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Out my depth in new job now pregnant and feel stuck

(6 Posts)
newmum2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 19:04:14

I've been in a new job for 4 months and as yet have never really settled. It's a promotion with much more responsibility and I have started to feel that I'm not able to do the job. The spotlight is really on me to perform and I am feeling pretty hopeless. Throw into the mix that I've only just found out I'm pregnant (6 weeks 2 days) a week ago. I'm worried that I'm putting too much pressure on myself and it's starting to feel stressful. My blood pressure was high last week when it got checked and I was taken off the pill earlier this year due to high BP (hence pregnancy!) and I've started getting horrendous headaches. Already I feel a huge sense of responsibility for this little person growing inside me and I'm crying at the drop of a hat about anything right now! I feel stuck in a situation that I can't get out of, my husband has worked out mat leave on my current wage so i feel I have to stay and I also don't think I stand much chance of finding new work while pregnant. I know I need to snap myself out of this and get on with it but right now I can't see how I'll get through 7 more months at work.

Do I tell my boss how I'm feeling and ask for support with my job?? I don't want her thinking I'm playing the pregnancy card as I've felt like this for weeks, before finding out pregnant, I just don't think the pregnant version of me can cope! I also hate admitting I'm not coping. I've always been good at any job I've done so it's hard to see myself as failing. Maybe it's all the hormones, please help!

Jekyllandhydesmother Tue 05-Nov-19 19:12:00

Firstly, you got the promotion for a reason!! Can you speak to a manager or HR to get some extra training? Or even just talk through why you feel like you're struggling?

Secondly, the hormones are a killer. Is this your first?

I was ridiculous when I was pregnant. I cried at a spider on the ceiling cause I was convinced it was gonna get in the kettle. I mean what even is the logic there haha!

Thirdly, I promise you are doing great. You sound like me. A perfectionist. But this job is new and (if you want to) you'll succeed just like every other job. Don't put so much pressure on yourself

newmum2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 19:52:36

Yes it's my first, I think it could be a combination of the news sinking in and all the feelings I've been having for a while. My gut tells me this isn't the job for me to be honest but I think I've no choice but stick it out now.

Thank you for taking the time to reply x

JustaScratch Tue 05-Nov-19 20:14:18

Hi OP - congratulations on your pregnancy!

It sounds like you may be having imposter syndrome, but let's assume you do genuinely need support - this is (or should be) totally fine to ask for this. However, I would think carefully about how your phrase it and focus on specific areas where you need support or help with your development and ideas for how you could go about this.

That way you're not going in and saying, "I've got a problem, help me!" You're going in and saying, "I've got some ideas about how things could be even better - let me show you why this is a good idea." It's that old cliche of 'come to me with solutions not problems'.

Some examples (without knowing your workplace situation):
- Shadowing someone for a day to learn about a certain part of the job
- Having a technical, product or sales briefing
- Arranging a planning or productivity meeting with key people you have to work with
- Internal training or mentoring from someone you admire and respect

This last one touches on an important point - finding advocates - who do you like, who likes you, who needs you to do a good job and you could get on side? Ask them for coffee, talk about how you could work better together and always be focused on the positive outcome you're trying to get to, rather than the problem you're encountering.

newmum2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 20:24:04

Thank you this is really good advice. I hadn't heard of imposters syndrome but I've just googled it and you might be right.....

JustaScratch Tue 05-Nov-19 20:38:24

Its extremely common!

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