A question from a Trans Widow

(18 Posts)
DeployTheTut Fri 22-May-20 13:45:11

Saw this on Twitter, and I would love to know your opinions.
“ Weird question, when my ex decided (unbeknownst to me) to properly investigate his trans side, did anyone else experience the input of single, straight, childless women 'his friends' encouraging him to go for it, despite knowing he was married with children?”


OP’s posts: |
DeployTheTut Fri 22-May-20 14:55:45


OP’s posts: |
TinselAngel Fri 22-May-20 15:39:25

Sorry I'm busy interacting with it on Twitter. It's an interesting discussion though and worth checking out.

Michelleoftheresistance Fri 22-May-20 16:17:25

Interesting discussion indeed. It sadly confirms that the women involved do not perceive the male involved as a woman. However much they do the validating in words the actions shout the absolute opposite. They make it eminently clear by their actions that males are held to very much lower expectations and standards than women hold other women, and that gaining the approval of a male and indulging and nurturing a perceived vulnerable male is a trained instinct and equals valued male attention to these women who rush to coo and infantilise, while having no truck at all with extending that to another female.

Females don't tolerate other females pulling this kind of shit, they expect more of each other than that.

DeployTheTut Fri 22-May-20 16:28:26

This is so true!

OP’s posts: |
fullofgoodintentions Fri 22-May-20 16:34:12

There's a person I know via a walking group who announced his transition on the group fb page (his wife is also a member). It was staggering the amount of congratulatory messages flowing his way. Not a mention of his wife of 35 years, or his adult dc, or the grandchildren, and how they might be coping with it all.

DeployTheTut Fri 22-May-20 16:53:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OP’s posts: |
DeployTheTut Fri 22-May-20 17:59:12

Oh, am I not allowed to compare the tendency for men to develop (and hide) paraphillias, or the reaction they get for revealing them to wives, friends, and others? My bad, MNHQ

OP’s posts: |
Michelleoftheresistance Fri 22-May-20 18:14:38

It's not HQ. Interesting that someone has rushed to police this conversation, so despite it only being 8 posts it's obviously not one causing panic (one wonders what women can say in eight posts that causes such frantic rushing to supervise), and they've spotted a Word they can nag HQ about. Even though in the context it was being used it was perfectly within guidelines and relevant to the truths of the women talking.

NotAGirl Fri 22-May-20 18:23:34

Michelleoftheresistance has said very much what I wanted to say. It shows we have a long way to go to undo female socialisation

DeployTheTut Fri 22-May-20 19:26:05

Thanks. I’m a bit of a n00b, and have to admit that being ‘reported’ has had the desired effect. It has made me feel like shutting up and ceding space. However, years of feminist consciousness raising means I notice this urge, and allow it, and choose to try to do the opposite, because you’re right: this is what female socialisation is, and this is why we fight it

OP’s posts: |
Michelleoftheresistance Fri 22-May-20 19:54:03

Not to mention, it is important to note what this political lobby are afraid of being said. And afraid to leave out there for other people to see and think about.

OvaHere Fri 22-May-20 19:55:26

Don't cede any space. It's possible to evade the monitors by going around the houses a bit word wise. It can be a tad tedious but best to look at it as a sport! grin

TinselAngel Fri 22-May-20 21:59:14

Getting deleted / a strike for mentioning AGP is almost a rite of passage so I wouldn't worry OP.

TheProdigalKittensReturn Fri 22-May-20 22:06:09

The fetish that must not speak its name (because it's best demonstrated and understood in selfie form).

DeployTheTut Fri 22-May-20 22:15:01

grin and flowers for everyone of you

OP’s posts: |
nauticant Fri 22-May-20 22:37:37

Don't worry about it DeployTheTut. Apparently referring to the fact that fetishes fixated on feminine things and behaviours can fall under the trans umbrella often gets you a deletion on MN while it's celebrated by Stonewall and the trans activist Internet in general.

Nice username by the way.

unwashedanddazed Sat 23-May-20 00:16:12

I find it revealing how vigilant the surveillance of trans widows is, here and on Twitter.

It must be because the trans widows know more than anyone the actual truths of the late transitioner.

And it's for that reason these women's voices are crucial and should be amplified not suppressed.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in