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Makeup and grooming thoughts

(36 Posts)
LumiPear Mon 24-Aug-20 10:56:26

Inspired by a thread in chat where it seems people (women) are spending hundreds of pounds on eyelashes... I feel utterly bemused to be honest about why, despite damaging natural lashes that people are shelling out to put extra hairs around their eyes.
I have been dyeing my hair for about a decade to give my hair a red color rather than to cover grey. I was due to get the roots done at the beginning of lockdown. I made the decision shortly after to grow out the red and return to whatever my natural color is. I also wear makeup most days and various other grooming type jobs. So I am by no means unfamiliar with personal grooming. I must be getting old because the extent to which people are trying to change their appearance is getting ridiculous! It was a bit of heather shimmer and a new top when I was young, now everyone is having all sorts done. Is this because of pornography?

OP’s posts: |
Jellyeggs Mon 24-Aug-20 11:03:53

It’s just the particular weirdness of this moment in time - 50 years ago kids were ironing their hair and drawing seams up the back of their legs.

Jellyeggs Mon 24-Aug-20 11:05:10

Personally I think it’s weird that people spend hundreds each year on getting their hair cut. I’ve used the same pair of scissors (€3.99) For the last 13 years.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines Mon 24-Aug-20 11:14:04

Teenagers/many young adults have all the time in the world to do crazy things to their appearance - I think back at the amount of time I spent getting my side pony-tail just so or whatever.

I think it's got more extreme as this stuff is just more available, and more affordable. When I was a kid, mascara was a fiver, It was a major purchase when you only got 1.50 a week pocket money! Now it's still a fiver, but kids are getting 10X that in pocket money.

thehumanformerlyknownasfemale Mon 24-Aug-20 11:23:31

I wouldn't guess pornography, if it's influenced by anything, I'd guess maybe it's the ads we're exposed to.

Our hair isn't thick and silky enough so we need this shampoo. Our eyelashes aren't long and thick enough so we need this mascara. Our skin isn't soft enough so we need this moisturiser. Wrinkles are the devil so we need this latest cream that dermatologists swear by-that sort of thing. Not everyone will be susceptible to it (like me with alopecia grin ) but I believe it does have an influence.

The majority of ads are aimed at women. During breaks on TV, the most I'll see for men is a razor ad and a hair loss shampoo, maybe a shaving lotion. For women there's dozens of shampoos, makeup, clothes, moisturiser, hair dye, weight loss plans-just boat loads of products. Subliminally telling us we could be reaching our 'full potential' if only we make an effort and buy their stuff.

I think social media plays a part too, particularly for younger women/girls, where they see trends like microblading (is that still a big thing), lash extensions, lip fillers, etc.

OneEpisode Mon 24-Aug-20 11:28:58

I think it might be growing up with the ubiquity of cameras that create digital images that can be shared to friends/social groups/bullies/“influencers”.

Someone my age has been on holiday with teen dcs and put photos on Facebook. My peers are all smiling and relaxed, teens are all posing for the camera, at same angle in every photo, so the same pose every time. :-(

OneEpisode Mon 24-Aug-20 11:31:45

I don’t think young men are completely immune.
For instance young men’s hair styles often now include elaborate shaved sections including cut into facial hair.
Men’s shoes continue to function as foot protection though.

HappyPunky Mon 24-Aug-20 11:34:28

I wouldn't think the eyelashes would be from watching porn. I would guess something like Rupauls drag race is inspiring huge eyelashes and contouring make up.

twoHopes Mon 24-Aug-20 11:49:34

I think the issue is more likely to be Instagram than anything else. The selfie culture makes people obsessed with any perceived imperfections

I also think there's two things going on:

- Certain procedures such a lip fillers seem to be addictive. You see women get bigger and bigger lips until they end up with horrible disfigured mouths. Then they almost seem to snap out of it, get the fillers dissolved and wonder what they were ever thinking. It almost seems like there's some sort of body dysmorphia going on.

- A lot of these treatments (e.g. eyelash extensions, veneers) essentially ruin your natural eyelashes/teeth/skin/lips and so once you do it you have to keep getting it done. It's almost as if it's designed to work like that so that the clinics can keep cashing in

twoHopes Mon 24-Aug-20 11:54:05

Personally I think it’s weird that people spend hundreds each year on getting their hair cut. I’ve used the same pair of scissors (€3.99) For the last 13 years

I would agree with you but I've got very thick hair so I really appreciate going to a hairdressers and getting it thinned out. I tried the home haircut during lockdown and it didn't go well for me - maybe I need more practice!

Deliriumoftheendless Mon 24-Aug-20 12:26:33

I agree social media plays a big part in this and the aspiration to affluence that seems worse now than in the 80s- when designer became a big thing.

My daughter plays Roblox and likes Adopt Me which is kind of cute but the youtubers are all about not looking poor. I spend ages getting ignored telling her it’s not about how much you have, don’t be friends just because someone has money, look for bargains (I buy virtually all our clothes in charity shops and eBay) so I think that drips into it as well. “Look how much I spent on my eyelashes!” I would think that foolish as my motto is “look at this bargain!” But it’s capitalism getting as many consumers on board.

It’s the same with cosmetic procedures- I worked with a woman who was in her 30s and had lip fillers and Botox. I couldn’t get my head round that but it’s a money making operation so people (mainly women) have it pushed on them. You can reject it but it’s so normal now.

There’s more to it than that but I’m rambling.

Babdoc Mon 24-Aug-20 13:25:32

In a society that only values women for their looks and youth, some women will internalise the misogyny and desperately buy any product claiming it will make them more beautiful or stave off ageing. It’s sad and pathetic.
I don’t see a problem if women are just doing it for fun, or a morale boost, but I feel so sorry for the many women I’ve met who daren’t leave the house without covering their face in a pile of gunk. Their whole self esteem has been undermined by the beauty industry for profit. And it’s much worse nowadays with social media and the incessant pressure to post flattering or sexualised pictures.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings Mon 24-Aug-20 13:34:14

I dunno, I'm in my 30s and I remember mascara ads when I was a teen focusing on huge lashes. I don't think that's a new aesthetic, just a different way of achieving it. Tbh I don't know anyone who is very into personal grooming. My social circle is almost exclusively mums from playgroup, and I can only think of one of them who obviously wears makeup or does much more than tie her hair back. I very very rarely watch TV, don't read magazines, and use ad blockers online, so I don't really know what's trendy atm in terms of appearance norms for women. Fashion and beauty isn't something I'm personally interested in participating in (that's intended as a neutral statement btw, not an indicator of moral virtue). If people are using fake lashes then maybe it's because they want them to look more natural? Like, huge and thick, but not caked in mascara, as if they just naturally have very thick lashes? Idk. The more important question would be, what are these lashes made from? Where do they come from? If the human rights violations I've heard about in the human hair extensions industry are anything to go by, that's the bit to focus on.

ManservantHecubus Mon 24-Aug-20 13:36:50

I love my eyelash extensions! I don't wear a lot of makeup, my lashes make me feel happy and pretty. I do agree that Instagram social media etc are damaging to young people sadly.

JurgenKloppsCat Mon 24-Aug-20 14:04:04

In a society that only values women for their looks and youth, some women will internalise the misogyny and desperately buy any product claiming it will make them more beautiful or stave off ageing. It’s sad and pathetic.

Well that's a bit harsh. Would you tell that to women who are doctors and nurses and lawyers and engineers and politicians and accountants and a hundred other high status positions that they have worked hard for? That nobody cares about their achievements as soon as they put a bit of lippy on? You've written off a huge number of individuals there with a blanket statement. I'm sure my friends would have something to say about that.

Middleagedmidwife Mon 24-Aug-20 14:11:52

I think it’s instagram and constant photographs being posted to be fair! Thank god I missed all that. I love make up but the expensive lashes, nails, tan etc are a step too far. All the young girls look the same at work- lip filler, eyelash extensions, fake tan etc.
Heather shimmer lipstick made me laugh OP, I must be your age!!

Goosefoot Mon 24-Aug-20 14:16:31

I would say it's very natural for humans to do some grooming, and when people stop altogether it can be a sign of mental illness.

What is expected in terms of grooming is largely determined socially. What we find pleasing to the eye and expect to see. It's also pretty normal for special occasion grooming to be more complicated or just different. That's not necessarily a problem.

Sometimes however the social norms can become dangerous or burdensome, and it's worth it IMO to be conscious of it and try to push back.

Anything unhealthy like a lot of the medical cosmetic stuff now should be right out, IMO. But I think it's also worth thinking about it when the time commitment and cost begin to climb.

Part of that is also understanding that for many things, we are always going to have some social expectations attached, so the idea that individuals will opt in or out by personal preference is a bit naive. Our preferences are shaped by the environment, so many people might accept that something is needed only because they are used to it. If we stopped doing it, we'd soon not notice.

For me, hair colouring falls into that a bit. The idea of covering grey has a lot of appeal to many, but as a result of it becoming common, we now have a really unrealistic sense of how people age. When we see someone in her 30s with more grey, which is really quite common, we tend to overestimate age, for example.

Goosefoot Mon 24-Aug-20 14:21:10

Oh, I think the filters used by phones now are also a big issue. Plastic surgeons say that now many clients coming in don't bring a celebrity photo, they bring a filtered photo of themselves.

It does work to create a sort of dysmorphia I think. When you get used to seeing yourself a certain way, it can be very uncanny valley when you see your natural image.

Angryresister Mon 24-Aug-20 14:57:43

Be careful in the use of forbidden words!

FWRLurker Mon 24-Aug-20 15:22:43

I was just playing The Sims 4 with my daughter and whenever you create a female character, she comes equipped in all her outfits except Sleepwear with a full face of makeup (including athletic and swimwear?). I’m like... shouldn’t people (espcially kids) playing this have to opt IN to makeup rather than opt out? It shouldn’t be the default, imo, especially when removing the makeup is a pain.

The game also by default gives you only “feminine” clothing choices for female characters and “masculine” clothing choices for male characters (even though all characters can actually wear all clothes).

Anyway I just found that very annoying and wanted to share.

Galvantula Mon 24-Aug-20 18:48:43

I always dress my female Sims in jeans, trainers and a t-shirt or baseball shirt or whatever is available. 😂 Trying to make little me Sims I think. Their pyjamas are rubbish compared to male Sim pjs though grin

Babdoc Mon 24-Aug-20 19:16:08

JurgenKloppsCat, I AM a doctor! And a radical feminist. And I don’t see any evidence that young women are valued for their intelligence or skills any more now than when I was young. If anything, social media makes it worse, with all those airbrushed and photoshopped images of vacuous celebrities, and the ubiquitous porn culture. And the absurd idea that any teenage girl who doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes of make up and fashion must really be a boy. In my day it was just basic sexism!

DidoLamenting Mon 24-Aug-20 19:49:09

JurgenKloppsCat

*In a society that only values women for their looks and youth, some women will internalise the misogyny and desperately buy any product claiming it will make them more beautiful or stave off ageing. It’s sad and pathetic.*

Well that's a bit harsh. Would you tell that to women who are doctors and nurses and lawyers and engineers and politicians and accountants and a hundred other high status positions that they have worked hard for? That nobody cares about their achievements as soon as they put a bit of lippy on? You've written off a huge number of individuals there with a blanket statement. I'm sure my friends would have something to say about that.

I completely disagree that society only values women for their looks.

lady69 Mon 24-Aug-20 22:11:27

ManservantHecubus

I love my eyelash extensions! I don't wear a lot of makeup, my lashes make me feel happy and pretty. I do agree that Instagram social media etc are damaging to young people sadly.

I love mine too. Sorry not sorry!!

bigdecisionstomake Mon 24-Aug-20 22:21:41

Gosh how bizarre to think that women's choices about personal grooming stem from pornography. I don't think I've ever seen any pornography, nor does my partner use any to my knowledge. It's something that's just never factored in my life. But as I get older and start to have a little bit more disposable income I love experimenting with various skincare/make up/treatments. It's all just for me and it feels like the self care I've missed out on through twenty years of raising kids pretty much single handed.

Surely as women we should be given credit for being able to make choices in life that aren't a direct result of the influence of men?

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