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Toxic people at work/ girl 'gang'

7 replies

crossroads1 · 12/12/2019 11:56

Hi all, Ive been in my role for over 1 year and the majority of ppl are late 20s/early 30s like myself. When I first started everyone seemed really nice and they were always inviting me to lunch or to go out after work. However after about 7/8 months this changed and I feel its mainly due to a couple in the 'group' who are married. The girl is from Australia and seems to be very over protective over her man. She doesn't know many people in London and seems to get annoyed if other people come into her group - maybe like her territory. However there are a few other girls (Ill call them A + B) who she seems to love and who bow down to her. I confided in another colleague that this 'group' don't seem to talk to me anymore and the man perpertrator is the Australian wife. It seems this has happened to a few people who are new - they almost get vetted, and then kicked out of the group and ignored. The couple, A + B and I just ignore eachother, and it is starting to bother me. I want to work in a place where I get along with people and heaven forbid, even make a few friends, I am even thinking of leaving just to get away from them. Has anyone else been in a similar situation at work and how did you deal with it? thanks

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AppleJane · 14/12/2019 16:09

Yes - I left. It only gets worse and life's too short! Find happiness elsewhere

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Fraggling · 14/12/2019 16:15

Does her husband work with you?
I'm having trouble understanding why women would be off with other women due to being married.

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HundredMilesAnHour · 14/12/2019 16:24

I don't understand why you'd leave your job over this. Work isnt a social club. As long as their behaviour isn't impacting on your job, then just carry on and make friends outside of work, or be friends with people at work outside this group.

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PatchworkElmer · 14/12/2019 16:33

Yes, and I left when it escalated to bullying.

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StinkyWizleteets · 14/12/2019 16:35

If she does it to others form your own wee gang with them. Your enemy’s enemy is your friend n all.

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AnFiadhRuaRua · 14/12/2019 16:46

You're young. MAKE YOUR OWN GROUP.

I realise that sounds flippant, like I've never been through something similar but omg, 18 months ago I was being put through hell by a woman at work. A much younger woman. I think she had little sense of herself and was afraid of being excluded, so she tried to define the group as young. I didn't care that she didn't like me, but it was the way she manipulated the dynamics around me / her / others to prevent any sort of work friendship with anybody that she ''claimed'' as her own. Startling experience.

If I ever tried to join in a conversation, she would say ''oh, could you hear?'' in this weird tone that made it seem like a given that I had done something really inappropriate. Whatever I said she would contradict me, or not respond, or if I walked towards her when she was talking to somebody who was nice to me, she would turn so that the other person had their back to me. She also talked to people really quietly all the time, like everything was a secret (Not everything can be a secret)/

After she left work, things got so much better. She should be so ashamed of herself.

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crossroads1 · 15/12/2019 16:18

@fraggling yes her husband also works in the same company and used to be lovely and chatty to me. then as soon as she came around he became a mute!!

I wonder why some ppl can see through her and the others can't. Ive tried to form my own group and we all agree that we are the 'rejects of their gang' lol. Office politics never seem to go away but I will be looking for another job soon with like minded people. Im very sociable and would like to meet some nice ppl at work if possible