PFB: "Precious First Born" parenting confessions

First-time parent? Noticed that you've been acting little highly-strung lately? Rest assured: you're not alone

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"When I had my first child I wouldn't let anybody take a photo of him in hospital, as I was convinced the flash would hurt his eyes."

no photos baby

"The first time that I went out without my son (for three hours), I insisted on five people babysitting. I begged my best friend who was looking after him to bring her friends - one a paramedic, the other a firefighter - 'just in case'. He was already asleep when I left the house too."

Fireman Sam

"I went away for the weekend with my friends and their precious firstborn. They took all the cushions off the seats and sofa and leant them up against anything that had a 'sharp edge' and we all had to perch on seats without cushions on."

shake head sofa cushion

"We had ONE small step in the hall. And a stairgate."

stairgate safety

"A friend and her husband would get up together to change their daughter's nappy several times in the night, not only cleaning her with water and cotton wool, but then gently blow drying her bum with the hairdryer. She was chatting to her neighbour and asked if they were ever disturbed by the baby's crying. The neighbour assured her they were not but that they had been woken once or twice by what sounded like a hairdryer."


"I ate the bubbles from my baby's bath to make sure they weren't poisonous." 

"When I looked round a potential nursery I asked if it was safe to keep the toys on shelves and if the shelves were properly mounted because I thought a toy might fall on my precious firstborn's head."

toy fall off shelf

"I ran past moving cars as I thought the exhausts were too near pram level."

mother running with pram

"I threw away all the vegetables, including roast potatoes, for our Sunday dinner because my husband had 'contaminated' them by putting a tiny amount of salt and pepper on them."

hazardous waste disposal

"When my precious firstborn was little I used to do a Pramercise class. I dressed my two-month-old daughter in sportswear to do it. Yes, I would be sagging around the park in my ratty old trainers and one of my partner's T-shirts, while PFB slept through the whole thing in her pale pink tracksuit from The White Company." 

sporty baby 

"The first time I went on a train journey with precious firstborn I took a packet of wipes, and scrubbed down every inch of the wall/tray/seat within reach, in case he should brush against them."

wiping clean

"We have no history of allergies in our families but when I started weaning my son, if there was anything that (I thought) might possibly cause an allergic reaction - strawberries, seafood etc - I would put the food in a pot, park near the hospital and feed him there - just in case."

"My friend used to check through and sieve play sand before her child played in it, just in case. 'In case of' what I'm not sure, in a covered sandpit kept in a private garden..." 

sand in hands

"I had about 12 pairs of soft pram shoes to match each baby outfit and can remember the feeling of panic when I realised that I didn't have a purple pair to match some dungarees. I went shopping that day and managed to find some - the relief!"

baby shoes

"I'd make two separate dishes for my son every day and stick his day's menu to the fridge."

baby menu unimpressed

"My son accidentally clonked himself on the head with a plastic rattle and (understandably) was howling. I was hysterical and my husband was almost phoning NHS direct. Both of us sat there with the rattle hitting ourselves on the head with it to gauge exactly how hard it was."

hitting heads

"When my son was nine months' old we'd booked a holiday to the Canaries. Being very informed and clever first-time parents we took the precautionary measure of also booking a Manchester-London flight for the sole purpose of gauging his 'flightability', before we set forth on the mammoth four-hour real flight. Armed with most of the stock of ELC, we spent the 45 minute flight beaming with pride as our obviously gifted traveller slept all the way there and back."

baby on plane  

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Last updated: 4 months ago