Work life balance or being comfortable financially

[0ut0fmydepth]

I know it’s hard to say without specifics but in general would you consider giving up a reasonable paid FT middle management job, wfh, good holidays, pension etc but that is stressful and unfulfilling for a low paid, no responsibility part time job that means loads more time for kids, yourself, keeping on top of housework etc?

Partner working FT, long hours, decent pay but with little involvement with the kids. Feeling very guilty about lack of time and fun with kids lately as both tired and grumpy but big drop in household income would also impact them. Financially comfortable for the first time really.

Recent sudden bereavement has also left me with itchy feet, life’s too short etc. Been with current company nearly 20 years because it’s fit around kids. No idea what I want to do longer term but just feel I need a break.

Just thinking out loud really, any advice?

[MegBusset]

Is improving your work - life balance an option within your current role? Eg compressed or reduced hours. Can you look for more fulfilment within the company - a change of role, a new project?

Once you've moved from a professional to a low paid pt job, it's hard to go back. Ask me how I know.

[Hungry675tf]

Hmm...there is a lot going on there OP.

You mention a partner who has "little involvement in the kids" whilst you're also juggling a high pressure FT job.

To me, it sounds like you taking on a lower paid PT job isn't the answer here. More that your partner needs to pull their finger out and share the load?

[MegBusset]

Also can your partner reduce their hours too? No reason why it should all be on you. Much more tax efficient than having one high earner, too.

[Justcannotbearsed]

I'm sorry for your loss. I think after a bereavement we can re-evaluate. But it's not always the best time to make big decisions.

Can you take a break - like a couple of weeks off, do some different things rather than do anything drastic. Try and work out if there are other ways you could work, wfh or or ask about working part time or dropping a day a week.

Or get a cleaner? Dropping a well paid job to do household jobs seems a little odd.

Stepping down now will have a huge impact financially particularly on your pension.

Is there another job you could transfer to?

But making big decisions after a bereavement - give it time to sink in would be the usual advice.

[0ut0fmydepth]

Thanks for replies

No possibility of reduced or compressed hours in current role unfortunately.
To be fair to partner he does do what he can (when asked!) but his job is full on and stressful - also higher paid than mine. I’m still left planning, organising, sorting everything though and feel the kids are getting a rough deal.

[SingItToWinIt]

would you consider giving up a reasonable paid FT middle management job, wfh, good holidays, pension etc but that is stressful and unfulfilling for a low paid, no responsibility part time job

In short, no. You're looking at the two extremes. There's a wide margin between a well paid FT job and low paid PT job.

Like a pp suggested, could you look at improving your current job? Dropping hours or going PT there? And the same for your OH?

We both work full time compressed hours so only 4 days each. I'm off Thursdays, he's off Fridays, both off weekends. It makes a massive difference 'only' having 3 days a week of childcare to consider. Plus we both get household stuff done on our weekdays off leaving weekends largely free.

[0ut0fmydepth]

I would definitely say the same to others about not giving up a well paid role but it’s something I’ve just fallen into and have no interest in at all really.

[SingItToWinIt]

Sorry op cross posted.

Could you look at other jobs with similar pay and benefits but compressed or fewer hours?

[0ut0fmydepth]

Thanks, I think I will ask about compressed or reduced hours, they can only say no! Partner will definitely not be able to reduce/compress, he is going for a promotion at the moment.

[PersonaNonGarter]

Don’t drop your income.

Between you, your partner needs to do much more.

[MilkCereal]

I'm going against the grain but I would change jobs. Life too short. I've just dropped my hours as both of us ft and kids in afterschool club too much. Life is too stressful so I've made the decision short term to change it. Tighter financially but No regrets.

[Keepitonthedownlow]

Definitely ask about compressed or reduced. Low pay jobs are often stressful too. Unless there is one you have in mind. Working from home is generally less likely on low pay.

[0ut0fmydepth]

Thanks @MilkCereal Good to see it’s worked for you

I really don’t enjoy working from home, I’m quite introverted so the less I interact with people the less I want to. I feel very lonely sometimes and hate the kids all being off in their rooms on devices while I’m sat working.

[genericusername789]

I debate this every day.

[thinkningaboutit]

The partner bit would give me cause for concern. What would happen if you separated?

The boards are awash with women facing financial difficulty after going part time, being the lower earner and having no financial security through marriage. Long term pension implications needs to be considered too.

It's tough and ultimately you need to find what makes you happy but do it knowing all the risks.

[0ut0fmydepth]

Yes @thinkningaboutit - that is always in the back of my mind

[Toohardtofindaproperusername]

How old are you? For a woman to stop unprofessional high paid job and fo to low paid unprofessional job coul me be disastrous... creates dependency in relationship, thwarts you in any career ...
If you have just had a bereavement it's understandable to reassess. But please dont jump too hastily into a change that has big repercussions. Have you take much time off.. could you take some extended sick leave for example? And then consider another role, less hours but still using yo ih r skills? Pr, like others have said .. outsoucmrce outsource outsource.
How old are your kids? Does your dh feel the impact too and want to address parental and family responsibilities? Or is it hust left to you to do the wife work of considering the family's emotional needs as well as financial.
Sorry for your loss.... take good care and time off. We have sick leave for a reason and it is for times like this.

[IglesiasPiggletheSecond]

You sound like me OP! I would be reluctant to give up your job, it is so hard to get to a reasonable financial position and level of responsibility and to give it all up would be too risky for me. Think of your pension too.

Can you outsource stuff? Cleaner/housekeeper who will do a bit of kid stuff or run errands for you? There are people who will do this and sounds like you could afford to pay for them?

[0ut0fmydepth]

Thank you @Toohardtofindaproperusername
That makes sense and you’ve hit the nail on the head, I seem to be the only one concerned about the emotional well-being of the family. Kids are pre-teen/early teen and need a lot of emotional support at the moment. Thought it would get easier as they got older but it’s just hard in a different way!

[Animood]

You're being very "black and white" in your thinking here. It's not one or the other.

Step 1 is asking work for change of schedule ie compressed hours.

Step 2 would be asking work to do 4 days not 5.

Step 3 would be applying for similar positions but negotiating better terms around work life balance at the outset.

There are other things you can do too. Everything that is non kid related- outsource. So the time you do have is spent having quality time with the kids.

[0ut0fmydepth]

It’s so hard isn’t it @IglesiasPiggletheSecond, to know what to do for the best. But I think this thread is making me see I’m thinking short term at the moment and need to consider what will happen in the future. I will definitely look at other things we can put in place to try and ease the load

[0ut0fmydepth]

Thanks @Animood - you’re right and that sounds like a plan!

[4amstarts]

Why should you be given precedence over work life balance compared to your partner? You either both do it or neither that's the fairest way. Why should he presumably have to bare the brunt financially of something that only really benefits you?

[0ut0fmydepth]

That’s a bit harsh@4amstarts, I’ve sacrificed my own career to facilitate his for the last 15 years. It’s not really my work life balance I’m concerned with, it’s making time for our children. I’m not proposing I spend my time off having coffee and getting my nails done.

[Marmight]

Assuming that you are not married, DO NOT give up your good job
If will leave you very vulnerable if you split up in the future as the no-pay/lower paid partner.