Scared of declining fertility but worried about work's reaction

[rosie991]

Due to health problems including suspected endometriosis and low progesterone, I have reason to believe I could be infertile or find it difficult to conceive. My husband also has issues, included an inability to ejaculate during sex 90% of the time.

We are in our late 20s, but we don't use any birth control and haven't for 5 years. Never fallen pregnant even on the occasions he has managed to ejaculate (in my fertile period). We haven't been actively trying, but haven't been trying not to either.

I am worried one or both of us has issues which means we won't be able to have a baby. I want to try more seriously, and seek medical help if necessary. But I am worried about my employer's reaction if we succeeded.

I have been there less than a year, but have heard certain comments from managers and even members of the HR department. One person said in general conversation (not about me specifically) that it's a kick in the teeth for a woman to fall pregnant within 2 years of employment. Someone else asked if I had children, and my manager said 'I bloody hope not anytime soon!'

While the law says you can't discriminate, in the real world people have opinions about women and maternity leave etc. It adds another complication for me- I have been made redundant before so I know how unstable jobs can be. If a woman has to stay for 2 years in one job she could be waiting forever to start a family if she experiences bad luck due as redundancy and has to start a string of new jobs.

Just don't know what to do for the best

[LeafyGreen333]

I think you need to put yourself first. If you want a baby, and you think it might take you a while, or you may need help getting pregnant then don't delay it. Who knows, you may end up being in your job for two years before you get pregnant (although I hope it happens sooner for you.)

At my work I used to hear comments about women being on "maternity holiday" etc but then so many women got pregnant management had to buck up their ideas and attitudes have had to change.

Good luck!

[inwood]

Your life isn't owned by your employer. You can't put your personal life on hold for them.

[ClaudiaWankleman]

Put yourself first. Your employer would always put their own interests first, and you should follow suit.

Disgusting comment about a ‘kick in the teeth’ - if you feel able to I would encourage you to challenge that attitude if you come across it again.

[jarjarjam]

Put yourself first, 100%.

[EnglishRain]

Agree, put yourself first. Took us 2.5 years to conceive anyway, I'll have been in my current job 2 and a bit years when I go on mat leave.