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Dystopian nightmare?

(90 Posts)
PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 17:19:34


I hit peaktrans about a week ago. Since then I’ve not slept through the night.

Everywhere I look, I see women silenced (or keeping silent), cancelled and losing jobs. I see us being erased by ‘woke’ companies and employers. Not to mention the harm being done to the LGB’s and children.

I’ve lost two close friends today because I’ve seen it for what it is and didn’t keep quiet.

I keep feeling like this is some weird 1984/Gilead sh*t and this only the beginning.

Can anyone give me some perspective on how they feel about this long-term and what will ultimately happen? I’m frightened.

In sisterhood ❤️

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picklemewalnuts Fri 19-Jun-20 17:23:54

Well, first of all you are not alone. In fact, right now things could be considered quite positive, as the Newsnight last night, JKR and John Cleese are all opening the curtains on the issue.

I think we are at a point of peak misogyny, but that the wonderful strong women who've been working to publicise the situation are making great strides. We can get through this if we keep supporting and encouraging each other!

Women like Jean Hatchet are lighting up femicide, some areas are tracking 'hate crimes' against women for the first time.

There is progress, honestly!

Dicotyledon Fri 19-Jun-20 17:52:44

Sleeping is very very important. This is a tough fight and to be able to function well, you need to sleep. If you need to look at positives, consider the information released recently about govt. proposals to protect women’s spaces, look at schools realising that the trans toolkits they had been missold needed to be withdrawn, look at Cambridge realising its mixed sex loos were illegal. The fight goes on, but please don’t let it make you ill.

PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 18:06:07

Thank you both for taking the time to reply to me. I really appreciate it.

Yes I’m actually a really heavy sleeper and this has completely thrown me off kilter. It’s so systematic and insidious. Their fingerprints are on everything and I can’t stop thinking about it. I must find ways to cope with this. After all, how will I fight if I’m incapacitated?😋

I’m so happy JKR has blown the doors off of this.

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withgraceinmyheart Fri 19-Jun-20 18:19:33


I had a similar thing a year or so ago, when I came to realise how serious things are. If it helps, things are feeling much more hopeful now than they were then. Sometimes it needs become clear how bad the problem is before it can get better.

I think it's ok to feel that way..anxious, angry and maybe the right word is grief? Like the world isn't as safe as you thought it was.

There are things you can do. Things like writing to your MP, signing petitions, following gender critical thinkers on social media. It might feel small but you're adding your voice and showing those in power that someone cares about this.

I wrote to an email to JK Rowling to thank her for what she's done, and got a little reply back from her office to say thank you for the support.

Your not alone, and things are changing.

PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 18:23:54

Thank you so much.

It really is a relief to speak about this. I’m doing all I can from indoors and following all of the relevant groups/people and signing everything! I hope we can all meet soon to prove we can’t be f*cked with!

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picklemewalnuts Fri 19-Jun-20 18:26:27

I posted this on another thread where people felt a bit disheartened and overwhelmed. They liked it! You've had a bit of a shock, so take yourself to the middle of the formation for a while to gather your bearings. We've got some great women heading up the formation, just honk encouragingly for a while until you are ready to do a bit more!

The Goose Story
By Harry Clarke Noyes ARCS NEWS, Vol. 7, No. 1, January 1992
Next fall, when you see Geese heading south for the winter, flying along in V formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way: as each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in V formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own. People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another. When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are. When the Head Goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs with people or with geese flying south. Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. What do we say when we honk from behind? Finally, and this is important, when a goose gets sick, or is wounded by gunshots and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly, or until it dies. Only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group. If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.
(Reprinted from materials provided by Bonnie J. Collins, EdM, LCSW-R)

OvaHere Fri 19-Jun-20 18:32:35

It's also important to take time out from thinking about it.

I go so long then have to take time out from Twitter, from here - usually just a few weeks then I leap back in, but it helps.

Sounds cliched but go for walks, read books, binge watch netflix. Anything to occupy your mind with other things.

I also donate to as many crowdfunders as I can, sign petitions etc...makes me feel as if I'm at least doing something concrete rather than just staring into the abyss.

PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 18:33:34

Thank you. You are very sweet and kind and I really do appreciate your lovely words ❤️

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PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 18:35:32

Yes, I think that’s a great idea. I’m just so so shaken by how much they hate us - maybe it’ll take a little more time.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me x

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TheShoesa Fri 19-Jun-20 18:40:58

I understand OP. In some ways I wish I was still in the dark. But once your eyes have been opened, you start to see the inequality absolutely everywhere.

But I have been emboldened to email my MP, correct the Council when they listed incorrect protected charasteristics, got some wording changed in an online learning resource which was wholly inappropriate for 9 year olds, challenged the NHS on incorrect terms on a consent form. It doesn't seem much from an individual point of view, but thousands of small acts add up. That Unison ad from years back comes to mind (not sure if Unison are for or against women's rights now, but still).

Love the Goose story above too!

rabbitwoman Fri 19-Jun-20 18:43:01

Just quickly to add..

I have been following this for about three years and have been to all corners of the debate - I have seen every single issue debated and debunked and then reinstated, I have seen every argument and counter argument and then contra counter argument, both sides and upside down because I just read everything I can and scroll through Twitter and Facebook - it's not an obsession, rather something I do instead of a hobby....

Anyway, the debate was getting so stale because it was the same voices, the same ideas, over again. Then JKR - now a whole load of fresh ideas and rhetoric are coming through and steadily, being listened to and it's not so easy to shout them down any more. It has emboldened people to come out of the shadows more, and more information to be shared. More people are asking and enquiring and its just becoming harder to silence EVERYONE....

I really think a corner has been turned.

I also think that most people just don't care or just aren't that bothered. Oh, they would have soon seen the effects of Self ID had it become law, and probably would have argued about it then, when it was too late.... And most people won't ever realise the damage that was avoided by brave and gutsy people who would not let it happen.

Is JKR already a Dame? If not, she should be, and statues should be built to go alongside Emmeline Pankhurst - but no one will ever really understand the good she did because she prevented the evil from happening in the first place rather than fought against it when it was here.

But we will know. And we will remember....

PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 18:54:11

@rabbitwoman thank you for your contribution to helping me get some perspective and letting me hear yours.

To all of you: thank you for fighting for us all. I’m sorry I didn’t notice before now ❤️

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PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 19:00:15

Oh and going back to my first post: do any of you have a gut feeling about how this is going to play out? Will they grow up and drop it? Find another target? Slink away in defeat? Beat us? Just curious ❤️

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TheProdigalKittensReturn Fri 19-Jun-20 19:04:51

To all of you: thank you for fighting for us all. I’m sorry I didn’t notice before now

It's a relay - one person carries the baton for a while, then passes it on to the next. All of us have a part to play and all are needed. The fact that new people are realizing what's happening now and jumping in is a good thing, since those of us who've been working on it for a while are kind of exhausted.

notyourhandmaid Fri 19-Jun-20 19:05:21

Have a read of this post, shared on another thread:

I've seen far fewer people I know get 'outraged' over JKR than I would have expected - their social media feeds are still very social-justice-focused, but concentrating on anti-racism rather than denouncing her or being 'disappointed' in her etc. I think people who have been 'yes, of course trans rights matter and this is an oppressed group' are starting to question at least the methods, if not necessarily the ideology, of the activism.

And do remember there are plenty of people whose main knowledge of this entire debate is 'that Harry Potter lady got into trouble for saying biological sex was real, you can't say anything anymore, people on the internet are mad'. The people actively pushing trans ideology forwards do shout the loudest, but they're still a small (if influential) group.

PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 19:07:19

@TheProdigalKittensReturn I’m ready. Fuck this

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NaturalBlondeYeahRight Fri 19-Jun-20 19:12:28

Think a lot of us felt like this in the beginning - I was so angry (and angry with myself for not noticing)
But take a breath, the more of us the better but don’t go in all guns blazing in real life. We can’t fix it immediately. Put the ideas in to heads, don’t lose friends. It’s a long game unfortunately (some of the originals have been going a decade or so)
Follow lots of people on twitter, you learn a lot.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Fri 19-Jun-20 19:14:05

And if you have pre teenage children, make facts clear early on. You can’t change sex etc. Mine are teenagers and they’ve been taken in and we can’t discuss it anymore- I’m waiting until they have some life experience.

PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 19:15:43

@notyourhandmaid thanks for the article. Yes! This was me some time ago but I became apathetic. No more. It’s been a difficult day and I’ve lost two real-life close friends because I haven’t backed down. A small price for all of us.
I have been privately calling the unaware.

Thank you

I apologise for not being a great writer (I’m a data analyst - lol!). But it’s all coherently ‘up there’ and I thank you for your eloquence.

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PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 19:18:25

@NaturalBlondeYeahRight indeed. Unfortunately today I couldn’t watch as one lone woman tried to make another friend aware on Facebook. I just had to get in there and back her up. Sadly that mutual friend is seeing an AGP (from what I can gather). You can imagine how it turned out.

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PhilomenaRumple Fri 19-Jun-20 19:19:54

@NaturalBlondeYeahRight I do wish you luck with your children and it’s just natural instinct to comply with the crowd.

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TheProdigalKittensReturn Fri 19-Jun-20 19:19:58

AGP men are so incredibly manipulative, your friend is no doubt being put in a horrible position. Have you read the Trans Widows threads?

OhHolyJesus Fri 19-Jun-20 19:22:00

Hey OP, the first few weeks are rough. It's painful and sad and scary and things you now see you can't unsee. It gets easier but it's hard to focus your anger and use it, at least it was for me, it took me a while but I now take that energy and apply it in useful ways.

My advice would be not to force it though. Processing all this new information and losing friends at the same time is really hard work. I didn't do that and I suffered mentally as a result. It took me a while and I still get moment of pure rage. I think we all do but you get used to it.

Don't spend too much time on here but if you need us we will be here.

Once you are past the worst of it and need ideas of what to do next, we will be here.

Chin up x

Vebrithien Fri 19-Jun-20 19:26:56

JKR made, in her own words "the choice between what is right and what is easy". We can do this too. I join my voice with her and you.

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