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Your opinions please - is this mysogenistic drivel or is it just me?

(74 Posts)
Watchthisface Tue 28-Jul-20 00:27:05

Name change as my friends are in this group. The owner of this dieting/fitness company posted this and I’m alarmed at how many women who identify as having experienced domestic abuse have agreed with it. I’m feeling very angry - do you think I am over reacting?

It’s a public group so I hope I’m not breaking any rules .

OP’s posts: |
ifIwerenotanandroid Tue 28-Jul-20 00:32:10

I don't know; but I prefer the 'before' picture!

Stripesgalore Tue 28-Jul-20 00:40:58

I don’t think it is that bad and I’ve been through DV.

blurpityblurp Tue 28-Jul-20 00:44:27

He sounds like an utter twat.

Smallsteps88 Tue 28-Jul-20 00:54:04

Oh he really fancies himself as the ol’ white knight doesn’t he? Urgh. All about him and how he built her up. Yawn. A woman puts her life back together after abuse but, no, the credit must go to the man who claimed her before she managed it.

Watchthisface Tue 28-Jul-20 00:56:22

Phew! Not alone!

OP’s posts: |
Watchthisface Tue 28-Jul-20 00:58:33

I feel like she’s portrayed as this lump of clay and it’s up to him to mould her. Like he has to decide if he’s going to beat her into it, or incentivise her. Carrot or stick.

I also dislike the opinion that boys have to be “taught” to respect women.

And I felt that the “friend who didn’t like him” was being warned somehow. That she too could go by the wayside if she didn’t toe the line.

OP’s posts: |
Watchthisface Tue 28-Jul-20 01:00:49

Like, I’m not in anyway suggesting that he would beat her. He obviously prides himself on being a good guy.

I just worry about the message this sends out to hundreds of thousands of people. I don’t think it comes across as he intends it to.

OP’s posts: |
Wanderingstars4238 Tue 28-Jul-20 01:07:55

Oh dear God. It sounded sexist all the way through -- at least to the part where he said he hated putting himself in a positive light ...There I stopped reading because I had enough already.

"Make or break your woman" sounds right off like he feels some ownership of her. I'm not gonna bother with my other annoyances, but I'd say your impression of this "old fashioned guy" is accurate.

blubellsarebells Tue 28-Jul-20 01:09:37

Yea he sounds like a self righteous prick.
White knight saviour going on there.
Like she couldn't have done it without him.
I dont like the tone at all.

blurpityblurp Tue 28-Jul-20 01:11:46

The whole “I could tell by the way she looked at her feet that I could of [sic] forced her to do anything and she would of [sic] done it” thing is really worrying.

It’s almost like he’s getting off on the idea that he has such power over her he could easily have controlled her if he’d wanted to, like her freedom is the result of his generosity. And he does sound quite controlling. Is she really happy now that he’s “encouraged” her to diet and reveal her body online?

I’m an abuse survivor and had no self esteem for a long time, but I still would have run a million miles from any arsehole trying to manipulate me. Yes many women are vulnerable. But assuming that any woman who isn’t “confident” is just formless putty men can use at will is pretty worrying.

Watchthisface Tue 28-Jul-20 01:11:53

Yeah the title itself rings alarm bells immediately.

OP’s posts: |
TheGodmother Tue 28-Jul-20 01:18:09

The whole post gives me the heebie jeebies!

Smallsteps88 Tue 28-Jul-20 01:37:38

The title is grim! It sounds like a dog whistle to exactly the type of man who’d get a hard on at the thought of breaking a woman. It sounds like the title of an instruction guide on how to do it.

ConfessionsOfAChocoholic Tue 28-Jul-20 01:50:00

I have to admit to being a member of the group before I am called out on it, but I am also a longstanding Mumsnetter (haven't just signed up for this thread).

I think the facebook post will come across as concerning to some people, however I think he has simply missed the aim of it and a lot of (unconscious imo) sexism has come through in the message. It does sound like he is trying to take all the credit and I think the problem has been is that he has given it solely from his viewpoint so it is very knight in shining armour. If Rachel had written the post and shared her story then I think it may have sounded better. Saying that, i think the members of the group will most likely support the message for the purpose in which I think it was written - to encourage and build confidence. I am not saying it reads well at all, I just don't think there was an intention for it to be so self-righteous.

Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, but on the face of it they come across as a strong, united, supportive couple and team trying to grow a business.

Is she really happy now that he has 'encouraged' her to diet and reveal her body online?

She is a personal trainer and 50% owner of the company so I can only assume she is happy with her role.

calllaaalllaaammma Tue 28-Jul-20 01:56:34

Now this story could be very different had we not met. In reality it would most likely be a picture of Rachael black and blue crying for help because of some monster.

Wow he really seems ti believe that she owes him her life!

MrsAvocet Tue 28-Jul-20 02:01:36

He sounds possessive, manipulative, shallow and egocentric. And yes, definitely controlling and misogynistic. I started feeling a bit nauseous when he described himself as a good old fashioned guy who knows how to provide for "his woman" (whilst she does what, I wonder?). The "old fashioned" part is accurate at least. I also prefer the "before" picture,

Smallsteps88 Tue 28-Jul-20 02:06:55

If Rachel had written the post and shared her story then I think it may have sounded better.

Of course it would have. Because it would be Rachel telling her own story from her perspective. Not her new owner telling the world her story from his perspective that paints him as her saviour.

I just don't think there was an intention for it to be so self-righteous.

Well duh! None of them ever actually want to come across as self righteous. It’s just who they are and it shows in their words.

DryHeave Tue 28-Jul-20 06:32:02

Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much.

FredaFrogspawn Tue 28-Jul-20 06:37:33

It’s as if she had nothing to do with herself - all him. Horrid.

risefromyourgrave Tue 28-Jul-20 06:59:16

Red flags all over the place IMO, he sounds like a total creep.

IndecentFeminist Tue 28-Jul-20 07:01:47

He's an a-hole

IheartJKR Tue 28-Jul-20 07:06:44

Omg I couldn’t get more than half way through because of the self righteousness and the awful grammar...angry

“I could of broke her”, but he wants an award because he didn’t??

He thinks he’s a proper geezer doesn’t he? He’s very ignorant.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Tue 28-Jul-20 07:08:26

It just strikes me that men’s bar for their OWN behaviour is shockingly low.

He feels like an absolute superhero for, er, not abusing her. As far as I can tell from that post, all he has done is be a normal human being. It says so much that he feels it’s worthy of that many words in a self congratulatory post.

NotTerfNorCis Tue 28-Jul-20 07:10:34

It's a dehumanizing way to talk about someone.

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