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How to deal with 'one uppers'?

(7 Posts)
followthefairytalexx Tue 03-Sep-19 19:07:13

I just started my first proper job at 21 with another trainee. She is constantly trying to one up me about how she knows more or is better friends with the rest of the staff and how much previous experience she has. I've found in the past its always these people that you compare yourself to and feel inadequate and then they end up quitting soon after. I'm still in that phase of feeling inadequate and comparing myself. How do you deal with 'one uppers' in the workplace?

Evertheconundrum Tue 03-Sep-19 19:10:44

Ask her if she's been to Elevenerife?!

whatsleep Tue 03-Sep-19 19:22:30

Eughhh I have a colleague who is like this. Just smile and nod, she will soon become that irritating person who people avoid!

Bananaboy9 Tue 03-Sep-19 19:23:56

Keep your head down, get your job done, earn your salary. It’s just a job, don’t let it get to you (easier said than done, I know!). Life’s too short

brookelopez Tue 03-Sep-19 19:25:31

ignore when she one ups you. I had a colleague like this and that's how she realised I wasn't interested. She did it to others after that because they engaged in her brags

DowntonCrabby Tue 03-Sep-19 19:33:20

It’s great you’re able to see through this whole you’re still so young.

Seriously, it’s not you, it’s her and her insecurities, just concentrate on your own work and maintain a social life that has nothing to do with work. It’s lovely if you become friends with colleagues but it’s not at all necessary and often maintains a clearer boundaries to keep things professional.

Grey rock her a bit re your life out of work and practice a non-commital “mhhh” response to all her one-upping.


Weezol Tue 03-Sep-19 19:40:01

It's a game - if you just nod and agree by going 'mmmhm' you are depriving her of the audience she wants and she will move on. Try The Gray Rock Technique - this is a link to the basic principles:

I think people like this are the RL equivalent of online trolls. And we don't feed the troll!

I also feel a tiny, tiny bit sorry for one uppers, because although they're a pain in the arse, it's pretty grim to be so empty that you get your self-esteem from putting others down and bragging about none existent situations. It must be a lonely place to be in those minutes after you turn the bedside light out and are all alone with your thoughts in the dark.

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