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Male colleague wanting unisex toilets

(48 Posts)
seethingatmydesk Wed 02-Dec-20 14:02:09

I need to get this off my chest as I can’t do it at work. I work for a large national government department, office based. Today a relatively new to the job, male colleague who is at a rough guess in his late 50s was talking loudly to another colleague about how our toilets ‘should be unisex’ and that ‘trans people being allowed into female toilets is absolutely fine and only a ‘small minority’ are a threat to women. He says he’s been in multiple Facebook arguments with ‘supposed feminists’ arguing that his opinion is the correct one.

What business is it if his? As a man (who I am assuming identifies as his biological sex as male and uses the male toilets here) a move to unisex toilets doesn’t impact him at all so I feel who is he to comment or give an opinion? I was secretly seething at my desk and had to bite my tongue to stop myself disagreeing with him out loud.

My manager just kind of nodded and moved on as I don’t think he knew what to say.

Every time I look at said colleague I want to punch him.

There. I feel better now.

OP’s posts: |
Nomnomarrgh Wed 02-Dec-20 14:03:28

Big hugs. Its always about giving away space that isn’t yours to give

EnjoyingTheSilence Wed 02-Dec-20 14:05:10

He’s a twat. Be grateful he’s alerted you to this early on!

persistentwoman Wed 02-Dec-20 14:06:47

Maybe suggest that the organisation takes a good look at his hard drive? !

Collidascope Wed 02-Dec-20 14:08:57

Wow. I wish I had that level of confidence - to go into a new job and immediately start holding forth on what needs to change in the organisation - and not just that, but on a really contentious issue that has fuck all to do with me. What a prick.

growinggreyer Wed 02-Dec-20 14:09:05

Be proactive. Get your employees handbook and any policies and read through them to make sure that your rights are there in print. If there is anything that you are not sure about use then we can signpost you to information and support. It might be that there is space and need for a mixed sex facility (preferably a single occupier toilet and sink with sanitary bin) eg in a reception space open to the public but there should also be single sex toilet provision.

Justcall01189998819991197253 Wed 02-Dec-20 14:10:15

Could you get the other women (you know, the vulva people) on your side now? Warn them that he wants to invade their privacy?

HollowTalk Wed 02-Dec-20 14:23:47

Ugh, what a sense of entitlement he has, that he can make decisions on what happens to women in public toilets. Lucky for you all he's given himself away like this so soon.

IsFinnRogersDead Wed 02-Dec-20 14:25:38

Why does he want unisex toilets?
Why does he want unisex toilets?
Why does he want unisex toilets?

And what does he mean by unisex toilets? All single, totally enclosed floor to ceiling cubicles with their own sink - or just changing the sign on the door of the women's toilets?

heathspeedwell Wed 02-Dec-20 14:26:41

I would be instantly suspicious of any middle aged man who wants to introduce mixed-sex toilets. Far too many men who are invested in this turn out to have nefarious aims.

FeedTheSparrows Wed 02-Dec-20 14:30:04

What a moron! Sympathy and solidarity to you. As others have suggested, have you any sensible (gender critical) female colleagues you can tell about this man?

Also, what IsFinnRogersDead says. WHY? Alarm bells! Ugh. I hope you can deal with this situation and resolve it so this bastard effs off pronto.

FeedTheSparrows Wed 02-Dec-20 14:31:57

growinggreyer

Be proactive. Get your employees handbook and any policies and read through them to make sure that your rights are there in print. If there is anything that you are not sure about use then we can signpost you to information and support. It might be that there is space and need for a mixed sex facility (preferably a single occupier toilet and sink with sanitary bin) eg in a reception space open to the public but there should also be single sex toilet provision.

Also this. V.sensible advice. See what the policy is and work out if it is useful to you in case this twat starts doing more than flap his gums.

highame Wed 02-Dec-20 14:46:27

The term 'twatflap' has just been invented 😂😂I know plenty of people who speak out of one of those

BrassicaRabbit Wed 02-Dec-20 14:52:45

Agree with others advice. Be grateful this man has given you early warning of the type of person he is. He is misogynist. Toilets aside, be careful of working with him. Even if you don't think he's the type to be physically violent (although violent men sadly don't have labels) I'd be wary that he'd not be fair in his work interactions, as his comments prove he doesn't see women as fully human.

Eowynthewarrior Wed 02-Dec-20 15:05:00

I’d laugh and say why are you so keen to get in the ladies loos? In a jokey voice if you can get away with it

Or if it is more serious workplace where humour is not allowed I would say so have you thought about Muslim and Jewish colleagues or women dealing with periods. Sometimes coming over all gynaelogical with a suitably gory description of moon cups menstrual blood leaks shuts up menz very quickly ...

andyoldlabour Wed 02-Dec-20 15:14:10

If we look beyond the obvious problems with unisex toilets - hygeine, cleanliness etc, there has been a worrying increase in the covert filming of people in these facilities. Here are a couple of examples.

www.kentonline.co.uk/medway/news/spy-camera-11463/

www.kentonline.co.uk/maidstone/news/secret-camera-found-in-shopping-127672/

FedUpAtHomeTroels Wed 02-Dec-20 15:21:45

Tell him he can turn the mens into Unisex toilets if he's so inclined, he doesn't get to volunteer the ladies.

DrDavidBanner Wed 02-Dec-20 15:39:43

Do any transgender people work at your workplace OP?

Whatsnewpussyhat Wed 02-Dec-20 15:49:18

Just another adult male telling women they are not allowed any boundaries, because it has ZERO impact on them personally.

Makes it easy to spot the misogynist.

DrDavidBanner Wed 02-Dec-20 15:52:38

If there are not then I fully agree with whatsnewpussyhat

CaraDuneRedux Wed 02-Dec-20 15:56:01

Excellent use of bolding, Finn. Why does he want unisex facilities?

Nothing to add to pp - check legal situation. Are they floor to ceiling cubicles with enclosed sinks? Have they done an EA impact assessment? Reference sex as a protected characteristic, drawing attention to issues specific to female biology rather than gender reassignment, such as washing out mooncups. Ask if they have taken into account the needs of orthodox Jewish and Muslim women.

BettyDuKeiraBellisMyShero Wed 02-Dec-20 15:56:52

Maybe he’s hoping santa will bring him a spycam?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Wed 02-Dec-20 15:57:22

"supposed feminist" grin

Thelnebriati Wed 02-Dec-20 16:01:24

He's not very bright, he;'s not clued up on the law, and he's a goady fucker.
Why is he dragging trans people in to his argument and making them out to be a threat? Does he think mixed sex toilets are just for women and people who have a GRC?

GrimSisters Wed 02-Dec-20 16:02:46

He's telling you who he is OP. Massive red flags. Most decent men, my DH included, would be uncomfortable with unisex toilets.
I'd have gone absolutely ballistic at him (but I have absolutely zero fucks to give).

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