Arghhhhh! I hate my job! (Advice, please?)

(8 Posts)
ScreamShout Wed 29-Jan-20 18:06:02

As the title says. Just trying to work out what to do about it, though. Sorry if this is long, but I really need some outside perspectives.

Been with my organisation for 7 years. Two years in one role, then promoted and 5 years in that (current) role. Public sector. I’m in my 40s with teenage children.

On paper it’s a great job. Term-time only, fairly local, reasonable hours.
For nearly 5 years I loved it. But I started getting twitchy about moving on or up about 2 years ago. I needed a new challenge and I am experienced enough and well qualified to move up a grade.
Put myself forward for management training and was accepted, but then they decided not to run the programme. Went for a promotion and was verbally given the role, then they decided not to recruit for it after all.

Over the last year the organisation has gone through a lot of change, restructure, new managers etc. and it’s no longer a nice place to work. My role is stressful (nature of the job) as it is but now I’m embroiled in constant politics and it’s exhausting and demoralising.

My manager left 6 months ago and they haven’t filled his post. I’ve been given a small raise in salary to cover ‘extra responsibility’, but in reality I’m doing shit loads more and I don’t have the title, status or power that comes with the more senior role - just the extra shit nobody else wants to do.

I need to get out!

I’ve spent the last year looking out for something else. I must spend an hour most nights looking at job websites. It’s become clear that I’m going to have to make big compromises and possibly for the same or only slightly more in salary. I just can’t see anything significantly better than what I’m doing at the moment.

I’ll almost certainly have to give up TTO, possibly increase my hours and commute, and of course with any new job/organisation you have to learn a whole new culture and way of doing things and be on your A game 24/7 when you’re a newbie. But I just feel so overwhelmed, knackered and ground down from my current job and lacking in confidence. I feel like I’ve been deskilled and I’ve lost my mojo. Ive been feeling depressed since the autumn and am taking medication for this. Definitely related to work.

Part of me wants to resign tomorrow (not financially feasible!), and from one day to the next I’m like a headless chicken sometimes thinking ‘just make the best of it and enjoy the holidays’, then thinking ‘get ANY job and get out!’, then looking at big promotions elsewhere and thinking ‘could I do it?’. I’m so confused.

WWYD in my situation? The work stress is making me so miserable. I really need to change something.

OP’s posts: |
maxelly Thu 30-Jan-20 11:48:38

I think I'd definitely leave asap, even for a less than ideal job. Presumably as your kids are teens now TTO is not so vital, perhaps you could look at part-time but perhaps having one day off every week or similar - that might also mitigate the longer commute? You could also ask about working from home, a lot of the public sector is keen on staff working from home a couple of days a week these days, to cut down on office space requirements.

I'd be applying to as many things as I could, 'big' promotions that you're unsure you'd get, sideways moves, anything to get out at this point as it seems to be really getting you down. Even if it's a job that isn't 100% ideal right now, things can then improve and change, perhaps you'd set yourself up for an internal promotion at a new place, or embed yourself well and be in a good position to request the flexible working you want... Yes it's always tough starting in a new place but you sound more than capable and just lacking in self confidence (which is something we all struggle with), go for it!

strictlymomdancing Fri 31-Jan-20 22:48:37

are you me? This sounds similar in many ways to my workplace situation. I'm in a very niche sector. Its either stay or lose the great salary / benefits.

Happityhap Sat 01-Feb-20 11:27:50

Apply for anything and everything that might be at all suitable.

Don't get emotionally attached to the applications, believing that each one is the perfect job for you.
They are all just possibilities.

When you get a definite job offer, consider it closely and decide whether to make the change to that one.

Isleepinahedgefund Sat 01-Feb-20 16:54:28

Definitely leave.

I think 5 yrs in a public sector role can often just be too long - as you said, you started thinking about moving on a few yrs ago.

Put your energy into looking for some thing else.

marblesgoing Fri 07-Feb-20 13:44:22

I could have written this post op.

Similar situation but over 20 years service with a crap pension and all the responsibility to run (which I do well)when it suits (think bosses taking monthly holidays at busy times of year)but then dropped down to being micro managed the minute they're bak.

Between them they don't know their ass from their elbow and the last 12 months have been really petty comments to many of us not just me.

Never any positive feedback just always critical.
I feel very demoralised at the minute and very underpaid. (Have requested pay rise three times in 18 months to be turned dow or the goalposts get moved each time)

Am finding myself looking for different sector jobs that my skills will fit perfectly.
Added bonus of better pension options,better hours (I work a long long shift one day a week normal days the other but have to work every Saturday.

As my dc are getting older and dh works mom to Friday in a much higher paid role than me I feel my current job now doesn't fit my family life (we get a Sunday together a week which includes dc hobbies and normally food shopping as we don't live near supermarket which means it's not a quick pop up the road )

Just really starting to resent it.
The thought of doing this particular job for another 28 years until retirement (with a shit useless pension) fills me with dread

I have a very tech friend who has offered to help me adapt a cv to the roles I'm looking into so I don't know why I'm waiting really.

Fear of the unnown and a crisis of confidence I guess but it's no longer fulfilling or enjoyable and dreading going to work in the mornings not knowing what il get moaned at for that day is having an effect on me so I know I need to do something.

penguin246 Sat 08-Feb-20 02:30:26

Have you actually applied for anything? The reason I ask is that I was you. I could not find anything better, and there was a skills gap for higher paid roles. So I started making notes on what skills I needed over the longhaul. Then I had a moment of inspiration and just put in an application because...why not...if I get a good feeling at the interview etc.

Got the job. Its exactly the same as my current role with opportunity to deepen knowledge. I will get loads of confidence from applying existing skills. I might even have headspace for study. The place is a lot simpler and work/life balance will be better. I negotiated really hard on flexible working because that was a deal breaker for me.

So go for it, the perfect job might just be out there.

marblesgoing Sat 08-Feb-20 22:45:53


Great idea and really glad it's worked out for you.

I am definitely looking at the roles I'm interested in and the skills required and a lot of them fit with me however i am about to look into some online IT courses that I can use to brush up on my computer skills with.

My current role includes software specific to the industry I am in and I'm looking at jobs outside of that sector entirely as I really feel I want a change transferring my skills and experience with me.

I have 20 + different jobs shortlisted in one site that I'm gradually looking through so I can get an idea of where I am aiming but will definitely be looking in other places aswel.

Off to purchase a new up to date/speed laptop next week aswel.

It's going to be a massive change as my current role is all I have known since leaving school although I have worked my way up and can go no further it's still a big thing so it needs to be right for me in terms of salary hours days etc etc.

Just really glad I stumbled upon this post smile

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