Finally escaped a bad boss/workplace

[Happyfuture]

After almost 3 years of mental abuse, gaslighting by the boss, and ostracizing from a manager and her cronies, I can finally say I ESCAPED HELL!!!!

Day 2 of leaving and my new job starts next week, so wanted to have a week where I could at least try to relax and mentally prepare for a new environment.

I was wondering how any of you got over a very bad work environment and what your experiences were?

Mine involved alot of trying to make me think I was going crazy, hiding things and saying I'd moved something or lost something. Saying I'd dealt with certain clients and had a bad conversation with them which led to them complaining, only for the clients to confirm it wasn't myself they'd spoken to. Nothing done to the other members of staff on that but I would be written up for low sales during a quiet week, of which 2 weeks I was on holiday, and the sales I did get the second half of the month I'd surpassed 3 coworkers! I was told all the time I wasn't right for the job, dispite my clients rave reviews and continuous business. I'd be told I wasn't happy in my role so much and so often that I began believing it!

How were you treated?
How did you get over it?
And what would you have told yourself back then that you know now?

[Babyroobs]

I did a job earlier this year for almost six months. The team leader pulled me up on ridiculous things, humiliated me over something I wasn't familiar with, reduced me to tears and eventually with my confidence at rock bottom I was signed off with anxiety and depression and resigned. It is only now two months later whilst I am recovering that I can see that this was not ok. Looking on the company review site, there are literally hundreds of recent reviews of systemic bullying, humiliation and ex employees who have suffered mental health problems as a result of working for this well known charity. I have made a complaint now, not sure if anything will come of it but it felt better to write it down and there is the hope that new employees will be treated better. Had my mental health been better I would have stood up to the team leader at the time rather than leaving. Whilst I was off sick with severe anxiety I began to think I had messed things up, was about to be fired etc and not once did she reassure me.

[Babyroobs]

I should also add I walked straight into another job and am loads happier if not so financially well off !

[Bibi294]

Ive experienced something fairly similar - a psychotic sociopath of a Department Head who, when she found someone to bully went all out (an incompetent HR meant that despite countless verifiable complaints against her, none were upheld or were diminished into nothingness. Usually it meant the sack for the whistleblower).

She was actually capable of kindness (which makes me think she had undiagnosed bipolarity rather than being an out-and-out sociopath), but only if she had gone through what you had gone through - but woe-betide anyone who had children or a life outside work (she began an affair with a loyal underling but had no friends). She had minions who did her bidding but even they fell out of favour in rotisserie-fashion. As with many bullies, she was never happier than when she had someone weaker than her in her sights. She is institutionalised and would never get the same job today.

If I had my time again, I would have left much sooner - even now it's impossible to describe the environment that was fostered. Anyone who stood up to her had their professional lives effectively ruined and life is too short.

Tactics for your new job - I don't think I am the best to advise on those, but one thing I found helpful was to write out before I start my (realistic) hopes for the new career and to write a short paragraph about anything that had bothered and pleased you that day. Made my thoughts much easier to disentangle and assemble in the right order IYSWIM. I also went in determined not to follow the same behaviour pattern that eventually made me a target.

Best of luck next week - you've done a wonderful thing for yourself by getting out.

[Happyfuture]

My new job just so happens to be down the road from where I used to work.
Last few weeks have been amazing, managers a delight, customers are wonderful and there's no stress, until this week. My old boss keeps walking past waving and smiling, then yesterday whilst he saw his opportunity as I was alone, he came in. Made out he was checking to see if I was ok, and telling me how his business is thriving blah blah blah, I'm happy for him. Told him so, then he went on about how I was too good for my new job and that I was wasted there, n that I need a better job. I was fuming at this point as he's obviously trying to mind f*#k me like he always did. I asked jokingly if he was just coming in cos he missed me and he said he did but that they still blame me when anything goes wrong n laughed. I feel like I can't escape him and that no matter what I do he will still try to involve himself in my life to mess with me. I feel all the accomplishments with my mental health over the last few weeks have fallen apart since his uninvited visit.

[anonnancy]

I left a perfectly good job once for what seemed like a promotion at another organisation, only to realise the job was not as what was advertised (advertised as a line management role but it wasn't!).
I was thoroughly miserable and was made to feel like I had made the whole "line management" part of the job up. I ended up getting the union involved and managed to print out the job description and original job advert. Nothing happened and eventually I got a job back at my old organisation but in a higher role than when I left.

I left the job that made me miserable with immediate effect and didn't even serve my notice as I'd only worked there 3 weeks and felt I owed them nothing as they were so awful. I had a two week holiday abroad before starting my new job and loved it.

Well done for getting out of the toxic environment - no one gets paid enough to work in those conditions and no one goes to work for the shits and giggles! So making sure you're as happy as possible at work is really important.

X

[anonnancy]

I left a perfectly good job once for what seemed like a promotion at another organisation, only to realise the job was not as what was advertised (advertised as a line management role but it wasn't!).
I was thoroughly miserable and was made to feel like I had made the whole "line management" part of the job up. I ended up getting the union involved and managed to print out the job description and original job advert. Nothing happened and eventually I got a job back at my old organisation but in a higher role than when I left.

I left the job that made me miserable with immediate effect and didn't even serve my notice as I'd only worked there 3 weeks and felt I owed them nothing as they were so awful. I had a two week holiday abroad before starting my new job and loved it.

Well done for getting out of the toxic environment - no one gets paid enough to work in those conditions and no one goes to work for the shits and giggles! So making sure you're as happy as possible at work is really important.

And just to add in response to your boss turning up at your new job.... you owe him nothing - he is no longer your boss. I'd tell him what you really think. Tell him he is a bully and tell him you do not appreciate him visiting you at your new place of work and distracting you from your work. Also maybe let your new boss know. He sounds like a bit of a psycho!

X

[Happyfuture]

Thank you for that. My new boss clocked him for what he was without me even saying a word. He told me that he will kick him out the next time he shows his face, and that he feels like I dodged a bullet leaving the previous job. My clients from there have been in to see me at my new place of work (totally different industries) and all said how they disliked him and won't be using the companies services anymore now I'm not there (obviously don't want them to feel they have to take sides, but got to admit it did make me feel proud that they were only going there because of me). He still continues to walk past looking in but hasn't stepped in after the last time. I think it won't be long before he directs his energies into bullying another member of his workforce (who were all scared of him). I feel stronger now and more in control of my life. Best thing I ever did was leave and his recent behaviour is proof of that

[anonnancy]

@Happyfuture so glad your new boss is being supportive and you are feeling much better about the situation.

X

[Happyfuture]

Just an update, I'm three months in to my new job, and it's been fabulous. Icing on the cake is I've already made manager, and area management have given me the green light to ban the ex boss from coming in. He did continue to try to visit but a mutual acquaintance of ours has informed him I made manager and he's not even attempted to come in let alone walk by. After all the stress and anxiety I felt and how damaged I believed I was, I've finally found a company that truly look after their employees and offer opportunities to move up the career ladder. If I can succeed then anyone can x

[LayAllYourLoveOnMe]

Well done!

[DameSquashalot]

I'm really happy for you @Happyfuture.
Your ex boss can stew in his negativity while you move on with your life.