is this really the best foundation for a lasting relationship? Do you want your only chance of a sex life to involve a wimple?"
7. On growing a beard as a wooing technique
[for Benedick, from Much Ado About Nothing] "If my husband tried to grow one, he'd not be getting any kisses till he shaved it off!"
And one for Shakespeare teachers: pfft to the prologue
"When we did Shakespeare in secondary school I got cast as 'the Prologue' and never got to dress up in the pretty clothes. Still stroppy."
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