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Manager goes for dinner regularly with 2 of my colleagues

(12 Posts)
Tkhats Thu 28-Nov-19 14:20:32

I'm in a team of 8, and my manager plus 2 of my colleagues regularly go for dinner once a week or once a fortnight. One of the colleagues is on the same level as me and the other is more junior. They are pretty secretive about it and I've never been invited. I'm really friendly with everyone and go up and beyond at my job. The only difference I can see is that I have a family and all these people are single. Is this inappropriate? 2 of them have been on holiday together. I find it uncomfortable as it's clearly 'exclusive' but am not sure if I'm overreacting.

Also worth noting none of these people have worked together longer than 18 months so it's not like they are old friends.

What would you do in my situation? Am not sure whether to suggest more team social events? I'm on track for a promotion within a year but am worried that I may be overlooked but not being part of this clique.

MrsMaiselsMuff Thu 28-Nov-19 14:25:23

They are friends. You are a colleague.

I wouldn't do anything. It's not really a situation.

Tkhats Thu 28-Nov-19 14:37:30

Haha, thanks. Guess I don't need to worry then

Aderyn19 Thu 28-Nov-19 14:52:06

Leave it be. People are allowed to form friendships at work. They are trying to be discreet. It only becomes a problem if you lose out on promotion to someone less qualified/experienced.
It might become a problem for the colleague who is the same level as you because if they get promoted it opens them up to accusations of being unfairly favoured.
I would keep a quiet eye on it though

pingponggo Thu 28-Nov-19 14:55:22

I think that is really unprofessional of your manager. I would bet they show favouritism at work at some point. You sound ambitious. Don't expect much from her.

8Iris8 Thu 28-Nov-19 15:06:15

I think it's fine ans not inappropriate at all for people to make friends at work, and not feel like they have to include everyone when they spend time together. It's not like the whole team minus you are going out together. And bluntly it's not really anyone else's business what they do outside of working hours. If you think the manager is showing favouritism then that is a different and separate matter than like-minded people socialising outside of the working context.

BentNeckLady Thu 28-Nov-19 15:09:15

It’s not inappropriate to have friends at work confused

crustycrab Thu 28-Nov-19 15:28:34

What? They are allowed to be friends.

LemonPrism Thu 28-Nov-19 15:31:29

They're a group of friends. You're not entitled to do anything with them in their free time. I go for dinner with two of my colleagues fairly often but my other colleague who is our level isn't invited because we're not mates... don't dislike her but she's just not a close friend like they are..

Stop trying to look for a way to report a group of friends because you're paranoid.

Babyg1995 Thu 28-Nov-19 15:34:30

My works like this if anyone specialises out side work with each other there's always someone who gets the hump I get on with all my colleagues but some have became good friends.

pingponggo Thu 28-Nov-19 16:44:54

There is a huge difference between colleagues being friends and a line manager having secret dinners with a couple of the team.

Isleepinahedgefund Thu 28-Nov-19 18:24:36

It’s not inappropriate to have friends at work, but if you’re a manager it can get awkward with the rest of your team. Of course you aren’t entitled to go out with them etc.

Personally I’d give the situation the side eye because they haven’t been friends for more long - I think if the manager subordinate relationship existed before they became that friendly then your manager should have given more regard to maintaining professional boundaries.

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