Page 4 | Is it fair to absolve my mother and, instead, blame men as a class?

(84 Posts)
BreakingTheChain Wed 01-Jul-20 13:24:41

You may be interested by the work of Bethany Webster.

www.bethanywebster.com/

SittingAround1 Wed 01-Jul-20 13:20:52

What were her parent's like ? They should have been protecting her from the abuse when she was a teenager. They have some responsibility in this as well.

LouHotel Wed 01-Jul-20 13:16:52

It's a common theme that child abusers were likely abused themselves and that is a systematic problem but there is also individual responsibility to break the chain,

In saying you blame men as a sex class your absolving your mother of her responsibility. Her historic abuse may be the reason for the drugs and the drug abuse is the reason for your abuse but it doesn't excuse it.

theproblemwitheyes Wed 01-Jul-20 12:42:41

Yeah, I'd be seeing a therapist if i were you.

Herja Wed 01-Jul-20 11:29:52

To be clear, it's not like I walk about blaming every man I see - far from it, I rarely even think about it. Just when I do, when I consider how the fuck that shitstorm came to happen, I blame men and the patriarchy rather than my mother.

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Pertella Wed 01-Jul-20 11:02:17

Blame the men that raped her, and the system which allows men to commit these horrible acts upon her with little to no risk of any consequences to them.

theproblemwitheyes Wed 01-Jul-20 11:00:36

It's definitely not fair, it's a pretty twisted way of thinking.

theproblemwitheyes Wed 01-Jul-20 11:00:00

I think blaming any group as a homogeneous mass for anything is the sign of deeply flawed thinking. Your relationship with your mother is doubtless very complex, and her story (and by extension hers) is utterly tragic, but blaming anyone, and "men as a class" in particular is just a road to further dysfunction. I'd be addressing all of this with a therapist if i were you.

Herja Wed 01-Jul-20 10:57:23

Following a disagreement, where I was told it seems a bit 'man hating feminist', I'm interested in your views.

I had an early childhood in which I was neglected and occasionally abused. This was to a fairly serious level, though not all the time.

This happened because my mother was a raging drug addict. BUT, I have had hundreds of conversations with her; I know why she was a drug addict - it was because she was raped multiple times by multiple men from the age of 13. In ways which were horrific. I can actually remember some of it.

So rather than blame my mother, I blame men as a class for my childhood. And I blame men as a class, rather than my mother, for my resulting poor mental health. I actually have a good relationship with my mum.

I'm pretty set in this view to be honest, but is it fair (Like I think)? Or is it not right to blame men for this (As I have been told)?

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