12 ways giving birth can make you just a bit loopy

"Thank goodness it wasn't just me!" - Mumsnetters share their most bizarre post-birth thoughts and experiences

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1. The one with the roaming gnu

"I remember waking up during the night after I had my twins and saying to my husband that there was a gnu at the door. All through my labour that bloody thing had been in and around the room saying 'I'm a gnu and I'm coming the noo'. In my defence, I'd had pethidine, gas and air, AND an epidural."


2. The one with the ghostly cat


"I was whisked off to the tertiary hospital in an ambulance. I held a polite conversation with the registrar and the ambulance crew, while patting a cat. The registrar and ambulance crew also patted the cat. There was no cat."


3. The one with the real life Snapchat filter 


"For the first 24 hours of her life, my daughter was surrounded by sparkles that only I could see. It was like lots of glittery confetti. It was quite lovely."


4. The one with the labour ward singalong


"With my first-born, I tried to get all the staff to sing Happy Birthday to the poor doctor who was stitching me up. I sang loudly and waved my hands around, encouraging everybody to join in. It wasn't his birthday, but it seemed absolutely the right thing to do at the time."


5. The one with Rodney


"I asked the doctor, when I was in labour, if he realised how like Rodney Trotter he looked. He laughed it off but I insisted it was true (because it was) and told him to ring his wife and ask her."


6. The one with Eddie


"Eddie Izzard came into my room, and I remember telling my husband he wasn't as funny in real life. Probably because he wasn't Eddie Izzard - he was a consultant who was telling us our son had jaundice."


7. The one with the namecheck


"During my second night on the ward, I became convinced that my son was called Matthew (he wasn't), and had to remind myself over and over of his real name. Unfortunately, I kept reminding myself his real name was Robert (it wasn't that either)."


8. The one with the baby in the bag  


"I woke up in the middle of the night to find myself frantically rummaging through a shopping bag that had been left next to the bed, looking for my baby. I was convinced I had stored the baby in the bag for the night."


9. The one with the rude breast pump 

"I thought my breast pump was saying 'little brat little brat little brat little brat' over and over to me as I sat there vainly trying to lactate."


10. The one with the staring nappies


"I got angry with my husband for staring at me while I was asleep. Turned out it wasn't my husband - it was a pack of nappies being lit up by a night light."


11. The one with the trust issues

Hamster

"I remember saying to my husband, when my baby boy was a few hours old, 'If I fall asleep make sure they don't swap him for a hamster'."


12. The one with the Obama delusion 

 

"I remember my husband driving us home at about 5mph. It was like being in a presidential cavalcade."


Be guided through the ups and downs of early parenthood with our app: Mumsnet Baby Bundle, in association with Nurofen for Children.


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Last updated: 18 days ago