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WFH with a nine month old

(50 Posts)
Fressia123 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:33:11

At the moment I'm working 38.5 hrs around all 7 days of the week. I'm also looking after our 9 month old. He's is not in nursery for several reasons (one being cost, it would be more cost efficient and better all-round for me to drop hours if really needed).

Over the past few weeks I've seen that it's reasonable to do 6 hours a day but I certainly need a rest day as the one week I didn't do it I felt completely overwhelmed.

It doesn't help that we go to bed fairly early (around 10) so I try not to work in the evenings as it eats away our time together.

I manage about 6 hours starting just before 8 and finishing around 6. Which isn't that bad but of the baby has a bad day, need to go the shop or something unplanned happens it wrecks the "balance" for the rest of the week.

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notheragain4 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:36:33

Are your work aware that you are WFH with a baby at home? What would you be doing if it wasn't for Covid? Your baby needs childcare, you can't work 38.5 hours a week and work, it's not far on you, the baby or your job. My work absolutely would not allow that and I have the most flexible work place going, you and your partner assuming he's in the picture should be organising childcare or taking some kind of parental leave.

Cloudburstagain Sat 08-Aug-20 08:38:20

So your baby sleeps or is totally ignored for 6 hours a day most days then?

Fressia123 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:40:07

Yes, they're 100% aware. I was always supposed to WFH with said baby until January 2021 (this was arranged precovid) but originally it was supposed to be 15-20 hours.

The business needs have exploded and they asked me to work FT.

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RavenRituals Sat 08-Aug-20 08:40:55

I don't think this set up is fair on anyone involved here. Your work is paying you to do your job and there's no way you could be doing it to the best of your ability with a 9 month old to look after as well!

What would you be doing now if it wasn't for Covid, as PP asked? You really need to sort some kind of childcare in my opinion.

Igotmyholiday Sat 08-Aug-20 08:41:14

You can't do that, not fair on you, your employer or your child. During covid it was necessary but is childcare not reopening now?

RavenRituals Sat 08-Aug-20 08:41:41

Sorry, x-post

Lou573 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:42:03

What’s your plan long term OP? When baby drops naps and needs entertaining all day long?

Fressia123 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:42:04

The baby naps for 4 hours. The other two hours are covered either when his dad comes come home or in short periods of time around the day.

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SnuggyBuggy Sat 08-Aug-20 08:42:18

You can't be an attentive mother and an attentive worker at the same time.

notheragain4 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:42:35

Well you need to tell them you can't WFH full time with a baby at home. You are literally not available. Why have they not pulled you up on your lack of childcare? There is no good excuse for it, cost is not a good excuse, we all have to pay for childcare if we or family aren't available! You wouldn't take a baby to work in an office so you can't do it just because you're at home. What is your partner doing?

Fressia123 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:47:23

I think they're for the most OK about this because right now (because of business needs) doing a menial job that pay MW thus why saving ln nursery is a good thing for us.

My partner works FT in another fairy low paid job.

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notheragain4 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:54:09

@Fressia123 it is not a good thing for your baby, it's not good for your mental health either. I will be surprised if your employer is as aware as you are making out, you're all acting very selfish.

I struggled WFH with a 9 year old at home, but we had no choice as schools were not open to him, I can't imagine with a baby. My babies were in nursery when I worked, yours should be too. I feel like you've posted this to try and rile attention, I'm sure you've posted about this before and were equally as dismissive, you're not answering questions, what are you trying to achieve from this thread? What will you do in January?

MySweatyPie Sat 08-Aug-20 08:59:34

Totally unrealistic. You'll be in for rude awakening..if yout employer wants you that much negotiate part time or start jan.

Fressia123 Sat 08-Aug-20 08:59:53

My employer is 100% aware. There was no HR until a couple of days ago but yes my boss, the business owner knows what my work arrangements are. In January he's going to nursery. He'll go from October as I'll start an MSc around that time.

I just go in cycles of felling like it should be doable and feeling burnt out. I was able to do it with my first (very similar set up) and I started when she was 15months old.

I'm inclined to reduce my hours but I'm hesitant because of the loss of income.

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notheragain4 Sat 08-Aug-20 09:03:10

So you've got 2 months to push through and just hope you can get through it, you don't seem willing to do anything else? I personally think it's negligent of you as a parent and of your employer who should also be safeguarding your mental health. It's not do-able in my opinion but if you and your partner are hell bent on doing it anyway to save a bit of money what do you want us to say?

AdriannaP Sat 08-Aug-20 09:05:17

Completely mad. Is this really jn your child’s best interest? Nurseries and childminders are open now, or get a babysitter. You have saved on childcare for months now.
How will this work going forward? When DC walks, sleeps less, wants more attention?

Fressia123 Sat 08-Aug-20 09:11:21

No, I haven't saved for months. I have saved for the three weeks I've been working so far. And it was never the plan to pay childcare these months as my mum was sippy to look after him (but then COVID happened so there's that).

A babysitter earns more money than me, so not much point to that either.

Because I work while he naps, the rest of the time I don't see it much different as people doing house work while the baby is in jumperoo, etc..

I'm hoping that someone has some experience of successfully doing it (I was able 9 years ago) but for some reason I'm really struggling this time.

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Ullupullu Sat 08-Aug-20 09:12:48

Does your baby crawl or walk yet op? I can't understand how this set up is possible, having had 2 DC myself. You are going to have a breakdown surely? You need paid childcare and it comes out of the family funds not just your wage.

Ullupullu Sat 08-Aug-20 09:13:54

What happens when he drops a nap soon? 4 hours a day of naps seems a lot for a 9 month old but maybe my kids were hard work.

PapsofJura Sat 08-Aug-20 09:15:27

Is this a long term plan as it will quickly become unworkable with a toddler?

notheragain4 Sat 08-Aug-20 09:16:48

@Fressia123 you won't find many that have done it recently because most places of work have policies that completely disallow such circumstances. In Covid my employer gave special leave for those that couldn't juggle both because they recognise the detriment to work and home. But you're not in Covid times now, you're choosing to not pay for childcare. I have regularly worked from home in a few places and everyone has it written into their policies that you can't look after dependents. For very good reason.

BrieAndChilli Sat 08-Aug-20 09:19:35

Everyone would struggle looking after any child under the age of 5 while also trying to concentrate fully on thier work and do a professional job. Under 5s need constant supervision, even if they are occupied you have to be constantly aware of what they are doing and what they are putting in thier mouth, do they need the toilet or nappy changed etc etc so mentally you are trying to do that whilst also do your work. It’s just not possible.
I used to work from home for 3 hours a day. My kids were all at school but on the odd sick day or inset day I would work with them at home and that was bad enough and they could just amuse themselves!

I’m not really sure what you want from this thread and you are very dismissive of everyone that has said WFH with a baby is not the best for either your baby or your work.

TinySleepThief Sat 08-Aug-20 09:20:44

Im amazed at a 9 month old having 4 hours of naps every day like clockwork, that's either insanely lucky or not quite truthful.

You really need to concentrate on eithwr work or the baby, both will suffer if you think you can do it all. Im also staggered that your boss thought it would be possible to work even 20 hours a week whilst in sole charge of a baby.

Fressia123 Sat 08-Aug-20 09:20:45

I know it doesn't come out of my wage. But as it is at the moment, my partner's income (after all other of his basic personal expenses) covers half of the household expenses. So by default childcare comes from my salary.

I'm not so much at breaking pint but I'm more annoyed that I'm giving up a lot of freedom.

No he doesn't crawl yet but he's fairly mobile when awake, so he has to have 100% of my attention.

The less he naps, the more I'd have to work in the evenings or drop some hours.

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