Hello all. I'm sure you have all had variations of this conversation 100+ times, but I would appreciate some advice.
I am a 28 year old female Army Officer. I’ve been in for about 5 years and I do love the job. I am among the fittest women in the military and keep being asked when I am going to put myself forward for specialist training and be one of the first, pave the way for other women and so on. It is an honour to be so highly regarded in a very male-dominated environment, and most of them really wouldn't say it if they didn't mean it. Specialist/infantry training has been on my mind for a while, however what a lot of people don’t know is that I have had an on and off eating disorder and quite serious depression for about 6 years, which got to suicidal point this year. My fiancé and I actually had to cancel our wedding because I was so ill. We are attempting a re-arrange for next year, but with both of us in the armed forces it is tricky.
Part of me really wants to push and strive and compete and be the best woman out there - to have the balls to be the one that did it, and be 'A Great Woman' for evermore, but another part of me just can’t bear to compete anymore. I made myself so ill trying to be the best/thinnest/fastest/most extreme all the time and there’s a growing part of me that just wants a nice life with a kind job at home, and just to be able to focus for now on being a good mother. I don’t know if I’m letting a lot of people down in this current situation if I do though. I'm also aware that leaving the Army and having a baby is unlikely to solve anything.
Anyway, would appreciate people’s thoughts and advice. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? J x
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JJT2908 · 01/12/2019 11:08
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