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Imposter syndrome anxiety!

(15 Posts)
Sinker Fri 18-Sep-20 14:00:33

Hoping for some advice on here.

I have major imposter syndrome at work which is causing crippling anxiety. I am afraid to speak up in meetings and nervous when speaking to senior people. I feel constantly judged and therefore say silly things and can’t get my words out. I don’t feel good enough.

Does anyone else get like this?

OP’s posts: |
Anothernamebitesthedust Fri 18-Sep-20 15:22:57

Yes! Me!

I’m not sure of the answer...I’ve been reading a lot about it lately though - Leaning In by Sheryl Sandberg is a good starting point, and also a book called The Confidence Code. Too soon to say if it’s really making a difference - in my head it is but haven’t had chance to test it out for real yet so we’ll see.

What’s definitely helping is realising/ reminding myself that so many people feel like this - I never realised till recently it was a thing. I thought it was just me and I only feel like this because I AM rubbish, I’ve blagged my apparently successful career, I’ve ‘got away with it’ so far, etc. (FWIW I am fairly senior public sector.)

Be interested to hear what others think.

willowboom Fri 18-Sep-20 15:42:13

Oh I really suffer with this too. No advice unfortunately but really interested in hearing what others have to say.

I have a senior leadership role and I have serious anxiety about my manager realising they made a terrible mistake in promoting me. I definitely struggle with speaking up in meetings etc, although I do force myself to do it. I also find myself apologising for stuff I probably shouldn't (like, you know, existing).

It takes a huge effort to keep up my confident facade and I often feel drained by it. I would love to enjoy my job (which is great) without the fear of losing it or manically calculating how we will afford to survive on one salary.

So no help, but it is a relief to know that others feel like this too!

Anothernamebitesthedust Fri 18-Sep-20 15:57:24

willowboom

Oh I really suffer with this too. No advice unfortunately but really interested in hearing what others have to say.

I have a senior leadership role and I have serious anxiety about my manager realising they made a terrible mistake in promoting me. I definitely struggle with speaking up in meetings etc, although I do force myself to do it. I also find myself apologising for stuff I probably shouldn't (like, you know, existing).

It takes a huge effort to keep up my confident facade and I often feel drained by it. I would love to enjoy my job (which is great) without the fear of losing it or manically calculating how we will afford to survive on one salary.

So no help, but it is a relief to know that others feel like this too!

I think you might me!

Anothernamebitesthedust Fri 18-Sep-20 15:57:56

Might BE me that should say.

MrsTWH Fri 18-Sep-20 18:00:36

Snap!

I’ve started a new job (also fairly senior public sector) - so not only am I starting a new role but also have lost all my staff and trying to do the roles of about 5 people whilst learning the ropes. I am paralysed with anxiety and thinking I can’t do it and will lose my job. Thank you for the book recommendations!

Lightsareonnobodyshome Fri 18-Sep-20 19:33:43

Angela Cox - the mindset mentor has a useful podcast on this:
themindsetmentormeets.podbean.com/e/the-mindset-mentor-meets-summer-special-imposter-syndrome/

Sinker Fri 18-Sep-20 21:25:32

Thanks for the book recommendations! I know I am experienced but I just feel like I’m being tested and judged and it makes me become really socially awkward when I’m not!!

OP’s posts: |
Sinker Fri 18-Sep-20 21:27:34

I feel like everyone is perfect and when I speak I feel like others are thinking what an absolute moron!

OP’s posts: |
Ideasplease322 Fri 18-Sep-20 21:29:29

MrsTWH

Snap!

I’ve started a new job (also fairly senior public sector) - so not only am I starting a new role but also have lost all my staff and trying to do the roles of about 5 people whilst learning the ropes. I am paralysed with anxiety and thinking I can’t do it and will lose my job. Thank you for the book recommendations!

Omg this is me. Time, inexperienced team. Everyone working from home. Feel like everyone thinks I am an idiot.

Also part of what I do is visible to the public. I made the mistake of reading Twitter comments about me. I am A fat, smug, stupid idiot who should be ashamed to draw a salary.

It’s like a few sad little men who post this crap can read my mind🙁.

I work from 6am to after 10pm most days and still can’t keep on top of it. Still don’t have time to think, to be strategic, to lead.

It’s not worth the money.

BlackCatsRule88 Fri 18-Sep-20 21:37:44

The Ask A Manager blog has a couple of articles that might be helpful. She’s quite straight talking and is a good starting point I find. Imposter syndrome is not a category on there I don’t think so you have to just use the search function. There’s always lots of comments too which can often be insightful.

willowboom Fri 18-Sep-20 22:41:19

@Sinker I know just what you mean about feeling socially awkward. Are there certain meetings/ people that trigger this more than others for you?

@Anothernamebitesthedust Thank you for the book recommendations, I'll be exploring those over the weekend.

The pod cast and blog links also look great.

@Ideasplease322 The twitter comments are horrific, totally unacceptable. On another note, I really relate to the lack of time to think and work strategically. I've recently realised that I work all hours to deliver things that I should probably just say I haven't the time for but admitting defeat seems like a sure fire way to highlight my inadequacies.

It feels wrong to take comfort in others feeling like this, but I'm glad it's not just me.

Ideasplease322 Sat 19-Sep-20 08:39:21

Is everyone here working from home? I find it makes the day longer. Work is my first though when I wake up. I start at7am sometimes earlier and work though to 6pm, stop for food and a rest then start back in again for a few hours.

Yes, I no longer have a commute, but my work life balance is non existent!

Sinker Sat 19-Sep-20 08:56:15

@willowboom yes, usually my bosses...I feel like they’re thinking I am useless...they have high expectations but have never said anything that warrants me feeling this way. I get nervous because I just want to say the right thing and impress them. Instead, I can’t get my words out, then obsess over what I did/didn’t say.

OP’s posts: |
walksonthebeach Sat 26-Sep-20 18:48:13

I suffer with this also. My reason is because I didn't finish school. All of my work experience dates back to before the recession when you could get a job very easily. I moved around different companies stepping a bit up the ladder each time I moved. In my last company I was the only person working there who didn't have a qualification in the area that we worked in. I was convinced that the HR person didn't read my CV properly & hired me by mistake one of these days they'll realise they shouldn't have hired me. I was doing the exact same job just as well as everyone else but I always felt like the weakest link. I kept my head down, tried to not draw any attention to myself & wouldn't dream of applying for a promotion. I left when I had my first child & am now trying to build my confidence & refresh my skills to try get back into workforce after 14 years of being a SAHM. I watch a lot of TED Talks on YouTube about imposter syndrome & it seems that so many very successful people suffer with this too.

This one is my favourite....
https://www.ted.com/talks/mikecannonn_brookeshoww_youcann_useimpostorr_syndrometoo_yourbenefit?utmm_campaign=tedspread&utmmedium=referral&utmm_source=tedcomshare

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