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I would like a career, but am i being selfish?

(15 Posts)
MommaJP Sat 13-Jul-19 10:49:00

I am 26 and I have a 6 year old in school, I really want a career I want something for me and something to progress in but my husband works silly hours so I cant rely on him for help with our sons childcare.
I wanted to be a midwife and started to go through it when he was younger but realised that I couldn't sustain being in education due to having to pay for it and no funding, years have gone by I have had jobs where that has been close but little support and childcare always seems to be the issue and now I work school hours and around what works so my husband can be 'the bread winner' and dont get me wrong I am very lucky to have what I have dont get me wrong but I want a carer I want progression, I want something for me. Am I being selfish??

QuaterMiss Sat 13-Jul-19 11:01:08

Is your husband unwilling to share the cost of childcare?

Is your husband unwilling to make changes to enable your career progression?

Can you explain about the ‘no funding’ issue? Do you have a degree? Postgraduate degree. (As funding is available for both.)

MommaJP Sat 13-Jul-19 14:02:06

He did a little but he just says that i should be able to fund it if im making that choice. he wont change his career as he earns 'the bread'
I have GCSE's and I did Health and social level 2 so I would need to go to college for a year before anything I think. Im too old it has to be a loan I believe, I feel stuck

QuaterMiss Sat 13-Jul-19 14:27:20

So, with those qualifications you’re rather limited in the amount you can earn. Why wouldn’t he want to share household income to improve your prospects as a family? Seems very short-sighted.

(I think you may have to wait till after the tennis for more posters to respond!)

Tigger001 Sat 13-Jul-19 14:42:14

He should really help support you with your choices.

Is it financially viable for you (as a family not you specifically ) to afford the uni fees ? Can you do it in the say when your child is at school in a distant learning Capacity so no extra childcare is needed?

Do you have sensed family or friends who could help with additional childcare needs?

What was your career before you had your child ?

QuaterMiss Sat 13-Jul-19 14:45:33

She would need to take an A‘ level equivalent course, presumably, to get into university. Then she’d be eligible for the usual undergrad loan.

What’s the job you do now OP?

Laura221 Sat 13-Jul-19 14:49:49

I feel very similar to you however my husband is willing 100% for me to do whatever I want, I just feel so guilty that it would disrupt our very nice routine and I wont be around as much for my girls. There is no easy answer. I feel frustrated and like I'm wasting my life and potential but feel enormous responsibility to be around for my children. What ever you decide I hope it works out well for you x

MommaJP Sat 13-Jul-19 15:02:07

Laura 221 that is so right !!! also really pleased your husband is very supportive it helps

I would need to go back to college and do an access to higher education for uni to even look / consider me and I was on the path to do that but funding had stopped and loans were not fee sable,
I worked in domiciliary care, my son made me want a decent career and more out of life.

I worked for a company that did Sonography, I loved it !!! and made me want to work around babies and pregnant women to help support them and was offered the chance to grow with them but due to hours again I could not move forward with it.

MommaJP Sat 13-Jul-19 15:02:44

Also I am currently a Compliance Admin but there isnt an option for growth within the company

Sonicknuckles Sat 13-Jul-19 18:10:34

I feel the same as you laura221

sausages75 Sat 13-Jul-19 18:21:04

NO! You're not being selfish. I wanted to retrain when kids younger & took menial jobs to let husband climb his career. He said it would be too stressful me studying & his career (& said he needed to "be available at all times" the nob he didn't). Now divorced & I have two kids & no career! ironically his new wife is a High flying senior midwife

MommaJP Sat 13-Jul-19 18:46:18

I feel like I have to support my son in all aspects (privileged to do that) but I feel like I'm a single parent in that aspect due to his work hours !
I know as parents we make sacrifices and I'm happy to do that for my boy and happy to support my husband but why can't I have a support ? A career ?
One day my boys gonna grow up and have his life and I don't want to be 35 and in the same place I am now when my boys off growing and needs me a lot less and I'm stuck 🙈
I feel bloody mean saying it but am I being soft ?
Also if I can do it a loan as long as payments are not till I have "the job" then pay it back

MommaJP Sat 13-Jul-19 18:55:59

Sausage75 so sorry to hear he couldn't support you his loss !!!

QuaterMiss Sat 13-Jul-19 19:17:47

OP my mother was training for a professional career when I was born. And my father was doing postgrad work. They both completed their professional training, both got full time jobs and both worked full time till they retired - while bringing up two children. There was no question of one ‘breadwinner’ and the other being left behind. They wanted each other to succeed. And my sibling and I really loved seeing how much both of our parents enjoyed their work.

So no - of course there’s nothing wrong with you wanting a career of your own. There may be someone selfish in your marriage - but it’s not you.

MommaJP Sat 13-Jul-19 20:44:12

Quatermiss thank you
That's really beautiful your parents really sound like a good team.

I think part of me thinks that just hard isn't it ?

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