Pronouns at work - where do I stand? Advice

[Slurpy]

I was all in tizz yesterday, but I've woken up furious this morning.

A couple of weeks ago, an email came round saying a sub-group was inviting us to add pronouns to our display name (not even signature) but that it was supported by management, but not mandated. A few people did it, fine.

Yesterday I sat through two meeting where we were asked to have a real think about it, that it would be great if we all chose to do it... support trans colleagues, make it easier for people unfamiliar with our names to refer to us properly.

It's being presented as a neutral thing to do, the kind thing to do, a supportive thing to do. There seems to be no recognition that there might be another viewpoint on this.

I don't want to do it. But the strong (but not mandated) position is going to mark me out as pRoBLemAtic and I'm not happy about that either.

The timing was super insensitive, with Self ID on the table and certain hashtags trending.

Has anyone fought this off?

[BoobsOnTheMoon]

I think I would point out the evidence that when women sign off work emails with a name that makes it clear they are female, they get less positive responses than when they use a man's name! I'll try and find the stuff about it. I'd say that I prefer to keep my gender and pronouns off my work emails in order to avoid unconscious bias on the part of recipients.

[BoobsOnTheMoon]

Here - and it's even a man's experience so nobody can deny it's true

[PurpleHoodie]

Say no, and shrug it off.

"There are studies to prove that women are discriminated against once their sex is known. I don't wish to have to sue the company for hundreds of thousands of pounds - and win - because I was coerced into revealing my sex. This is covered by the Equalities act. I'm feeling harassed. HR have policies on harassment. Don't they?....sob, sob"

It gets easier as you get older if you're used to being passive/a "yes" woman.

[PurpleHoodie]

Or

What Boobs said

[GCAcademic]

If you don’t want to get into a discussion about it, just say that you find this very triggering and that you are not ready to discuss it.

[Herja]

I would also point out that it is actually very insensitive to anyone currently questioning their gender identity as it would force them in to a public decision they may not be happy to yet share publicly.

Kill them with their own 'kindness'. Can't be accused of being a bigot for that either.

[Blue5238]

Unconscious bias against females is a good place to start.... As it is difficult for them to counter that of course that wouldn't happen in this organisation as the whole point is it is unconscious.

[persistentwoman]

Sympathies OP. I always like: "My pronouns are sex based like my oppression" I'd be strategically ignoring it. This is the best article I know of:

fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

[MindTheMinotaur]

I was going to say what Boobsonthemoon said.

[ramblingsonthego]

We had this at work for signatures. I just said "I don't feel comfortable declaring my pronouns". I got some very confused looks from some, and a twinkle in the eye from a feminist colleague.

[Whatsnewpussyhat]

Nope. It's coercive control. Forcing you to go along with another persons ideology.

[FindTheTruth]

we were asked to have a real think about it, that it would be great if we all chose to do it.

@Slurpy I'm about to face this exact situation too. this is the best I can think of...

Answer 1: I support trans people and will happily use colleagues declared pronouns. I've chosen not to add pronouns to my display name and ask that you respect that and not pressure me into using them or treat me differently for not using them.

please FWRs, do you have an example answer?

[PurpleHoodie]

"My pronouns are sexed based like my oppression"

"I'm finding this triggering. I'm not ready to discuss this"

"It's very insensitive to insist on this"

"I am female"

"Pronoun - Dr"

"There is real unconscious bias against females. It's just not on - this coercion."

"I don't wish to be harassed by service users if they find out I am a woman"

[Slurpy]

I've been shrugging it off so far, but the pressure is mounting and it feels like at some point I will need to say something.

Stereotyping, impact on performance, bias could be a good angle that doesn't out me as GC (I'm a psych grad as well, so that fits) - will look up some studies.

Ultimately, I think the organisation is going in a direction that I'm not comfortable with.

[PurpleHoodie]

rambling

"I don't feel comfortable declaring my pronouns"

"It's triggering"

[SerenityNowwwww]

They can’t make you surely?

[FindTheTruth]

@PurpleHoodie nice replies! particularly like "It's very insensitive to insist on this"

[RHOBHfan]

“Being repeatedly asked about this is in contravention if principle 6 of the Yogyakarta Principles and I’d therefore appreciate if you’d desist”

The Yogyakarta Principles is a document about human rights in the areas of sexual orientation and gender identity, published as the outcome of an international meeting of human rights groups in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, in November 2006.

Principle 6 specifically talks about right to privacy in this regard.

[testing987654321]

I don't feel comfortable declaring my pronouns

This.

[RHOBHfan]

@RHOBHfan

“Being repeatedly asked about this is in contravention if principle 6 of the Yogyakarta Principles and I’d therefore appreciate if you’d desist”

The Yogyakarta Principles is a document about human rights in the areas of sexual orientation and gender identity, published as the outcome of an international meeting of human rights groups in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, in November 2006.

Principle 6 specifically talks about right to privacy in this regard.

Principle 6F specifically...

[PurpleHoodie]

My pronouns are sexed based like my oppression"

"I'm finding this triggering. I'm not ready to discuss this"

"It's very insensitive to insist on this"

"I am female"

"Pronoun - Dr"

"There is real unconscious bias against females. It's just not on - this coercion."

"I don't wish to be harassed by service users if they find out I am a woman"

"I don't feel comfortable declaring my pronouns"

"It's triggering"

“Being repeatedly asked about this is in contravention if principle 6 of the Yogyakarta Principles and I’d therefore appreciate if you’d desist”

FindTheTruth Just putting everyone else's replies together in a handy list.

[ScrapThatThen]

'I was keen on this voluntary initiative but I am unhappy with the pressure being applied which implies that not adding pronouns will be seen negatively - there are lots of reasons someone might have to not choose to do so and I dislike them feeling compelled or under pressure. Therefore respectfully I am going to decline.'

[sanluca]

I am agender, meaning I am comfortable with both masculine and feminine gender traits. To not makenit hard for people I am fine if people use the pronouns of my sex.

[FindTheTruth]

"I will happily use colleagues declared pronouns. I've chosen not to add pronouns to my display name and ask that you respect that and not pressure me into using them or treat me differently for not using them."

[IrenetheQuaint]

@RHOBHfan

“Being repeatedly asked about this is in contravention if principle 6 of the Yogyakarta Principles and I’d therefore appreciate if you’d desist”

The Yogyakarta Principles is a document about human rights in the areas of sexual orientation and gender identity, published as the outcome of an international meeting of human rights groups in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, in November 2006.

Principle 6 specifically talks about right to privacy in this regard.

I think this is what I would do. If pushed I would make some cryptic comments about my own situation, perhaps (it pushed) saying that my gender identity was agender/non-binary but I wasn't ready to come out at work.

If really annoyed, I might ask them if they thought it was appropriate to ask people to include their sexual identity in their email signature, and, if not, then why their gender identity?