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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Simulated pregnancy and induced lactation

352 replies

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 30/09/2020 13:32

Should possibly come with all sorts of trigger/content warnings.

DH just sent me this:

twitter.com/godblesstoto/status/1311050509072113664?s=20

TW simulating pregnancy and birth (in a house where their STBEx-wife and children live), already “planning” that the baby will be stillborn, and then wondering aloud if someone will lend them a baby to breastfeed.

All in a group for mothers taking medication so they can produce milk for their babies. Given how poor breastfeeding support is for many mothers in all parts of the world I can’t work out whether I’m more offended, disgusted, or terrified that this person has centred themselves and has people cheering them on.

DH questioned why women were commenting in support - I said it was part of the socialisation to “be nice”. His response was that it’s not being nice, it’s dangerous. And he’s right, but why can so many women not see it? Does it go beyond socialisation? According to other posts in the thread women were removed from the group for saying the person’s post was offensive/triggering to those who had experienced the loss of a child.

I don’t even know why I’m posting it really, other than I was so agog and this is one of the few places open to comment on things since I abandoned twitter

OP posts:
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CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2020 13:36

A warrior task, indeed!

I really can't fathom it! And they say it isn't a psychological condition!

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ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2020 13:44

Confusedwtf part of their anatomy is this individual artificially contracting? IME there is nothing vaguely like uterine contractions. A male can no more simulate and experience that than a female can for testicular pain.

Is this like an extreme form of method acting or something?

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twoglassesofprosecco · 30/09/2020 13:47

They might stop faking labour after 5 hours depending on how they tolerate the pain?? Yeah, that's realistic.

So lucky we can all just shut it off and give ourselves a pat on the back after just a few hours.

My labours were 28 and 37 hours, both ending in brutal and life threatening medical intervention. Too bad I couldn't just stop when it became too tough!

Who TF is pandering to this bonkers childbirth appropriation idea.

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2020 13:49

They might stop faking labour after 5 hours depending on how they tolerate the pain?? Yeah, that's realistic. They might become Not Pregnant, if they can't work out how to get it all done and dusted, emotions experienced, publicly explored and packed away, before their work holiday runs out!

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HDDD · 30/09/2020 13:50

Those people 'being kind' to this person are enabling his illness

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WeeBisom · 30/09/2020 13:50

A woman who had a stillbirth was removed from the group for saying that this was outrageously offensive. I know that women are socialised to be nice and helpful but do they seriously not see how messed up this is?

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viques · 30/09/2020 13:51

blimey. I wonder if Aunt Lydia and the Handmaids are on their way in the birthmobile.

Breathe breathe breathe

Push push push

Breathe breathe breathe

Push push push.


I do think if these men are going to play at birthing they ought at least have the grace to go through a few years of menstruation first, say twelve years minimum.. I suppose it could be tricky to simulate but maybe taking very high dose laxatives combined with eating very spicey food for a week every month might be a start. No nipping into women's toilets to use the facilities though guys, deal with your bodily needs in your own grim little cubicles.

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HecatesHat · 30/09/2020 13:52

Poor 'soon to be ex-'wife & kids 😞

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Thelnebriati · 30/09/2020 13:52

This person wants to donate breast milk, and has a blog.

archive.is/LCDRW

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ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2020 13:52

Why? Just why? Is it some kind of sexual fetish? Please tell me they won't actually be able to donate their "milk"?!

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GingerAndTheBiscuits · 30/09/2020 13:52

Maybe an episiotomy could be thrown in, for a more authentic experience?

OP posts:
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SunsetBeetch · 30/09/2020 13:53

ShockSad

Simulated pregnancy and induced lactation
Simulated pregnancy and induced lactation
Simulated pregnancy and induced lactation
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Kit19 · 30/09/2020 13:54

What fresh hell is this?????

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SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 30/09/2020 13:56

If this person actually had to go through the real pain of labour, & its aftermath, including potentially birth injuries that we're expected just to get on with, I suspect the interest in these procedures by TW would rapidly wane.

I imagine many women would happily forego the pain of labour if they could. Sitting & wailing as if you're in pain, when you're not, is very reminiscent of the wives on The Handmaid's Tale. Except of course they were trapped in a gilded cage too.

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GingerAndTheBiscuits · 30/09/2020 13:56

@HDDD

Those people 'being kind' to this person are enabling his illness

But why do so many do it? Is it fear of the woke-brigade? Because surely the majority can see this is a deeply troubling (and downright offensive) thing to do?
OP posts:
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CodenameVillanelle · 30/09/2020 13:58

@SunsetBeetch

ShockSad

he said that the 7 year old offspring took that beach picture Angry
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TinselAngel · 30/09/2020 13:58

I think this sort of pregnancy fetish is probably not as uncommon as we would hope.

See this story from Trans Widows Voices

www.transwidowsvoices.org/post/shalyns-story

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2020 13:58

I have a theory... it's like getting a daily verdose of those weekly magazines "Mum ran away with my husband on our wedding night", that kind of thing.

Grim curiosity... 21st Century rubberneckers!

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ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2020 13:59

Have they worked out how to squash their bladder to roughly the size of an eggcup so they have to pee frequently (including at night). Have they simulated heartburn (especially at night)?

As to how long they can endure their 'simulated birth' ... well, my DH was curious about the tens machine I used ... it was still at the high setting at which I started to find it irritating. A couple of seconds before he yelped with pain and tore it off again.Grin I guess this person will have a bit more commitment than that at least.

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SunsetBeetch · 30/09/2020 14:00

he said that the 7 year old offspring took that beach picture angry

Oh whaaaat?! Angry

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WeeBisom · 30/09/2020 14:00

I just feel so sorry for all the women in his workplace who have to go along with this crap. Also sorry for his 'uncooperative future ex wife' and kids who he is throwing out of the house while he simulates childbirth.

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SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 30/09/2020 14:01

I find it quite upsetting that part of validating their identity, apparently has to include imagining the death of a child. Will they mourn it, I wonder? Narcissism to the extreme.

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ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2020 14:02

I do hope his STBX has some support. Im guessing it's even harder for transwidows in California than here.

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greenteafiend · 30/09/2020 14:03

At the risk of sounding like a complete cat, why do these people always have such terrible makeup and poorly thought out hair accessories?

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ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2020 14:03

@ItsAllGoingToBeFine

Why? Just why? Is it some kind of sexual fetish? Please tell me they won't actually be able to donate their "milk"?!

I see I was being unfair to this individual who it would seem deserves great sympathy for the degree of dysphoria they are suffering. I have summarise this individuals plight from their blog post archive.li/3o4r4

My very specific dysphoria is so powerful, I am putting my health in serious jeopardy trying to address it. No hormone or current surgery can fix it, and very few understand why. Time for a very personal story that is still in progress.

Not all transgender people suffer from dysphoria, but I do. While hormones and surgeries have gone a long way to address my outward appearance and align my body with my mind, my pain runs much deeper. I feel incomplete

Motherhood is central to my identity. I have two beautiful, biological children. I love them with all of my heart. I fought hard for the right to be called Mom.

While I am a mother, I did not carry, birth, or breastfeed my children, and I have difficulty expressing how deep and dividing that pain feels

These needs—and they really are needs—manifest into actual physical discomfort

I have been known to reach for my belly while watching a TV show or a movie as I feel for where I believe a baby should be inside my body. Sometimes, writers take the story in a darker direction and include topics such as miscarriage or stillbirth, which are doubly damaging to me. In these situations, not only do I feel the loss of not being pregnant but the additional loss of feeling what it might feel like to lose a baby

Uterine transplants were once something of science fiction, but clinical trials have begun in different places around the world, including at least one in the United States. I looked into them, and unfortunately, I am not a candidate. As always seems to be the case, transgender people are the last to get nice things. The studies generally require the participant to be a natal woman. Even if that was not the case, I have yet to find one that determines me to be “of childbearing age.” Basically, I am too old to be a viable candidate

Unfortunately, many people do not understand or fully grasp the full emotions of what I experience. I recently case across a term called disenfranchised grief that truly sums up this concept, which is defined as, “grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned or publicly mourned” (Ken Doka, 2002)

I came across the Empathy Belly and the RealCare Pregnancy Profile Simulator

The more I thought about the possibilities, the more excited I got to purchase one. The problem? These devices cost about $900

My dysphoria cried out: you need this. I told myself that I had been working a lot of overtime recently, and that I could justify the cost

A week later, that support [from wife] was gone. Apparently, $900 was too much of an expense for a situation that ultimately made her uncomfortable. She threw out every excuse in the book as to why spending this money was a bad idea, and finalized the conversation with, “If it is between this and a dead Gabrielle, then buy the belly.” The extremity of that statement still stings.

A few days later, I ordered the Empathy Belly

I look forward to the arrival of my Empathy Belly. If it can provide more of the experience I seek in terms of simulating the physicality of pregnancy (especially fetal kicks), then it will be worth the awkward position I will be putting myself in society. Explaining my changed body profile at work, for example, will require some courage, as well as overcoming my wife’s trepidation and discomfort
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