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Do I rub people up the wrong way?

(15 Posts)
SetbackSetMeUp Fri 24-Jan-20 21:12:19

Due to career setbacks beyond my control (recession as I graduated) I've ping ponged from job to job. Longest job I had was 5ys, then 3, then a few months then 3+yrs where I am now.

In all places I've felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. My current hole however has squarish edges so don't feel like moving on anytime too soon.

Anyway, I ramble here... Basically no one has ever said I need to change my approach/ways of dealing with people etc or whatever. I would have expected my line managers to have had an informal meeting with me or taken me to one side and informed me if I was being a problem.

So, here I am again in a place where I feel I don't fit in. I don't feel different to any of them, we're all very similar people of a similar age. I try to join in conversation but get either ignored, talked over or interrupted. My self confidence therefore is at fucking rock bottom. I have 2 options: have this happen or sit in the corner in silence.

In meetings I'm ignored, shot down, and I'm just a bum on the seat... so I stop contributing.

I'm a team player by heart but when I'm treated like this, I think why bother? So I stop bothering.

I tend to go through cycles. I put up with it all, but it becomes too much every 4-6 weeks and I break down a little, but I pick myself up and try again.

In every place I've been, I try to be all smiles and polite, but at the end of the day they probably wouldn't miss me if I went.

SetbackSetMeUp Fri 24-Jan-20 21:36:12

I guess people are just shit and don't need rhyme or reason to treat others like shit.

I guess some just take a dislike for whatever, maybe I wear the wrong type of shoes.

BSintolerant Fri 24-Jan-20 21:38:32

Do you work in a law firm?

Ohnoherewego62 Fri 24-Jan-20 21:39:40

I'm sorry you're going through this!

Can you give some non outing examples of this.gs that have been happening? Maybe describe a typical day in your job?

Do you consider yourself friendly and approachable? Are you more introverted than the rest.

Yes, sometimes people can just be arseholes especially in numbers flowers

hamstersarse Fri 24-Jan-20 21:41:05

Work is pretty competitive sometimes...depending on the type of organisation you work for.

Many meetings I’ve been in are hugely competitive for air space and one upmanship

Are you sure it’s not just that?

Atalune Fri 24-Jan-20 21:43:25

What’s the industry?

Sockypuppet Fri 24-Jan-20 21:49:15

I'm sorry. It sounds like you're trying,but perhaps you're in a very competitive industry.

Honestly, people who quietly get on with things at work are the ones who succeed long term. The loud brash people burn themselves out. The close-knit exclusive frienships/alliances always turn sour.

Notanalien Fri 24-Jan-20 21:52:45

Oh OP I could have written your post for my entire career from graduating up until 10 years ago when I set up on my own. I completely get the square peg/round hole thing... that was me in every single job I had, except for one. I hated the feeling that I felt I was on the outside looking in, not really a part of a team. But at the same time I had some very close friends and a busy social life so the "two sides of me" didn't quite fit with one another. There are weird cliques in the workplace - and some are impenetrable. I work for myself now, and much much happier for it.

SetbackSetMeUp Fri 24-Jan-20 21:54:22

I can't say the industry as I'll be outed.

It is one upmanship in meetings but there is no need as they are internal meetings, just our department.

Our line manager is a little mad, she's a bit of a workaholic and has lost sight for her team. She NEVER takes a breath... And there is no need. I think she just doesn't deal with stress well.

It's not Law.

I have always been last in first out. I feel a bit like Dumbo.... With all the big elephants turning their backs (if you know the scene😉) 😂!

hamstersarse Fri 24-Jan-20 21:58:20

I think you underestimate how competitive people are even in internal meetings

Your managers style really won’t help this either

This is nothing to do with you as a person imo, other than you are not reading the culture of the team right - fast paced and high performance.

You can chose to play the game or keep things as they are and stop taking it personally

inwood Fri 24-Jan-20 22:54:40

You sound like you are taking it very personally. Most workplaces are competitive, you need to play the game if you want to progress.

SetbackSetMeUp Sat 25-Jan-20 11:04:56

This is it. I don't want to progress, I'm happy with where I'm at. I've worked in two industries, one private and one public. The public sector one in my opinion take themselves way too seriously. I understood the competition in the private sector as there way no pay ladder to follow you had to forge your own path. In this one, as long as you tick the same boxes as everyone else you all climb up the ladder. Obviously the boxes get harder to tick the higher you climb but it's open to everyone.
In the private sector post people actually weren't as rude.

There is no need to be rude to climb up the ladder. I think it might be an industry thing.

SetbackSetMeUp Sat 25-Jan-20 11:09:49

On reflection as the private sector was ladderless, interactions with people went a long way.

There's no incentive to treat others with respect in the public sector, it's not in the tick boxes.

whatisforteamum Sun 09-Feb-20 15:16:58

Oh bless you.I have experienced this however I do know why.I am decades older than the team with very different life experiences.
Also I am married with dcs.Everyone else is single.My current workplace is the most clique I have ever had.Don't get me wrong several colleagues are very nice to me an respect me.
I wonder if u need to develop a thicker skin.Are you a naturally quiet person?
TBH if I see someone left out I will go out of my way to make them welcome.Do you have any insight into why you are treated like this?
I agree people can be falsehoods for any reason.

wapbapboo Tue 11-Feb-20 21:35:22

Just reading your post I was going to say, maybe you have just had shit managers.

Take a close read of your workplace policies in relation to bullying and management. Is your manager doing what they are meant to be doing in managing you? Do you have regular supervision?

Generally it doesn't sound like a great culture of the place. Have you thought about looking somewhere else? It does not matter if its the same pay as feeling happy does not have a price smile

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