I'm so f****** proud of myself.

(96 Posts)
ItsANiceDayForAFeministRant Wed 26-May-21 14:16:27

By nature, I am a quiet person who avoids confrontation and silentlyds seethes instead. Today I stood up for myself. I am so fucking proud, and adrenaline filled! I'm currently editing a book for a man that I was introduced to. The way he refers to women throughout is disgusting, they are "good lays," and described only by if they are old and disgusting or young and sexy. He only ever calls them girls regardless of age.

In the first scene where only girls are talking, they sit around and talk about how fit the men are, how big their penises are. And for the worst bit that really fucking triggered me - he narrates how an adult male teacher gets a hard on and has a wank because a teenage pupil teased him. (Obviously it's the little slags fault...)

Every other paragraph is another assault on women. And pathetically, it got to the point I was almost in tears to be completely honest. The men in my life are feminists too, men who appreciate and support women. So to an extent I forgot that for some men, this really is how they view us. "Pieces of skirt" to chase. I gently suggested that we change this conversation to something more substantial and told him about the Bechdel test.

He said, and I quote "I wanted the women's chat to be irrelevant just like in real life." At this point, I don't know what came over me. But I absolutely let it rip on him, I was direct, honest and said exactly what I wanted to. I'm still shaking now, and I just wanted to share this. Because I really am, so fucking proud of myself today.

OP’s posts: |
PinkPlantCase Wed 26-May-21 14:20:06

Welldone OP!! 👏👏👏

How did he react?

PermanentTemporary Wed 26-May-21 14:22:26

Bloody hell what a pathetic man. Delighte to hear he got some appropriate feedback...

Im really hoping he's an amateur and this won't be published! Though even worse if you're not being paid.

NoToast Wed 26-May-21 14:23:30

Good for you. grin

FieldOverFence Wed 26-May-21 14:23:38

Excellent OP, well done you :D

ItsANiceDayForAFeministRant Wed 26-May-21 14:24:47

@PinkPlantCase I sent it via Facebook message, he hasn't replied yet! I'm almost excited to see what he says.

@PermanentTemporary thankfully I am getting paid for it, but to be honest I am thinking that if he doesn't allow me to change this, then I will ask for my name to be kept out of it. I don't want my name associated with or supporting his absolute drivel!

OP’s posts: |
ItsANiceDayForAFeministRant Wed 26-May-21 14:25:05

This is what I sent to him:

This scene makes the women come across as empty, shallow airheads. And in the real world some women might be crude, but they have far more to talk about than men and penis sizes. It’s actually not something that comes up in everyday conversation. It seems like a lazy stereotype to have one of the only scenes focused on the women talking about who they fancy and ends with them going shopping. I think that if the rest of the novel involved females more, or spoke about them in a more balanced light like the men then it wouldn't be as much of an issue. It’s not just about appealing to university “do gooders,” in this day and age women, regardless of educational background, expect more from a book than reusing sexist old tropes. The racist and homophobic language in the narration is potentially another issue, as I think that you might find it difficult to find a publisher who is happy to promote and put their name behind this. From a statistical perspective, young people and females are much more likely to read fiction, so I do think that you need to cater to the audience to an extent. In particular, I think that talking about teenage girls giving their adult teacher a hard on is really dangerous territory in the message that it sends about adult men not being able to control themselves even with underage girls.

OP’s posts: |

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Lottapianos Wed 26-May-21 14:25:33

Oh wow! It feels so good to take an arsehole man to task, especially if it's not your usual style. How did he respond?

CatrinVennastin Wed 26-May-21 14:25:38

Well done OP. He sounds like a total twat. Is this a self published book? Doubt we'll be seeing it on the best seller list anytime soon.

gamerchick Wed 26-May-21 14:26:18

I hope you told him to stick his book.

ItsANiceDayForAFeministRant Wed 26-May-21 14:27:58

@Lottapianos I am eagerly awaiting a response from him, and will of course update as soon as I get it!!

@CatrinVennastin yes self-published, I would be absolutely floored if he is successful in this. I've been helping as a favour as he is a friend of the family.

@gamerchick I'm seriously considering it!!

OP’s posts: |
Lottapianos Wed 26-May-21 14:28:49

God, he sounds vile. I assume you gave him this bollocking over email

Bonitalazenia Wed 26-May-21 14:32:14

Woooohoooo! Good for you OP!!!!

bunburyscucumbersandwich Wed 26-May-21 14:32:30

Well done!

ItsANiceDayForAFeministRant Wed 26-May-21 14:32:36

Lottapianos

God, he sounds vile. I assume you gave him this bollocking over email

@Lottapianos Facebook message, he hasn't opened it yet. But I just feel so proud of myself for saying what I needed to say. It was really upsetting when I was reading it. And I try to raise my daughter in a way that she is confident to speak her mind, and today I decided I need to lead by example, and it all just came out!! Feels sooooo good! grin

OP’s posts: |
Curatingchaos Wed 26-May-21 14:32:57

Tell him to stick his book! You don’t want your name anywhere near that , surely?

Montalbanosono Wed 26-May-21 14:33:21

I hope he is paying you a lot to edit that drivel!

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz Wed 26-May-21 14:34:01

Good for you OP!

Montalbanosono Wed 26-May-21 14:34:22

(And why does he presume to know what women talk about when men aren't around? He obviously knows nothing about women or girls).

justawoman Wed 26-May-21 14:34:29

Did you post about this man before, OP? You thought he was a friend and a feminist ally but he kept sending you disgustingly misogynistic things to read?

Lottapianos Wed 26-May-21 14:35:57

'Feels sooooo good!'

Bloody good for you. I read the riot act to an arsehole builder a while ago. I felt v wobbly afterwards but v proud of myself. You could have internalised all the upset and had a cry or whatever, but so much healthier to call out the other person's shitty behaviour and place the blame where it belongs

ItsANiceDayForAFeministRant Wed 26-May-21 14:37:57

Thank you all <3

@Curatingchaos I really am considering it, I wouldn't be proud to be associated with this at all.

@justawoman nope that wasn't me! Fucking weird the stuff that some men get up to isn't it. Although, I can relate to that, there's a weird sex scene between two women that doesn't make any sense to the narrative, and he explicitly asked me to expand on this so that it appeals to women too envy (not envy!) I couldn't help but wonder if this was a strange kink for him.

OP’s posts: |
ItsANiceDayForAFeministRant Wed 26-May-21 14:39:41

Lottapianos

'Feels sooooo good!'

Bloody good for you. I read the riot act to an arsehole builder a while ago. I felt v wobbly afterwards but v proud of myself. You could have internalised all the upset and had a cry or whatever, but so much healthier to call out the other person's shitty behaviour and place the blame where it belongs

@Lottapianos flowers good for you too! Sometimes, it needs to be done. We have to kick up a fuss. And you're absolutely right, it's much healthier than letting it ruin our day and making us feel like shit.

OP’s posts: |
Flapjak Wed 26-May-21 14:40:15

Not sure i agree with this, it may be sexist and puerile but isnt he entitled to write that within context of free speech. I feel it is broaching into terrority of where writers have to be audited to erase anything that could be offensive? What about writers like irvine welsh, lots of offensive characters in that and liberal use of misogynistic terminology.

justawoman Wed 26-May-21 14:43:12

Flapjak

Not sure i agree with this, it may be sexist and puerile but isnt he entitled to write that within context of free speech. I feel it is broaching into terrority of where writers have to be audited to erase anything that could be offensive? What about writers like irvine welsh, lots of offensive characters in that and liberal use of misogynistic terminology.

Telling someone they’ve written a load of misogynistic claptrap in no way infringes on their freedom of speech.

Or does every editor who ever made a suggestion for improving an author’s book also infringe on it?

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