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I'm so exhausted by the constant struggle that it's even disturbing my sleep

(21 Posts)
caughtalightsneeze Mon 21-Sep-20 19:14:25

It's relentless. Woke younger friends and relatives lecturing me as to why JK Rowling is literally murdering people. It's constant. And it's making me so angry that I can sometimes actually feel my blood pressure rising, and my pulse pounding in my head. I can't read my Twitter feed without being told I deserve to die. I can't request a female only toilet in work as the HR policy is that that is transphobia and a possible sackable offence. All for the 'crime' of believing that biology exists.

I'm tired. I have a teenage daughter and I'm terrified for her.

How do I empty my mind and switch off for a few hours? What do you all do?

OP’s posts: |
HarryHarry1 Mon 21-Sep-20 19:19:36

When we went on holiday recently I didn’t look at my phone or computer once so I didn’t hear about any of the gender bullshit for nearly a week and I was SO much happier. It sounds awful but sometimes we do need to bury our heads in the sand for the sake of our mental health.

KimThomas Mon 21-Sep-20 19:19:51

Switch off Twitter and read a good book. I recommend Troubled Blood by a chap called Robert Galbraith -it’s a corker.

caughtalightsneeze Mon 21-Sep-20 19:20:52


Switch off Twitter and read a good book. I recommend Troubled Blood by a chap called Robert Galbraith -it’s a corker.

But won't I be literally murdering people? grin

OP’s posts: |
StephanieRang Mon 21-Sep-20 19:25:22

This might cheer you up!

San Francisco loves JK Rowling!

JK, thank you for standing up for women and children. You are an inspiration.

MichelleofzeResistance Mon 21-Sep-20 19:29:39

It gets depressing and relentless, and overwhelming. I took a few weeks off in the summer. I felt guilty, this is not something I can in all fairness leave to other women to do, but sometimes yes, it really gets me down. In particular the sheer nastiness of the death/rape threats, the things that make you realise how unbalanced some aspects of this political movement are. Kerb stomping ffs. What kind of mind can seriously think about doing that to another human being?

littlbrowndog Mon 21-Sep-20 19:31:10

I game

MilleniumHallsWalledGarden Mon 21-Sep-20 19:45:10


This might cheer you up!

San Francisco loves JK Rowling!

JK, thank you for standing up for women and children. You are an inspiration.

That one's even prettier than the one in Vancouver 🥰

littlbrowndog Mon 21-Sep-20 19:47:14

Also I wrangle toddlers

I game with about 60 men

Wokies hold no fear for me

I just shrug them off tbh the wokies

growinggreyer Mon 21-Sep-20 19:52:34

I notice encouraging signs appearing like little green shoots. My local college has toilets for men, women and one with a sign saying 'gender neutral, this toilet is for everyone'. The women's toilets have rape crisis organisation stickers inside the cubicles. This is best practice and I am very happy to see it.

TheChampagneGalop Mon 21-Sep-20 20:26:06

Meditation. Then focus on something you love doing/listening to/watching etc for a while.

TheChampagneGalop Mon 21-Sep-20 20:27:55

For example, I've been listening to a great audio book by that Bob Galbraith something grin

Escapeplanning Mon 21-Sep-20 20:41:28

A lot has been achieved. There are women's groups that didn't exist 3 years ago that have toured the country informing women. There are court cases funded by women and men interested in fairness. There is a brake on changes to the GRA. There is a huge amount of understanding about why young people get drawn into this.

Bickering on Twitter will make you feel bad. I stopped in May as it was futile.

Things are looking very good. It's a given that the majority of the population are not going to go along with the gaslighting. It's only a matter of time and work to move to a better place,we are on the way. People will be unhappy about this forever but we live in a democracy and it's working.

TyroBurningDownTheCloset Mon 21-Sep-20 21:05:44

I rack up a new game of Civ VI and make sure the Americans are in it. Then I take great pleasure in kicking the shit out of them as punishment for their real-life counterpart's cultural imperialism.

Also, I've spent quite a while pruning and tending my social media feeds to get the ratio of rage-inducing to cat-pictures at a level that keeps my blood pressure on check. Wall-to-wall doom and disaster is easier to cope with when it's interspersed with kittens.

fatblackcatspaw Mon 21-Sep-20 21:12:19

I've stopped following a bunch of people on facebook... they think I'm still friends but their posts don't show up in my feed. Hold your ground but frankly if they are lecturing you I'd go further and unplug from Facebook for a while or unfriend them. Your mental health is more important. I've got twitter as my ranty political playground and any friend who objects can unfollow me as I have as my pinned tweet. Follow cats with jobs!

caughtalightsneeze Mon 21-Sep-20 21:26:53

Thanks everyone. I think what I'm struggling with is one person in particular and it's a family member, much younger than me but someone I care about a lot. I feel horrified at the fact that this is coming between us and damaging our relationship. I can brush off the anger and fury and insults from strangers much more easily than I can brush off the 'I can't believe you're such a bigot' from someone I care about.

OP’s posts: |
fatblackcatspaw Mon 21-Sep-20 21:36:14

sympathies... I've just fallen out with a friend of 25 years but relatives are more arkward.

Escapeplanning Mon 21-Sep-20 21:52:02

Well your young relly is right to be unable to believe you are a bigot because you aren't.

MichelleofzeResistance Mon 21-Sep-20 21:53:07

much more easily than I can brush off the 'I can't believe you're such a bigot'

Honestly, that word has become such a lazy, silly term that I hear it now and lose all interest. It's meaningless. Name calling became fashionable in the Blair years as a fast way to avoid having to actually engage the brain and defend an adult point of view.

In most cases from well meant people, it's lazy thinking without having properly engaged with or thought things through. They're just repeating what they've been told is the right thing to say, and they're often quite irritable and anxious about having to think about it any deeper because they know it's going to challenge their comfortable state of mind that they don't need to worry about it. I've got no patience with that. There's an adult social responsibility involved, and life is too short for people who cannot be buggered to think or to care about the interests of everyone, including the people they aren't personally interested in.

If they are actually clued up on what they're talking about, then unfortunately what they're really saying is that they can't believe anyone would care about the needs of female people. Which is when it's time to start unpicking with them, what do they actually mean by 'kind' and 'inclusive' and 'equality'?

Yes, it is not nice to find that people you care about hold either point of view, but it's steadily changing. I had an article sent today from a friend who is very peace, light, love and the age of Aquarius, who I'd never have thought would get involved, and it was a rant about normal perspectives and unquestioned sense and reality suddenly being controversial to say, and not caring about other people's interests. And I thought yup, I know exactly what issue you are skirting around but are so very fed up about. The ripples are spreading wider and wider, and people are realising.

JoodyBlue Mon 21-Sep-20 21:55:36

Yes the cognitive dissonance is hard to bear sometimes. Also I find I am angry at what I perceive as cowardice by so many people who head bury and at those who message privately to say I support what you say but can't do it openly. That phrase about evil flourishing where good people do/say nothing rings in my mind. I find that very hard. One can see how bad things are allowed to happen. I had always held on to the belief that people are mostly good and will stand for that. But I don't really see that playing out practically. How people can stand and watch this happening to the younger generation and simply shrug and self protect drives me crazy. I also recommend Troubled Blood by the way. Off to lose myself in it for a while.

OwenJonesCleaner Tue 22-Sep-20 14:23:59

Leave Twitter. It's a misogynist's wet dream. Unfriend people who don't respect your boundaries. Reduce social media use and talk to real people instead. Donate money when you can, if you can, to causes that are good. Write letters to politicians and pressure groups. Look after your own mental health. You matter.

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