I'm scared

[WantonSoup]

Hi all,

I am a lurker and it is only in the past year or so I have learnt about trans rights and women's rights issues.

It scares me. It feels like we have to defend the use of the word woman and if we are gender critical we are seen as outcasts.

My anxiety is at an all time high because of this. I have my own opinions on the subject and when I have voiced them I am met with disdain and made to feel I am wrong.

Being on this board has both scared and reassured me. I feel very unsettled to see how people with gender critical views are treated and I also see that people are starting to push back. I am not brave enough to put me head above the parapet and I thank all here who do.

Thank you.

I suppose what I am asking is, how do I stop feeling scared about this issue? How do those who are brave enough to speak out cope with any anxiety if at all?

I just don't know how to deal with it.

[PandorasMailbox]

I've been involved with this issue for almost 5 years and find that copious amounts of gin helps

I also know that are many other wonderful kick-ass women out there who have my back.

I can't tell you how to stop feeling anxious, as it took me a long time to get over the fear of speaking out, but talking to others who feel the same helps. If you can't talk to people in real life, find like-minded women on here or other SM platforms.

It can feel overwhelming at times and there will be times when you feel utter despair. When that happens, take a step back and do something you enjoy. Don't beat yourself up if others disagree with you. Most people know we're right, even if they won't admit it.

We may have lost a few battles, but truth will out in the end and we WILL win the war. Try watching YouTube videos by Karen Davis, Posie Parker and Glinner. They often have a live chat where you can connect with others who are on the same page as you (including myself). If you haven't already, watch videos by Magdalen Berns.

Good luck and stay strong.

[littlbrowndog]

Don’t be afraid. Be strong

Who cares wat idiots feel like

I dunno anyone who thinks Twaw

Everyone knows the truth

Just be clear in your mind. Read around this board so you know what your arguments are and your reasoning is.

Be brave 💪💪💪

[Toseland]

I like to watch ‘The Mess we’re in’ live on YouTube each week - I find it incredibly reassuring to hear others talking about this madness.

[PenguindreamsofDraco]

Do it once. It's a hell of a lot easier after that. But do do it. It matters.
You are brave and you're speaking the truth. Give it a go.

[FloralBunting]

Take breaks. Seriously. As far as I'm concerned, this is a thoroughly feminist battle, and feminism is not a religion that requires your martyrdom. The key point here is that women matter. In philosophical terms, it's an ontological reality. If you're a woman, that means you matter too, so you need to make sure you take care of yourself, and that means taking a breath when it gets a bit overwhelming.

We've been at this coalface for quite a while now, and we're not going to stop, but all of us need to step away from time to time. It's a marathon relay, not a sprint, and none of it rests on one woman alone. Not even JKR can carry all this crap without help.

I often just drop it and go off to remind myself that there is joy in the world, because honestly if you don't keep hold of that, it can be intensely disheartening. So that's my advice - take breaks, refresh yourself, and return with renewed determination and get stuck in.

Courage calls to courage means something very powerful and true, and you will eventually absorb it - the more you speak out, the more others find the courage to join you. KBO.

[ArabellaScott]

All of what Floral said. Again.

[WantonSoup]

Thank you for your replies.

Outside of here I feel like a lone voice. I know I'm not in reality but it feels like that on other outlets.

[AffronttoBS]

Wanton soup is my favourite. I feel your pain OP, it is exhausting. I’ve often found myself coming on this board to recharge and remind myself that I am sane , and I am not alone.

[AdaFuckingShelby]

I know what you mean OP. I have to stop myself thinking about it otherwise I get either scared or angry and start obsessing about it. It's a complete mindfuck.

[Ereshkigalangcleg]

All of what Floral said. Again.

YY. It's so important to take breaks as it does wear you down.

[Articus]

It’s fine to be scared. It’s the normal reaction to bullying. There are so many ppl being silenced and cancelled. Once you find your voice, it will become easier. It might just be saying something small as correcting someone use of gender o stead of sex. Or saying you want to reserved the right to have a female muse attending you. Small steps are fine.

[Undersnatch]

I feel scared too, particularly about work. I work in an ultra woke organisation, with a parent of a ‘trans teen’ near the top, and feel like although I may not be sacked for speaking my mind, I would be vilified by some. A couple of years ago when I just started to explore the issues, I mentioned it to a colleague with genuine curiosity, and she went totally purple in the face, spluttered TWAW, and never really spoke to me again. I hadn’t really understood until that point that people literally believed TWAW, I thought we all understood they were not but wanted trans people to be respected.

Anyway as I write that I feel like a total wimp, that someone getting so upset with me scared me so much, but it did. Since then I have done my best to build my knowledge so that when I feel the time is right, I can speak. I have spoken to some friends with positive responses, and I plan to speak to my manager at some stage. I think she will get it, if she doesn’t already, or at least hear me out. Higher up in the organisation is fucked though. Sorry that’s a ramble but I get you. I’d say just do what you feel you can. Sign petitions, donate, post on here and help others who feel braver feel surrounded by support.

[KohlaParasanda]

You don't have to do everything all the time. There are many, many of us doing what we can when we can. You're less alone and isolated than you might think you are.

I have to keep my head above my own small parapet because my occupation means it would be irresponsible of me to leave room for anyone to think I might believe men can be women, but I don't have much time or a long reach and I've concluded that for now the most useful thing I can do is donate money to organisations that support women directly or support the fight against the threat to women's rights and allow women who do have platforms and voices to continue their good work.

When I first decided I was going to be a woman who wouldn't wheesht, I asked one of my daughters for advice. She's been involved with feminist causes for over a decade. She told me that she might not be the most up to date source of information because she had stepped back for a while to protect her own sanity. I have days when I use up so much mental energy just being angry that I can see what she meant.

[GNCQ]

Watch Posie Parker on YouTube. All of them. Her calm measured videos gives us all a sense of reason.

If you haven't already seen Magdelen Berns (RIP) on YouTube you should. Again just for voice of reason.

In the meanwhile, ignore the madness. It too will pass.

[Ereshkigalangcleg]

I hadn’t really understood until that point that people literally believed TWAW,

If they truly did, they wouldn't be so insecure over people challenging it. It's pure cognitive dissonance, that's why they fly off the handle. They are terrified of not being able to put the genie back in the bottle, and then not being able to go along with the pretence, and being shunned, like you. Who would want to be a social pariah?

[KohlaParasanda]

Those who insist TWAW are often blinkered to the extent to which the majority of TW are still indistinguishable from men, anatomically, hormonally and behaviourally. Or else they believe that people really can "change sex" because they've never been exposed to any information to the contrary and aren't interested in checking their sources.

[Signifyingnothing]

Funnily enough, my utter anger over this issue fuels me. I’ve found myself arguing with everyone and anyone about it and recently drew attention to the issue in the school I work in when they wanted to support Mermaids through fundraising.

I look at my daughters and I’m just livid with fury.

I think about how I was abused for 10 yrs by my father because I was female and my ire rises.

I just can’t tolerate this crap. I refuse to.

[Ereshkigalangcleg]

If people genuinely believed TWAW and it wasn't knee jerk virtue signalling they would, if they claim to care about women and girls, be at least willing to listen to women's concerns. They aren't, and don't.

[ivegotdreadfulpmttoday]

I too have been afraid to say what I think. No longer.

My belief is that trans is trans.

Men can become trans but they can't become women.

Their choice. Their life experience is completely different. I respect it and I respect their choice. It's a new road but it's not the road women walk down.

[BlackeyedSusan]

look after yourself first.

If you can not speak out in real land, yet, or at all, that's fine. you can do something else. that may be liking comments in a newspaper, writing to your mp, chucking a fiver into a cause you want to support, choosing which companies you support, or posting on here agreeing with posts you like.

[NonnyMouse1337]

I definitely recommend taking breaks, as others have said.

When I first started looking into all this nearly four years ago, I would feel scared, anxious, angry and very upset. I would frequently cry from the frustration and fear at all these things that were happening and how women's rights were rapidly being undermined and even rolled back, and yet we couldn't even talk about it openly! I would try to explain my worries to my partner or about what was happening, and couldn't get very far as I'd burst into tears. We'd have mini arguments as he couldn't understand why I was suddenly obsessed with this topic. I think he must have felt I was turning into some conspiracy theory nutjob talking about how there are people saying biological sex doesn't exist/matter and laws/policies are being rewritten on this basis, men were being housed in women's prisons etc. It does sound far fetched when you first hear about it, so I don't blame him. Then I started pointing to news articles in the Times, he had colleagues at work spout the TWAW ideology and listened to some crazy conversations etc and he started to realise I wasn't going mad and something was seriously wrong. He's been firmly on my side once he read JKR's essay and saw the bonkers reaction to her completely sane writing - colleagues slagging her off and so on. It's always the irrational behaviour and reactions of the trans activists and TWAW mantra chanters that do the job for us.

You don't have to stick your head up at work if there's no direct impact on you at the moment. I know it's hard and I keep a low profile at work too. I avoid certain conversations and certain people who I strongly suspect are gender believers. My company hasn't gone down the 'pronouns in emails' yet so there's no point stirring the hornet's nest.

It doesn't stop me from doing what I can outside of work - I donate to legal cases, write to politicians, fill in consultations, the occasional stickering
It doesn't seem like it, but a lot has changed recently - the cases of Kiera Bell and Maya Forstater have shifted the tone of the conversations. There's a lot more articles in the media. Things are being discussed more openly. Issues are coming under scrutiny and more people are pushing back on this ideology.

There's a lot more to be done though as the world still seems to be gripped in this madness. As others said, it's a marathon. It's going to take years for this mess to slowly untangle - various people like politicians have tied themselves to a sinking ship and so will lash out as it's hard to admit you were so wrong about something.

Depending on where you're located, the best antidote is attending meetings and rallys to find other like-minded women. If you can find a local group, it makes a big difference. It's like a weight has been lifted when you are able to vent and share your views. You don't feel so alone and isolated. And it's good to periodically switch off and go read/do other things, connect with family and friends, watch films or shows that make you laugh out loud.
I hope that helps your anxiety to dissipate. We'll still be here to talk to once you're feeling better.

[Lessthanaballpark]

OP I understand you totally. Lately I’ve been sticking my head above the parapet and it’s hard because you’re at risk of looking like a bigot, a transphobe, and we are none of those things.

TWAW has become such a party line for

[Lessthanaballpark]

Sorry pressed too soon...

TWAW has become such a party line for progressives that to challenge it seems unthinkable but all we want, essentially, is to be able to debate something that may have profound consequences for women and girls.

Remember, there is nothing sinister about that.

[KohlaParasanda]

My husband went from, "Of course transwomen should be able to race as women, are you saying (a middle aged transwoman we've both known since before she transitioned) shouldn't be allowed into the London Marathon?" to being horrified that the young elite women in the sports he follows could be obliged to race against men who need to do no more than self-declare and reduce their testosterone to 10nmol/l occasionally for 12 months, or that he himself could choose to race as a woman at the local 10k and snatch the age group prize out of the hands of a woman in her fifties. He sees himself as a man who advocates for women and had no idea of how low the barriers had been set. It was a lesson to me not to overestimate the amount of information people have.

Most people still think transwomen are required to have had surgical "reassignment" and don't see what the problem is about toilets and communal changing rooms.

[happydays2345]

These sycophantic posts always make me feel a bit sick