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Finally escaped a bad boss/workplace

(4 Posts)
Happyfuture Tue 01-Oct-19 17:02:44

After almost 3 years of mental abuse, gaslighting by the boss, and ostracizing from a manager and her cronies, I can finally say I ESCAPED HELL!!!!

Day 2 of leaving and my new job starts next week, so wanted to have a week where I could at least try to relax and mentally prepare for a new environment.

I was wondering how any of you got over a very bad work environment and what your experiences were?

Mine involved alot of trying to make me think I was going crazy, hiding things and saying I'd moved something or lost something. Saying I'd dealt with certain clients and had a bad conversation with them which led to them complaining, only for the clients to confirm it wasn't myself they'd spoken to. Nothing done to the other members of staff on that but I would be written up for low sales during a quiet week, of which 2 weeks I was on holiday, and the sales I did get the second half of the month I'd surpassed 3 coworkers! I was told all the time I wasn't right for the job, dispite my clients rave reviews and continuous business. I'd be told I wasn't happy in my role so much and so often that I began believing it!

How were you treated?
How did you get over it?
And what would you have told yourself back then that you know now?

Babyroobs Tue 01-Oct-19 19:45:34

I did a job earlier this year for almost six months. The team leader pulled me up on ridiculous things, humiliated me over something I wasn't familiar with, reduced me to tears and eventually with my confidence at rock bottom I was signed off with anxiety and depression and resigned. It is only now two months later whilst I am recovering that I can see that this was not ok. Looking on the company review site, there are literally hundreds of recent reviews of systemic bullying, humiliation and ex employees who have suffered mental health problems as a result of working for this well known charity. I have made a complaint now, not sure if anything will come of it but it felt better to write it down and there is the hope that new employees will be treated better. Had my mental health been better I would have stood up to the team leader at the time rather than leaving. Whilst I was off sick with severe anxiety I began to think I had messed things up, was about to be fired etc and not once did she reassure me.

Babyroobs Tue 01-Oct-19 20:09:51

I should also add I walked straight into another job and am loads happier if not so financially well off !

Bibi294 Thu 03-Oct-19 16:31:05

Ive experienced something fairly similar - a psychotic sociopath of a Department Head who, when she found someone to bully went all out (an incompetent HR meant that despite countless verifiable complaints against her, none were upheld or were diminished into nothingness. Usually it meant the sack for the whistleblower).

She was actually capable of kindness (which makes me think she had undiagnosed bipolarity rather than being an out-and-out sociopath), but only if she had gone through what you had gone through - but woe-betide anyone who had children or a life outside work (she began an affair with a loyal underling but had no friends). She had minions who did her bidding but even they fell out of favour in rotisserie-fashion. As with many bullies, she was never happier than when she had someone weaker than her in her sights. She is institutionalised and would never get the same job today.

If I had my time again, I would have left much sooner - even now it's impossible to describe the environment that was fostered. Anyone who stood up to her had their professional lives effectively ruined and life is too short.

Tactics for your new job - I don't think I am the best to advise on those, but one thing I found helpful was to write out before I start my (realistic) hopes for the new career and to write a short paragraph about anything that had bothered and pleased you that day. Made my thoughts much easier to disentangle and assemble in the right order IYSWIM. I also went in determined not to follow the same behaviour pattern that eventually made me a target.

Best of luck next week - you've done a wonderful thing for yourself by getting out.

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