Woman is gay but not a lesbian

(21 Posts)
Sittinonthefloor Wed 20-May-20 15:40:13

What does it mean? Reading a bbc article about Batwoman, the actor is described as ‘openly gay’ but later the article says something about some people saying the role should have ‘gone to a lesbian’.

OP’s posts: |
merryhouse Wed 20-May-20 15:52:10

Possibly something to do with her describing herself as genderfluid? Apparently she would rather have been a man but has no desire to transition. Maybe they think this doesn't count as a woman?

Whatisthisfuckery Wed 20-May-20 16:35:20

People are afraid of the word lesbians. Men generally dislike lesbians and some women are afraid of being disliked by men, even if they never want to have sex or a relationship with one.

Personally I love the word lesbian and would always describe myself as such. Anybody who says I’m gay gets told that ‘no, I’m not gay, I’m a lesbian, thank you.’

popehilarious Wed 20-May-20 16:48:15

One of the linked articles has a tweet from someone saying that RR 'doesn't identify as lesbian' so I guess that's it? I can't actually unpick what any of it actually means though?

Miriel Wed 20-May-20 18:38:00

It depends on whether lesbian means 'homosexual female' or 'anyone who identifies as a lesbian' - the latter meaning that if you don't say you are, then you aren't, even if you're a woman who is only attracted to other women. This is also the logic that gives us the well-known lesbian, beardy Alex Drummond.

I like it when words actually mean things, but apparently lots of people don't.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines Wed 20-May-20 19:43:02


So many people are actively scared of women who don't follow societal expectations, and don't care what men think.

see also the demonisation of the word 'feminism'

Viviennemary Wed 20-May-20 19:46:55

I have never heard a gay woman describe herself as a lesbian. It's one of these words I thought you just don't usually use.

Dances Wed 20-May-20 19:56:05

What's the 'L' part of LGBT all about then Viv?

Viviennemary Wed 20-May-20 20:01:57

Yes I know what it stands for . I wasn't making a judgement just an observation that people say oh my daughter, my friend and so on is gay rather than is a lesbian.

Lordfrontpaw Wed 20-May-20 20:11:23

Just shows that words have lost their meaning these days.

Dances Wed 20-May-20 20:15:45

Lesbian is not a thing now?

God forbid there is a unique term to describe female homosexuals.

But no, there isn't, because now males can ID as lesbians.

Now Lesbians are gay or trans men, males are lesbians and the straight people with blue hair are queer

Stunning Brave New World

Dances Wed 20-May-20 20:48:46

"It's one of those words I thought you just don't usually use"

Why do you think that.? Is it a dirty word?

DrDavidBanner Wed 20-May-20 21:08:06

I'm not even a lesbian and it pisses me off. I've been kistening to a lot of podcasts during furlough and one I was listening to was about the history of LGBTQ, I had to turn it off it was winding me up for two reasons.

1. There was a lesbian who defined herself as gay, not a lesbian because lesbian seemed really negative to her and she wanted to be seen and I quote as "one of the lads". How fucking depressing is that.

2. The host was asking about the term queer and how historically it has been a really bad slur and was told, queer is more inclusive now as it includes all sexualities. Dafuq?

I turned it off after that, I couldn't listen to any more.

Viviennemary Wed 20-May-20 21:09:40

Because I don't hear others use it. So I don't. I'm very conventional. Usually.grin

Dances Wed 20-May-20 21:25:30

Good to know viv

Thanks for sharing

Sittinonthefloor Wed 20-May-20 23:05:09

So that’s cleared that up then... how sad that the word lesbian is seen so negatively. Very naively I had no idea that was the case.

OP’s posts: |
JellySlice Thu 21-May-20 07:41:21

I think it may be because she's bi. So that's not good enough to play a lesbian. According to certain advocates, a lesbian has to be played by a lesbian actor. That's inclusion. But apparently Catwoman is Jewish and the actor is not. So you don't have to be Jewish to play a Jewish character.

Isn't playing as someone else called 'acting'? If you are only allowed to play a person who has the same attributes as you, it's called 'typecasting'. Which is bad because it is restrictive - the opposite of inclusive.

JudyHale Thu 21-May-20 09:27:34

Probably due to the amount of prejudice bisexual and gender fluid people face.

Hostility, hatred, outright disbelief that such people even exist, pernicious insistence that they are untrustworthy and dishonest, that they are bound to be promiscuous/unfaithful, insistence that they somehow shirk their responsibilities as non-hets and face no prejudice at all. Definitely seen as “less than”.

As a bisexual woman, the most consistent source of prejudice and hatred I have faced has been from lesbian women. Not uniformly but predominantly, and the more “scene” the more vocal and pronounced in their prejudice.

Straight men can have an exploitative or sleazy attitude but not the blanket distrust. Bi-men usually pretty sympathetic, straight women usually get it, gay men a bit of initial “you sure you’re not gay?” but very persuadable and accepting in the face of any kind of explanation at all.

So I can see why someone who was bisexual or gender fluid would definitely prefer to identify as gay rather than lesbian.

PowerTools Thu 21-May-20 09:30:40

Lesbian is used as such an insult now that very sadly many of the young women I know opt to be called queer or gay rather than lesbian.

GrolliffetheDragon Sat 23-May-20 11:39:45

So I can see why someone who was bisexual or gender fluid would definitely prefer to identify as gay rather than lesbian.

From what I've read, we're not allowed to call ourselves lesbians as it's appropriation. (Not that I want to, I'm bi not lesbian.)

GCGayDad Sat 23-May-20 17:38:42

Personally I love the word lesbian and would always describe myself as such. Anybody who says I’m gay gets told that ‘no, I’m not gay, I’m a lesbian, thank you.’

I feel the same now about LGBTQ or similar terms. I remember about 9 months ago I was at a pub quiz with my boyfriend. The young quizmaster, who was gay, was extra nice to us cos we were the only gag couple playing, but he called us “LGBT”. Since then, however, I’ve learnt so much lore about this stuff - here and elsewhere - and I’d now probably say, “I’m not LGBT, I’m gay.”

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