Alternative to quitting?

[user1482134515]

I'm really unhappy in my current role. It's incredibly stressful - not helped by the fact that my boss is completely incompetent. I also recognise that I have a lot of holes in my knowledge that I'm currently unable to rectify (no time!). I just generally feel like I'm rubbish, that everyone is judging me (not just imposter syndrome talking here - I have had some negative reactions to my work)

I have an 18mo and 4yo. Working full time with a 3 hour commute (wfh 1 day). My relationship with husband is strained, he's currently studying and working lots. it's all just getting too much for me.

I would love to just quit and concentrate on finding something local but we really REALLY cant afford to be in a situation where I'm out of work, plus there aren't a great deal of jobs here. On top of that I actually am starting to think I'm in the wrong job - never loved it but it's just getting worse.

I have thought about asking for voluntary demotion and wfh permanently. That's the only way I can see surviving where I am but is that a stupid idea? no idea if manager would be onboard with this or not (they are hiring but not wfh)

I don't know where to go from here - help!

[BeThere]

Well you don't need to quit to concentrate on finding something local. The majority of people are still in a job when they're interviewing for a new job- it just means using your annual leave for this etc.
You could also ask could you WFH more days like 2 or 3, to cut out the commute, but only if it's the type of job that you can do at home and isn't frowned upon to be at home, particularly if you're already getting negative reactions to your work

[Isleepinahedgefund]

I'd ask for more days wfh.

At the same time I would also put all your efforts into getting a new job somewhere else - it sounds like you and this organisation are not a good fit. You will benefit so much from being somewhere your work is appreciated and you fit in well.

Look for jobs that won't leave you in a worse position ie same commute, same money but also that will offer you more flexibility wfh wise.

The absolute last thing I would do is quit just now - for some reason it genuinely is easier to get a job when you have a job. And personally, I have found having a shit job to be the biggest motivator to get a better one!

[ffswhatnext]

What they said.
Ask for more wfh
Look for another job

[user1482134515]

Thanks all! it seems common sense doesn't it? I just feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown, it's ridiculous but I'm always crying, snappy, worrying. When I do get time with my kids I'm just not really 'there' iyswim?

You are all correct though that I shouldn't do anything drastic, I just hope I have the resilience I'm so close to just walking away (that or do something dramatic like start wailing at my desk)

[NickMyLipple]

Are you in a role where you have access to a union? I was in a similar situation a few weeks back, and my union rep told me to ask for a 'settlement agreement'.

I did and I ended up £28,000 better off. Technically now I am unemployed but they paid me a lump sum tax free, and I am free to work elsewhere. The money will tide us over, and I can search for something that is perfect for my family.

Could you maybe do similar?

[user1482134515]

Plus I think probably my main issue is that I'm not sure I'm really cut out for this role. I have no idea what I really want to do and no time to pursue voluntary opportunities to find out. I know I sound so negative but generally I am good at solving problems like this and making a change - I'm just so stuck this time

[user1482134515]

thanks @NickMyLipple I'm not however. Plus I've been there less than a year and as a company they havent treated me particularly badly - it's just the nature of the role

[Theresa17]

Hi @user1482134515

I think you have some great suggestions already. If you can work from home additional days I would start with that. At a minimum it will get you a little breathing space as you will get the time from the commute back. You sound exhausted, which is not wonder if you are struggling so much in this role. Even just a little time to recover could help a lot and hopefully lessen the stress over all. This might also make it easier for you to figure out your next step. Exhaustion is never the best place to try and make difficult decision in. Once you have regained a little sanity, you can use the time you are not commuting to seriously consider a career change or a role change. Although I agree, doing some volunteering etc. would be great to help you get clearer on what you want, there are a lot of other things you can do too (let me know if you want me to post a few tips).
Even if you cannot work from home more, see if you can somehow carve out a break, even using a few days holiday if that is possible. Give yourself a chance to recover as much as possible from work and then think about options. Hopefully your problem solving skills will start to resurface with this.
Good luck!

[Isleepinahedgefund]

I was in the “no idea what I want to do but it’s definitely not this” boat recently - I moved from a job I loved but had run its course to a job that has very quickly turned into a boring waste of time that I can’t possibly keep doing for any decent length of time (only been there 7 months!). I also have a commute and childcare to juggle so I know how that goes!

What I did was to turn job hunting into a project. I picked out interesting sounding vacancies (I’m a civil servant so started with CS jobs website) and then narrowed it down to a very few based on my interests and transferable skills, speaking to vacancy holders etc - I applied for one particular vacancy mostly because it required a CV and so it pushed me to prepare one, as CS recruitment doesn’t usually require a CV and I was considering leaving the civil service.

I had all the likely jobs stuck up on a list on the wall and ended up only applying for the ones I was decently interested in as job applications take ages to do.

What I found was that doing it like this diverted me from the crapness of my current job and it certainly made my commute time productive, and I got a new job very quickly having made 3 applications (I got the one I prepared the CV for!). I won’t know if that role is “the one” for me until I get my teeth into it but I do know my commute will be the same, it’s a promotion so significantly more £ and I can work at home 3 days instead of my current 2.