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Boys using girls toilets

(56 Posts)
tarasharp Fri 11-Sep-20 16:22:29

Hi I’d just like people’s opinions on whether they think this is wrong. My granddaughter who’s 15 was upset yesterday because of the new system at school whereby the toilets are mixed. Apparently because of the way they’re all split into groups it’s the only way they can all use a toilet closer to them. My dgd knew of the changes during the holidays and worried about it, she knew the boys would cause problems, which they have.

The problem yesterday was the fact. that a group of boys were upsetting the girls by banging on the doors, shouting rude comments, and basically loitering doing their best to cause mayhem. My dgd suffers from very heavy periods and hated the fact that boys were immediately outside her cubicle whilst she sorted herself out.

My dd phoned the school to complain because there was supposed to be an undertaking that these toilets were monitored during break time and they weren’t. Do you all think this is wrong, and if so, is there any solution? Thanks in advance.

OP’s posts: |
OhHolyJesus Fri 11-Sep-20 16:24:10

This is so wrong, I'm so sorry your DGD has this happen. Can she stay home?

Please check out the resources of safe schools alliance for the mixed sector toilet advice.

Feminist10101 Fri 11-Sep-20 16:24:41

Didn’t you post this earlier in the week?

thinkingaboutLangCleg Fri 11-Sep-20 16:33:27

Shame on the adults who allow this. Of course the boys are going to play up. The girls are being trained to accept the loss of their facilities and rights, because men have decided women shouldn't have them.

Babdoc Fri 11-Sep-20 16:35:04

I think OP was advised to transfer the thread to the feminism board, to benefit from the legal advice and expertise on here, when dealing with the school. Assuming it’s the same OP that I think it is!

tarasharp Fri 11-Sep-20 16:35:13

Yes a lot of people suggested I put it on here. I asked MN to move it but they didn’t.

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Wondersense Fri 11-Sep-20 16:36:37


Didn’t you post this earlier in the week?

Yes. I suggested she post it here. It could belong to other sections too, but I thought it would be of interest to the Feminism forum, considering that not everyone looks at AIBU.

tarasharp Fri 11-Sep-20 16:38:55

I’m i now the process of writing to the head, but not that good at letter writing. My dd phoned the school and was told that everything’s fine they were all separate rooms, but the hand basins are communal. How can it be fine my dgd holds in her wee, her periods are very heavy and there’s boys causing loads of upset. The teacher said the toilets are supervised but they aren’t.

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Winesalot Fri 11-Sep-20 16:40:00

Thanks for posting it here. I did see it in AIBU earlier. This was poorly handled and the teacher who your daughter talked to lacked empathy too if I remember.

This is definitely worth pursuing further.

Dawnlassie Fri 11-Sep-20 16:40:59

Shame on the adults who allow this. Of course the boys are going to play up. The girls are being trained to accept the loss of their facilities and rights, because men have decided women shouldn't have them.

No surprise that a group of teens are going to act immature.

I think the fault lies with the absolute numbskulls who decided mixed toilets was a good idea.

tarasharp Fri 11-Sep-20 16:45:55

I just think it’s disgusting on every level. Menstruating girls are struggling to get to know their bodies but they’re trapped in small cubicles trying to clean themselves up and teenage boys banging on the doors shouting lewd comments. The mind boggles how this can be allowed to happen.

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KavvLar Fri 11-Sep-20 16:49:53

Ours are doing the same (primary) in the name of bubbles. On questioning they’ve said they only allow one person at a time in there and the cubicles have sanitary bins. I’d been concerned about DD’s ‘girl heavy’ year 6 cohort and them feeling pressurised to get in and out at a tricky time.

jessstan2 Fri 11-Sep-20 16:51:29

It's very wrong, I am appalled.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 11-Sep-20 16:53:39

Am on your other thread and wrote this. Idk If it helps. Not sure if 100% accurate but my understanding....

Then I looked up model letters. Perhaps you want to add some elements to this. Not sure how you wish to position.

Dear Head

I am concerned for the safety and well-being of the female students (or your gd’s name ) at x school.

My grand daughter is in yr x and has informed me all toilet facilities are now mixed sex. As the toilets are not enclosed units with wash facilities giving onto a main corridor, this is in contravention to the Equality Act 2010. To mitigate any issues, parents were informed by the school the toilets would be supervised by an appropriate adult at all times. This has not happened.

My gd suffers greatly from heavy periods and finds herself unable to manage her individual sanitary needs in a mixed sex toilet environment. At times she needs to clean herself. Girls should not be forced to wash blood off their hands and clothing in mixed sex sinks in the presence of boys. Nor should they be in fear of being listened to as they change sanitary wear. Flimsy cubicles with floor height locking doors are a poor barricade to sound.

Moreover, as a result of the school’s decision, she and other girls are being put at increased risk of voyeurism and attack as well as a risk of bullying simply for having heavy periods. Toilets are a flash point for poor behaviour and girls particularly are in a vulnerable position.

It is increasingly likely my gd and girls like her will miss days of school to manage their mental cycle. Girls should not be forced to police other children by missing days during menstruation and children should be able to use toilet facilities in peace whatever their needs or medical conditions.

I refer you to the Equality Act and ask that you take the necessary steps to keep vulnerable children safe.


Thelnebriati Fri 11-Sep-20 16:55:18

The school are breaking the law and minimizing the issue, so I think its time to escalate to the board of governors.

EdgeOfACoin Fri 11-Sep-20 17:02:23

Hasn't there been some research done recently about girls missing school because of their periods? I imagine that problem getting worse if girls knew they had to manage their periods with teenage boys banging on the door outside.

Your poor granddaughter, OP.

I think it's worth mentioning that your granddaughter has told you she feels uncomfortable with the arrangement.

WildAboutMyPlanet Fri 11-Sep-20 17:03:31

Don’t have any advice except to say that I support you, it’s not okay and I would have been mortified at school if this had been me. This isn’t okay. Going to the bathroom can be awkward enough in life, let alone when you’re a teenager and especially not with boys around.

I hope there is an overturn on this. Why have they made this decision, do you know?

WildAboutMyPlanet Fri 11-Sep-20 17:04:11

Sorry, I reread and saw the reasoning, not good enough imo

tarasharp Fri 11-Sep-20 17:05:43

Mummyoflittledragon That’s brilliant, thank you so much. You’ve condensed it nicely but made the issues very clear. I’m going to use practically all of what you’ve said.

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DeliciouslyFemale Fri 11-Sep-20 17:07:53

I’m glad to see you here, OP. I knew the wonderful women of FWR would help. Welcome to the dark side. grin

ErrolTheDragon Fri 11-Sep-20 17:08:41


Mummyoflittledragon That’s brilliant, thank you so much. You’ve condensed it nicely but made the issues very clear. I’m going to use practically all of what you’ve said.

If you c&p it make sure you change the autocorrect massive fail 'manage their mental cycle.' grin

happydappy2 Fri 11-Sep-20 17:09:21

Perhaps the school can install portaloos for the boys outside?

ChickenonaMug Fri 11-Sep-20 17:26:20

That is a great letter Mummyoflittledragon

tarasharp the incident that your granddaughter was subjected to yesterday is appalling and completely unacceptable.

Safe Schools Alliance UK have some resources that should help. I have put their factsheet here which you could attach to your letter. I have also put a letter here that was written by one of their supporters and which may help if you need to escalate things further. I am sure that if you need some further help when the school responds to your letter, then SSAUK would be happy to advise.

Scout2016 Fri 11-Sep-20 17:43:37

This isn't acceptable OP, the toilet provision isn't ok and the school is in the wrong. I don't imagine they'd be happy to share their staff toilets with these boys either. Please do complain and good luck with it.

tarasharp Fri 11-Sep-20 17:44:07

Thank you Chickeninamug the more ammo for my letter the better.

OP’s posts: |

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