I’m considering offering to be a surrogate for my brother and his wife. I’d really like some input from my fellow feminists as I’m a regular poster on this board and and generally very critical of surrogacy.
My brother and his wife have been trying to have a baby for around 10 years now. They have had at least 10 rounds of IVF (I’m not too sure of the details, we used to talk about it a lot as I too went through IVF but my rounds were successful and I now have 2 children, that must have been heartbreaking for them). They can’t adopt as they currently live abroad for my brother’s work, so moving back would mean removing their adopted child from their country of birth and distancing the baby from their birth family. They have therefore decided to go down the surrogacy route.
I have tried to keep my opinions on exploiting a woman for her uterus to myself. I’ve spoken to my mum about it at length but while usually in agreement with me on these issues, she is blinded by her desire for her son to be happy. The solution I’ve come up with to volunteer myself. I’d be doing something incredible for my brother who I love really deeply, and no vulnerable women would be exploited. My husband has pointed out that I would be exploited, though, for my kindness and my morality.
I want to make it clear that nobody has actually even vaguely suggested that I be the surrogate, I’ve mentioned it to my mum and she said “absolutely not” And we haven’t talked about it since. I just can’t bear the thought of a poor foreign woman being exploited so my brother can have a family. But I can see the sadness in his eyes every time we speak at not being a father.
Any friends I’ve mentioned it too say I’m so brave and stunning but I just feel like it’s so much more complex than that. I don’t feel like I’m being 100% altruistic in my offer, I’m just as concerned about the potential surrogate they would use if it weren’t for me as I am about their happiness.
I don’t really know what I want from this thread. Advice/guidance/opinions?
Thank you all in advance
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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
Surrogacy for a family member - a moral dilemma
119 replies
WelliesandBrollies · 06/08/2020 12:31
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SonEtLumiere ·
06/08/2020 12:33
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Cascade220 ·
06/08/2020 12:55
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