This is not a fucking compliment (and I'm terrified)!

[BrexpatInSwitzerland]

Sorry, need to vent in a woman friendly place. Not expecting any advice - I just don't want some random arsehole to tell me I should take it as a compliment. Because I don't!

So, this shit just happened:

I'm sitting in my kitchen in a conference call (as one does these days ... thanks, COVID) when my door bell rings.

Thinking it might be important, I open my window, headset still on, laptop in hand.

Bloke I've never met in my whole life stands outside, shopping bag in hand, smiles and says:

"Hello, gorgeous, may I come in? I've brought beer and I'm looking for a nice single lady to spend some time with due to corona loneliness!"

I'm reasonably dead pan and respond that, no, this is not an option and close the window.

This is the second time something like it has happened to me in 2 years.

It's fucking terrifying!!! I mean, cat calling, street harrassment and arsehole older colleagues staring at your boobs is bad and intimidating.

But what on the fucking planet makes these men think it's even remotely acceptable to literally ring a total stranger's doorbell and ask to be welcomed for a little business hours shag in exchange for ... fucking beer?

I might be great at keeping a straight face and delivering a "no". But I'm petrified. I'm meant to feel safe in my own 4 walls.

As mentioned, something slightly similar has happened to me before (same residence). It was dark then and I didn't get a good look at the bloke. I did today, in bright daylight. This time, he has a beard, last time he didn't. But beards grow.

I'm really not sure which scenario terrifies me more: it being the same bloke, i.e. having a stranger as a stalker who will occasionally turn up and scare the living daylight out of me, or there being more than one of these arseholes out there.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just really shaken still!

[EstherEliza]

What the heck? That's bizzare.

[EstherEliza]

Do you think you are being stalked?

[BrexpatInSwitzerland]

I rang the police the last time this happened. But back then he left me a note saying he'd swing by (and he did), so I had some evidence.

Bloody officers did turn up but put it up as some bloke having no sense of tact and a massive crush.

No evidence this time round. I'm not even sure I should call the police. I mean, who the fuck will believe me when I say "some strange bloke turned up at mine and wanted a corona date in exchange for beer?"

I agree it's bizarre. It's also really really fucking scary!

[TheVanguardSix]

That's really scary, OP. I reckon you're being stalked and there's nothing random about this guy showing up at all... twice (with/without beard!).
Get a Ring doorbell or something like it.

[BrexpatInSwitzerland]

I've no idea if I'm being stalked. Neither this bloke nor the last one rang a bell.

If so, it's horror movie "complete stranger, having spotted random victim at the bus stop" style.

I have no idea who this is (or if it's the same bloke).

[CaraDune]

That's terrifying.

I'd call the police non-emergency number to report it - mention that it's happened twice and you can't be sure it's not the same bloke, so hopefully they'll at least put it on file for if it happens again.

Then I'd be looking into getting a video camera and motion-operated lights for the front of the house, so if it happens again you've got the creepy fucker's face on camera.

[MinorArcana]

That’s very creepy.

[TheVanguardSix]

Bloody officers did turn up but put it up as some bloke having no sense of tact and a massive crush.

I don't mean to come across as anti-anything, but historically, police are worse than useless when it comes to this sort of thing. You have my total sympathy here!

[TheVanguardSix]

Just to add, DO keep reporting to the police!

[Itisbetter]

Surely everyone on the conference call heard it? What an odd thing to happen.

[growinggreyer]

You don't know him but he thinks he knows you. Think about where you work/shop/socialise. Is there somewhere that you could have crossed paths? The Ring doorbell is a good idea. It records everyone who passes close to it, he wouldn't have to press the button to be recorded. Call the police to log it and make a diary entry on your computer with as much detail as you can.

[TheVanguardSix]

Wait. You said in your first post that he rang the bell. Then you say he didn't.
At any rate, get a smart doorbell.

[MoltenLasagne]

If it's not the same guy is it possible that someone has posted your address on hookup sites? Seems unlikely 2 years apart but happened to my friend and turned out to be a guy she'd turned down looking to get revenge.

[RyanBergarasTeeth]

Oh how creepy. Deffo call the police. Sounds like its the same guy. Surely theres not 2 guys who would do this as its not normal behaviour at all. As a pp said get a ring doorbell or cctv outside your house and make a note in a diary of date and time in case you need it as evidence.

[Cloudyapples]

Get yourself a ring doorbell camera op

[RyanBergarasTeeth]

Oh also lock your doors and windows when you are not in view of them or using them just in case he is a stalker.

[CaraDune]

@MoltenLasagne

If it's not the same guy is it possible that someone has posted your address on hookup sites? Seems unlikely 2 years apart but happened to my friend and turned out to be a guy she'd turned down looking to get revenge.

That had occurred to me as a possibility - or someone with a similar address. Anyone got any ideas for doing a google search? Maybe your streetname and "hookups" or similar.

[TangibleTuTu]

Can you put up a camera outside your front door? Make sure it can scan quite wide so hopefully it can pick up more details such as the road, his car and registration number? I think some will turn on with movement rather than film constantly? I would definitely get one as you can check if he is coming over at other times and obviously record him if he comes back.

[EstherEliza]

I'd definitely look at getting a camera. If he comes back hopefully you can record him and find out who he actually is.

[LongPauseNoReply]

If you are in Switzerland as your name suggests then this doesn’t surprise me. It’s the most misogynistic woman hating country I’ve ever lived in. It’s like 1955 again!

[SpongeBobsPineapple]

www.suzylamplugh.org/

Are an incredibly supportive organisation.
What level of porn consumption makes someone think that that is acceptable in rl?

[Likethebattle]

A ring doorbell catches any motion outside, the person doesn’t need to ring the actual doorbell. It might even be a deterrent if he knows he’s being filmed.

[BrexpatInSwitzerland]

Wait. You said in your first post that he rang the bell. Then you say he didn't.

Sorry, unprecise phrasing on my part.

The bloke rang the bell (on my door) but hus face didn't (as in, I don't recognise him).

Anyway, I did ring the police. Very empathetic officer this time round. Recorded the incident, located the file from last time round and said "if it happens again, ring emergency services and demand they come right by".

And, yes, I'm in Switzerland. Most blokes I personally know around here seem perfectly sane, mind!