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dating outside your class

(25 Posts)
Shelby888 Mon 25-Nov-19 19:47:17

I caught up with a couple of old uni friends with the other day (first time in a few years) .. They both seem to be doing really well and both have met partners in the same occupation and they are really happy which I am very pleased for them!
I have been with my partner a couple of years now and the first thing asked what his profession was (Plumber).

Neither of them looked best pleased for me and then went onto to make sly remarks like 'I could never date outside my social class'. They then went onto question our compatibility, prospects and his earning potential which I don't think he does to bad considering he bought his own house at 25. This has really upset me as he is such a nice person and I was brought up in a working class family of which I deem myself to be even though my job title would be considered middle class (accountant)

Do occupations affect compatibility?

Mumdiva99 Mon 25-Nov-19 19:49:03

They aren't friends. They are snobs. Don't bother meeting up with them again.

DesMartinsPetCat Mon 25-Nov-19 19:49:08

What a pile of tosh.

Why are Brits so concerned with class? Most other countries aren’t and they do perfectly fine.

riotlady Mon 25-Nov-19 19:53:16

No, your friends sound horrible.

BlueGingerale Mon 25-Nov-19 19:55:38

I tell you what 25 years on it turned out that the differences between us did matter.

But your friends so really really horrible and I’d be dumping them not your plumber.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 25-Nov-19 19:57:41

I’d say most people gravitate to people from the same class and many people consider their class how they’re were brought up rather than their current class.
Are your friends from middle class upbringings?

Shelby888 Mon 25-Nov-19 20:07:54

@BlueGingerale what careers were you and your partner in if you don't mind me asking ?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers Yes they both went to private school and always spoke of their parents wealth.

Verily1 Mon 25-Nov-19 20:09:08

I wish someone had told me this at 25.

Class incompatibility grates as the years go on.

You’re set for a lifetime of differences in opinion on

Parenting
Christmas
Holidays
Houses
Home decor
Where to live
Education
Saving
Fashion
Socialising
Leisure time

The list is endless and it doesn’t make for a happy life

It obviously does work for some but I wouldn’t go down that road again knowing what I know now.

OrangeZog Mon 25-Nov-19 20:09:59

They sound like they are very concerned with what people think of them and are projecting that insecurity.

Velveteenfruitbowl Mon 25-Nov-19 20:14:23

I know plenty of accountants who are the same class as plumbers. Being a plumber doesn’t make you poor or chavy and being an accountant doesn’t make you well educated of sophisticated. Obviously class differences can be a problem in that they can bring with them differing values, manners, interests etc. But if you have enough in common and no major disagreements your class is pretty irrelevant.

HarryLimeFoxtrot Mon 25-Nov-19 20:21:53

Ignore them. They sound narrow-minded and dull.

I definitely married outside my class. DH comes from a wealthy family and went to private school as a boarder. I came from a much poorer background and went to state school (I had free school meals at primary school). We met at university (I was the first person in my family to go - he went to the same one as his father and grandfather). We’ve been together over 20 years. I’m pretty sure we’re compatible despite our different upbringings grin

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Mon 25-Nov-19 20:21:57

Do occupations affect compatibility?

Only if you are a snob.

My sister married a 'sparky' and she is a doctor. Some of her friends made some snide derogatory remarks implying that he must be a bit thick because did not go to uni etc. Funny thing is that he runs his own electrical building services company and earns way more then my sister and indeed most of her uni peer group. However the main reason she married him is that he was thoroughly decent man.

MummyofTw0 Mon 25-Nov-19 20:23:50

Don't people in the trades actually make a fair bit of money?!

I'd ditch your friends
They have a very outdated view of life

OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 25-Nov-19 20:27:22

It’s not about money- class and money have never gone hand in hand despite what people think.

I think people are drawn together by compatability - not just class but class can’t just be dismissed because it’s not PC to say so.
Ironically the people that aren’t compatible in this tale is OP to her friends.

Shahlalala Mon 25-Nov-19 20:30:01

What nonsense.

Happyspud Mon 25-Nov-19 20:30:50

You need to have matching VALUES and aspirations. Not matching ‘class’.

Unfortunately class can dictate what your values and aspirations are. Sometimes. It’s nobodies fault and actually neither is better than the other if you think about it.

Bluntness100 Mon 25-Nov-19 20:37:04

How are you dating outside your class? You grew up working class. Did he? Or was he middle class? If he grew up the same I'd say you're dating rhe same class as yourself. No? Or do you think being an accountant now makes you middle class? And him being a plumber makes him what, working class?

LilyJade Mon 25-Nov-19 20:43:57

Plumbers can earn a LOT of money....

LilyJade Mon 25-Nov-19 20:44:35

As in, a good plumber is never poor!!

Shelby888 Mon 25-Nov-19 20:48:18

@LilyJade his currently doing better than me !

Motorbike311 Mon 25-Nov-19 21:09:47

My brothers a plumber, his 30, has his own business and makes £80k+ a year. would make a lot more if there were more hours in a day or could find more reliable employees

SimonJT Mon 25-Nov-19 21:16:41

Plumbers can make a decent amount of money, certainly more than the average wage.

They’re snobs I’m afraid. I had this from colleagues a few years ago, they knew my partner was regularly unemployed as he had infrequent short contracts (actor and singer), they even suggested fake careers I could tall about if people asked what he did. By the time I left that work place he had a seven figure bank balance, oddly enough by this time those same people were asking for free tickets for various events etc.

I loved him because he was a beautiful person, I didn’t care in the slightest what his background, job or bank balance was. If I did I would have got myself a sugar daddy.

Mammyofonlyone Mon 25-Nov-19 21:29:53

Agree with verily. Differences do become more apparent with age/time. They aren't insurmountable but they definitely exist in my experience. It would've been easier for me in some ways if my husband was from the same class as me. Class, however, is not linked to earning potential in my experience so it's kind of irrelevant to me what job someone does

BlueGingerale Mon 25-Nov-19 21:33:16

It’s not about money. There are just so many differences between us. And they get more noticeable as we get older.

For example our expectations of how much our kids should study turned out to be different.

For example what’s discussion and what’s argument

Conversation is very hard now after 25 years of marriage and it stems from our very different upbringings.

My family was very middle class. All of us went to university. His family very working class all left school at 15.

It’s not about IQ or money.

DarlingNikita Tue 03-Dec-19 13:21:13

Being a plumber doesn’t make you poor or chavy and being an accountant doesn’t make you well educated of sophisticated.
This exactly.

They aren't 'friends'. They're horrid snobs. What did you say when they 'went on to question our compatibility, prospects and his earning potential'? 'Mind your own fucking business', I hope!

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