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Those who left a bad job: What was your 'I have to leave' moment?

(64 Posts)
CloudsCanLookLikeSheep Sat 26-Sep-20 12:18:26

I'm in the process of trying to leave a job, which is well paid and stable, so you are probably thinking why to do such a thing in a recession, but I am working for a narcissistic, bullying boss who insists on micromanaging me and undermining me in front of my clients.

My 'I have to get out' moment is when I realised she had get again hijacked my work, going behind my back/without my knowledge to the client and completely changing all the advice I'd given,/work I'd done but then cc'ing me on an email to client to make a minor change on a document she'd provided to let them know who was really in charge and publicly humiliating me further. Yes, it's a recession and the job market is screwed and I'm lucky to have an income until I can find something else, but I can't stay any longer working for someone like that.

Anyone else care to share their war stories?

OP’s posts: |
SnapCackleFlop Sat 26-Sep-20 12:24:07

I’m in a similar position in that I’m trying to weigh up if it’s worth staying on in my current job. I work almost entirely from home so feel it’s unlikely I’ll get anything else like that. There is so much that’s just soul destroying in my current job and I’m trying to decide if the money’s worth it or if I just cut my losses and leave.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep Sat 26-Sep-20 12:52:13

SnapCackleFlop

I’m in a similar position in that I’m trying to weigh up if it’s worth staying on in my current job. I work almost entirely from home so feel it’s unlikely I’ll get anything else like that. There is so much that’s just soul destroying in my current job and I’m trying to decide if the money’s worth it or if I just cut my losses and leave.

Its so tough at the moment isn't it. It's usually tough job hunting at the best of times, but if you are really unhappy there is usually something else out there even if not your dream job. Also I feel bad moaning about a job when others would be grateful just for the income if they have lost theirs, but it doesn't make my situation any better subjectively, just because others are worse off. Chin up and just think of pay day eh?

OP’s posts: |
Fatted Sat 26-Sep-20 12:55:19

Mine was when a member of the public left a voicemail on my phone telling me to put down my sandwich and answer the phone.
Arse wipe didn't stop to think I might actually you know, be on the phone to someone else. It doesn't sound a lot probably, but it was the straw that broke me.

SedentaryCat Sat 26-Sep-20 13:03:05

This was many years ago and my 'I've got to leave' moment was when I realised how inflexible they were. Very happy for me to give extra time to them - my finish time on a Friday was 12 noon, but I was often told asked to stay back and help with some 'urgent' work. Once I was required to go through a spreadsheet double-checking the bonus calculations for every one of 500+ staff(!!) under the supervision of a senior member of the team. There were many similar arse covering exercises that I had to perform, usually on a Friday afternoon. Odd that. I often didn't leave the office until gone 5 and one Friday I didn't get home until 9pm.

Anyhow, I was 15-20 minutes late a couple of times due to traffic and was hauled in and given a verbal warning. It was at this point that I realised it was time to go.

It was a toxic environment anyway but this was the final straw. You'd think HR would know better...

31133004Taff Sat 26-Sep-20 13:10:57

When I said to my boss that I didn’t have the capacity to take on an additional task that was essentially about their self promotion of being the hero. If I’d agreed, the task would have impacted negatively on my annual appraisal if I was not managing the workload directed in my job description. Her response, “I’ll get one of my slaves to do it.” I was working my arse off and realised “slave” was the name of the game and this was it. I resigned without another job to go but my reference was in tact. That was in February. Got temp work immediately. Was affected by lockdown but have always had my emergency fund. It was worth it. I hate to think how work would have been like during first spike with a boss desperate to be everyone’s hero and achieving that by delegating the additional workload.

orangejuicer Sat 26-Sep-20 13:14:17

Not a bad job but a bad boss.

It was years on him expecting me to be someone I'm not and doing things his way, which I wasnt happy with (he's a bully, it wasn't just me).

I applied for 3 jobs, was reserve for 2 and got offered the third, so I think I was due to move on anyway.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe Sat 26-Sep-20 13:18:02

Our CEO was a twat but the final straw was when he said we weren't allowed a microwave in the kitchen anymore because he didn't like the smell. I countered it by eating tinned fish every day, the smellier the better grin However that was when I decided to leave, it was better than being sacked for telling the CEO to fuck off.

twilightcafe Sat 26-Sep-20 13:19:38

Working in further education admin, where I am expected to do the job of three people with no thanks, support or pay rise.
Woke up one morning and said to DH that I am not paid enough and there are not enough hours in the day to put up with sleepless nights over my workload.
Accepted a new job last week. It felt so GOOD to hand in my notice, knowing I'll be out of there in a few weeks.

AspergersMum Sat 26-Sep-20 13:21:34

Being physically sick every morning before work was my cue to leave. Hugs to people currently stuck in horrible situations in this economy. Hope you all can find better environments to work in too.

SittingAround1 Sat 26-Sep-20 13:22:16

Mine was after spending around 6 months not doing much, not advancing or learning anything. I was bored. So I went to speak to my boss to say I wanted more involvement, more responsibility and to advance in my career. He responded very positively so I was optimistic.

New projet starts and it was the same as usual. I left a few months later as soon as I had another job.

My boss was an awful manager and the people below him weren't any better. The whole environment was wrong.

MrsKellySeveride Sat 26-Sep-20 13:29:47

My "got to get out" moment was when I was informed that one of the managers immediately senior to me, who I had supported through her meteoric rise to success, had gone to our big manager because I had taken 1 day of carer's leave. The big manager was worked like a puppet and issued a send-to-all "of anyone asks for carer's leave, please ask them to either take annual leave or make the time up" email (quite clearly aimed at me as no one else had taken carer's leave in the preceding few weeks - when challenged about it, the response was "we left it a few days so that you wouldn't know it was aimed at you").

After much debate, the big manager realised that she had been manipulated into going against government guidelines for parents and held out the olive branch to me. When she asked what she could do to make things right, I replied "help me get my CV sorted so that I can leave". She wasn't surprised when my resignation letter landed on her desk a few weeks later having bagged a big promotion elsewhere.

My new colleagues look after each other and would never deal with issues so terribly. As a single parent with very little I the way of back up, 1 day of carer's leave in my child's 16 years on the planet is pretty amazing in my opinion.

smile

KunekuneKristmasCake Sat 26-Sep-20 13:33:52

Crying every morning before work where my manager was trying to make the workplace toxic enough that I would resign.

KickAssAngel Sat 26-Sep-20 13:43:34

One weekend a thought about work flitted across my mind, and I started having a panic attack. Even after I left, when I went back for a social call with my colleagues I could feel my heart racing and my palms were sweaty.

Chrestomanci3 Sat 26-Sep-20 13:47:17

I worked part-time and noticed I was feeling sick on my working days, but not my non-working days. On a non-working day, coming out of a hospital visit to a sick relative to find numerous missed calls on my phone, bollocking me for not picking up - this was on my personal phone as obviously I didn't carry my work phone and laptop everywhere with me on non-working days. Cancelling my planned morning off on the day, having only taken 1 days holiday in the previous 7 months and talking about cancelling my allocated 1 week holiday in August (despite it being approved 8 months the previously and balance paid). Those were my breaking points. I left and have gone into a different industry and am much happier. My pay packet is much lower and I sometimes regret the loss of status, but it was the right decision for me at the time, I couldn't have continued as it was.

Hardbackwriter Sat 26-Sep-20 13:47:38

Mine wasn't a bad job, just the wrong job for me at that stage in my life, but mine was being sat alone in a Wagamama's in a random town on the other side of the country looking at photos of my baby on my phone and just thinking 'what am I doing, why am I here?'. I moved to something less interesting but with no travel and much shorter hours and have been happy with the decision ever since.

UggyPow Sat 26-Sep-20 13:49:10

When I was sat in a meeting with Senior Management & my LM blamed her error on me & then took the credit for my work as hers - knew I was never going to get the training & progression promised as it made me too much of a threat to her position.
Worked my notice, set up my own business & now earn more working less hours grin

gertrudemortimer Sat 26-Sep-20 13:51:03

I loved my job but pay was never on time then over Christmas my December pay was paid at the end of January. I got all remaining money owed before I left. It had been a year of late pay and never an explanation, apology or even a date when we'd get paid. The Christmas one took the biscuit. Owner asked us all to go out for a Christmas meal at the beginning of January but she couldn't pay towards it... none of us had been paid for December hmm Crazy. No idea how it's still running

hilariousnamehere Sat 26-Sep-20 13:53:06

Being told I should treat the CEO like a king because he paid my salary. He didn't even own the company 😂 found a much nicer job for a few years and then went self employed smile

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep Sat 26-Sep-20 13:56:15

Oblahdeeoblahdoe

Our CEO was a twat but the final straw was when he said we weren't allowed a microwave in the kitchen anymore because he didn't like the smell. I countered it by eating tinned fish every day, the smellier the better grin However that was when I decided to leave, it was better than being sacked for telling the CEO to fuck off.

ha ha love the tinned fish thing -that's the kind of thing I'd do.

OP’s posts: |
Charleyhorses Sat 26-Sep-20 13:56:41

Only done this once.
Literally decided whilst driving in that I was going to walk out at lunch.
Terrible pay vs responsibilities. I had been there 11 months. Final straw was 2 snakes in the grass arseholes. One senior said "come and tell me if you are not happy". The complete sentence should have been"so I can repeat it verbatim to the new CEO, and he can bring it up with you the first time you meet". The second was some One I thought I could trust but realised in the same meeting that she had stabbed me the front.
I cannot tell you the delight I had in the look of horror when I told her I was leaving that minute.
I was on the beach by 2.
Bunch of fuckers!

thisusernameismine Sat 26-Sep-20 14:01:17

I returned from mat leave late last year and one of the founders (who I had worked with for over a decade) decided I couldn't do my job properly in my now 3-day week so cut my salary without consulting me. As soon as I found this out I kicked off and was reimbursed etc etc. He tried to reduce my salary again after that during several meetings (I told him in no uncertain terms that wasn't legal). At that point I wanted to leave anyway, but it wasn't until a month or two into the pandemic he tried it AGAIN - now blaming these strange times. Fuck off. I left with a big settlement (maternity/sex discrimination).

I have a sideline job anyway that I was doing out of hours so have taken on more work there, but I was hating that day job anyway so on reflection - despite the awful time that horrible person put me through - what a blessing in disguise!

Glad you have made up your mind and realised your self worth - good luck with everything smile

boriselbow Sat 26-Sep-20 14:02:16

I had a few moments where I should have simply walked out but it took months for me to finally leave. A few of the moments that should have made me leave were:
- Boss instructed me to give a junior colleague a telling off for not being a team player when he was not in the office the same hours as the rest of us. He was coming in late and leaving on time for a few weeks as he was visiting his pregnant wife in hospital (she had a life limiting illness and pregnancy complications). When I explained this I was told that I had to stop mothering him- if he was doing this now he'd be even worse when there was a baby at home.
- Boss disagreed with my view on a matter (relating to an area that I have several qualifications in but he had none) that was critical to advice we were giving a client. When I tried to explain myself and offered to find evidence to support by view he told me to stop wasting time and just do write what he told me. When, inevitably, the advice was torn to shreds by other advisers I was told that I should have been more convincing and should not have allowed advice to be sent out knowing it was wrong.
- Boss asked me to do some work that should have been done by a specialist design team but he had left it too late to book them. I expressed reservations about being able to do the job properly and how this would affect me if I couldn't. He assured me he would be happy with whatever I could manage in the limited time and I would not be appraised on it. Then screamed at me for not using proper professionals if I couldn't do the job properly and used it as a reason to give me a lower appraisal grade.
- Absolute final straw. Boss left me and a colleague in the office finishing a report (that he had delegated late and promised to deliver the next day) whilst he went out for dinner with his partner and some friends. I left just before midnight to get my last train home, leaving a male colleague (who lived practically next door to the office) to run a spell check and print a few copies for the morning. Boss (clearly playing up for the audience of friends I could hear in the background) called me just as I got on the train to tell me I was not a team player and he would 'deal with me in the morning' .

Boss was also allowed to conduct my exit interview and started by saying that he had 'currently' given me a decent reference and hoped that I was not going to be 'one of those women who try to cause trouble as the go out of the door'. Makes me suspect I was not the first person to have enough of him!

Deadringer Sat 26-Sep-20 14:02:27

Killing a bird with a spade while small children watched.

OhDear2200 Sat 26-Sep-20 14:18:38

KickAssAngel

One weekend a thought about work flitted across my mind, and I started having a panic attack. Even after I left, when I went back for a social call with my colleagues I could feel my heart racing and my palms were sweaty.

This.

Having physical symptoms and reactions all the time as a result of intrusive thoughts about work. I used to get up at 4am to do work just to get rid of those thoughts.

My DH told me it was no way to live.

I still can’t drive to the town that I worked in, I’m sure it is a form of PTSD!

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