This is our situation.
Our DS is older than our DD and is very volatile.
I am desperate not to get into the situation where our DD thinks that only girls do housework/only girls have to be kind/only girls have to be calm and please people.
But the practical situation is that our DS finds it a lot harder to be calm and kind than our DD does (though she has her moments, no you do not need to lie down on the floor and scream when I say you can't take your enormous teddy to school).
We expect them both to help around the house but she ends up doing more. DH and I are pretty equal in what we do round the house and for the kids (he's naturally cleaner than me, and is much better at remembering school letters, filing medical letters etc., I've just handed over children's outgrown clothes duty to him having done it for 8 years i.e. 16 seasons) but she will willingly help put clothes away, asks to use the hoover etc. whereas he doesn't (sensory issues don't help with the hoover noise!).
He doesn't have a learning disability and I fully expect him to be an independent adult. But he also has some demand avoidant characteristics and will say no to things he actually likes doing (e.g. cooking) if he thinks it's for his own good, and he has ADHD so leaves a trail of chaos behind him!
We are also trying to teach her to be less reactive (she now verbally argues with him in an age/sibling appropriate way whereas as a toddler, when he was a preschooler, it was like he had his own squeaky toy, press it and it cries, but he still gets more aggressive when someone reacts, and it's usually her reacting) as he feeds off this. I don't want her growing up thinking she has to appease men though, either.
Does anyone else have this kind of issue and have you been able to find a way forward?
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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
If you have a DD and a DS and your DS has SEN
14 replies
drspouse · 03/03/2021 16:37
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