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Trans men and trans women

(11 Posts)
BewaretheIckabog Sat 19-Dec-20 23:23:50

Maybe it’s just me but over my time following FWR there have been a number of trans people who have contributed to threads and I thank them for doing so.

What I have noticed is the difference in their tone and voices. The trans women have been strident, certain in their beliefs and happy to explain how MN women are getting it wrong. The trans men have tended to be younger, uncertain and questioning.

My experience in real life had been the same. I wonder why this is?

OP’s posts: |
StillWeRise Sat 19-Dec-20 23:26:28

do you really need to ask?

Childrenofthestones Sat 19-Dec-20 23:28:08

there seems to be way more older trans women turning than trans men.
As Posy Parker put it there seems plenty of middle aged married men transitioning saying they are women but where are all the middle aged married women transitioning saying they are men?

BewaretheIckabog Sat 19-Dec-20 23:39:17


I don’t think I need to ask, I tend to draw my own conclusions from experience. I am open to being proved wrong.

OP’s posts: |
lady69 Sat 19-Dec-20 23:57:46

It’s because they are men and feel comfortable telling women how it is.

spongedog Sun 20-Dec-20 00:06:22

This was part of my submission to the Equalities Commission - there are very disparate groups stating they are trans. Very broadly (so not exclusively, not totally, etc etc) - middle aged men wanting to be transwomen (without wanting surgery or GRCs) and teenage autistic girls. Then you have the real people (men or women) who simply want to live as the other gender. (with surgery or not) They tend to be quieter.

So who would be on Mumsnet? Probably transwomen (older previously male) perhaps wanting to force a view point, and parents of potential transmen or not, and occasional real individuals. I think this site doesnt attract many of the young people (perhaps <30 years) who are themselves going through or thinking about this issue. And I wish they would come here for a sensible alternative opinion.

My real life experience of this (and I work in a school) is friends with a teenage autistic DD - whole family totally woke and Mermaids are king; fellow school support staff around the country wondering how to record a non-binary gender on an IT system that only has 2 (m/f); professional (m) who went to Thailand for a "sex-change op" - doing the same job but with a name change; and a young male person I "know" through a shared interest who is now using female pronouns and names. But none of my real life experience stops me wanting single sex spaces.

notyourhandmaid Sun 20-Dec-20 01:40:59

Whether someone has been socialised to care about others or not is very evident in those contributions, certainly.

DodoPatrol Sun 20-Dec-20 07:49:53

It’s not entirely the case - Pidge (MTF) who used to come on here always came across as non-strident and easy to talk to, as did Hamster and some others whose nicknames escape me; and Hobbit (FTM) was a bit older, thirties IIRC, and sounded sure of the decision and its reasoning.

Of course, they could all be regulars playing a role, who knows?

Winesalot Sun 20-Dec-20 07:57:51

You are correct to point out a difference in tone between those who identify as men and women. There is too often a complete lack of empathy from some of the male posters. I don’t associate that as a typical male character though.

I have been heartened though by the very infrequent but long time male posters when they do post as they seem to be able to have empathy while discussing their thoughts and experiences. Their posts are getting rarer though.

The complete lack of acknowledgement of the differences between the cohort of current young transitioners (females, often with ASD or mental health issues) vs them and their own experience highlights this again and again. In fact, almost every single time.

Awning10 Sun 20-Dec-20 09:54:30

As Posy Parker put it there seems plenty of middle aged married men transitioning saying they are women but where are all the middle aged married women transitioning saying they are men?

I've just closed my eyes and tried to imagine doing such a thing....

TyroTerf Sun 20-Dec-20 12:18:34

Well the online experience is just mirroring the real world experience, so I presume you're wondering why those coming out of the trans closet usually come from one of two very disparate groups (middle aged males or teenage females)?

Blanchard and Bailey are pretty good on this; iirc there's an interview (on Transgender Trend) that would be of interest. I'm wary of detailing their findings lest it get deleted; hopefully someone will have a link.

There's an interesting point about linguistic styles and online voices there though, which has been touched on in a couple of recent threads - teenage girls and middle aged men typically have markedly different communication styles online. Our trans visitors are usually typical of their birth sex and age bracket in this regard - and why would they not be? Communication styles are influenced by socialisation, after all.

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