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Hello and thank you

(22 Posts)
BlueRaincoat1 Fri 06-Mar-20 20:26:20

Hello everyone
I have been a reader of this board for about 2 years now. I have learned so much, and am immensely grateful to many posters for their insights and knowledge about gender critical feminism, the problems with self ID and the broader issues with the continuing conflation of sex and gender.

I work in a professional role in an industry where being visibly gender critical is likely to be a big problem for some of our important clients. I am, selfishly, apprehensive about being publically vocal with my views. I cant at all afford to lose my job. It would also likely cause a big problem in a couple of close friendships.

But I see the enormous sacrifice being made by those brave women who have put themselves in the public eye: politicians, activists, journalists, lawyers, academics, writers etc. And I think they have so much more conviction than me, it is not right to only rant about this to my husband when I feel so strongly about it. To hope that other women win the argument for me.

But then I think what good is me posting on Twitter (or whatever) to my 60 followers, only to potentially lose my job. My voice is not loud. It would be for nothing.

I don't know.

I am attending a public meeting next week in my city, about various related issues, being chaired by some awesome women. It will be the first public thing I have done to support this movement, and all it is is attending. I completed the government consultation thing last year too.

I am posting here just to add my voice, as another woman who agrees with so much of what is said here, who agrees that that sentence 'transwomen are women' is infuriatingly meaningless and illiterate, that KNOWS that womanhood is a fact, not an identity, and that fears for her little children growing up with such baffling messages about gender identity that a small child who is gender non-conforming might be told they are literally the opposite sex. I am beyond horrified.

Thank you all for the work you have done.

OP’s posts: |
Languishingfemale Fri 06-Mar-20 20:29:16

As Suzanne Moore said in the Guardian: There are more of us than you think

We all do what we can.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons Fri 06-Mar-20 20:40:58

It all helps, it all counts, it all matters.

Things you can do without being visible- complete the Scottish consultation (please!), write to your MP/MSP/AM, write to idiotic companies that make women’s spaces mixed sex, sign petitions. (Probably lots of other things too but I need to get the kids to bed!)

mcduffy Fri 06-Mar-20 20:41:23

Thanks for posting, raincoat.
I am a bit too gobby about the issue and it gets me into occasional trouble, with my lack of filter. My industry is an important one for the cause and I know that I'm better inside the tent pissing out (or a less male equivalent grin) but I just find it so difficult. I am very logic-driven but also the least political/manipulative type. One of our best mates is a SHL and I hope he'll defend me if I lose my job! If I do I'll out myself on here.

NonnyMouse1337 Fri 06-Mar-20 20:50:19

Don't feel bad about not being able to be more public about your views. It's understandable. As Languishingfemale says we all do what we can. There's no point in risking your livelihood and profession unless you really have to.

It doesn't mean that you can't still help out though.... Attending meetings. Making small donations to crowdfunders when you can. Signing petitions. Emailing MPs, local councillors etc to raise your concerns or persuade them to attend any relevent events. Sending thank you cards to politicians and others in the public eye who stand up for women's rights. Depending on your skill set you can help with some background research - there's a lot of information about and it can be hard to keep track of it all. You can contribute to threads here and explain things to those who have genuine questions. Find a local grassroots group - maybe you can help make banners, stitch lovely flags or design leaflets. There's lots of things that don't necessarily require you to expose yourself or take a public stand.

Oh, if you haven't already done so, please fill in the current Scottish consultation for the proposed reforms to the GRA. smile

BlueRaincoat1 Fri 06-Mar-20 20:53:36

Thank you for the replies. Good ideas @Gibbons, thank you! You are right- I could definitely contact companies who do stupid things (including Starbucks where I am no boycotting). I can also email support to those who do brave things, like the above mentioned Suzanne Moore. I will do that tonight .

OP’s posts: |
BlueRaincoat1 Fri 06-Mar-20 20:57:28

Thank you @NonnyMouse - I am feeling inspired by your post! Thanks for taking the time. A grassroots group is a great idea. I'm coming blinking out of 5 years of babies, and I really do want to contribute more.

OP’s posts: |
WelcomeToTheMountaintop Fri 06-Mar-20 21:21:42

I do think a well deployed, totally innocent

‘gosh, why?‘

Can be bloody useful.

northender Fri 06-Mar-20 21:33:09

I'm in a similar position to you OP. I have conversations with people when the opportunity arises, absolutely inspired by the wonderful women on here and who I follow on Twitter.

StandUpStraight Fri 06-Mar-20 21:56:54

Me too, OP. I am full of admiration for the women who put themselves out there on this, again and again. It’s not only the abuse they get, it’s the fact that they have been slogging away at this for years when for much of that time it must have seemed hopeless. But you have done something today - your post has reminded me to fill in the Scottish consultation, which I have just done!

pombear Fri 06-Mar-20 22:02:25

Hello Blue. Good to have your voice. I'm also indebted to the amazing posters here, who also led me to those who've been speaking out in different places, both in public and anonymously, elsewhere.

As others have said, there are many ways to get involved. And the fact that you're going to a meeting is fantastic - without numbers and support, the meeting means nothing. And you'll probably have some great conversations with other people there. Maybe find out if there are local meetings you could get involved with?

And like Nonny and Gibbons says, there are so many ways to get involved.

And as northender says, those individual conversations make a difference - I've now got friends I've been talking to over the last couple of years who are sending me links saying 'have you seen this', and becoming more and more involved themselves in the discussion.

Each conversation you have can have a ripple effect.

As Languishing says there are more of us than you think !

And this is a great place to start testing your voice and your thoughts.

OhHolyJesus Fri 06-Mar-20 23:09:33

Hi OP, we are with you as much as you are with us. Not everyone can risk losing their jobs, Posie has spoken about her freedom to do this as she's a stay at home mum, there is much you can do. I have to watch my mouth a bit at work.

If you fancy joining in with some of the grunt work then message NewUser but there are so many great suggestions already.

Do what you can, that all we can ever do.

BlueRaincoat1 Sat 07-Mar-20 00:29:14

Thank you all for the encouragement. I will start posting more on this board and contributing to the conversation, as well as the other suggestions.

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MrsNoah2020 Sat 07-Mar-20 00:39:54

I'm also in a profession where being openly GC would be likely to lead to being disbarred. But they can't sack me for innocently asking questions about the impact of policies on Muslim women, for example. And a small recent victory was getting 'gender' replaced by 'sex' on the grounds that it's best practice to mirror the EA.

FannyCann Sat 07-Mar-20 05:15:00

Hello Blue
Would the public meeting you are attending next week be this one in Bristol ?

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/feminist-academics-talk-back-tickets-91495697093?ref=eios

See you there if so!

howonearthdidwegethere Sat 07-Mar-20 06:19:10

As others have said, we all do what we can. Every small act helps.

And there is so much you can do without being 'out'. I did so much emailing and slinging donations to crowdfunders etc. before I was a bit more open about my views.

I emailed all my local councillors about the dodgy schools guidance in my area, I emailed and met most of my MSPs and met my MP. I emailed charities, newspaper editors - all behind the scenes, just asking simple, polite questions.

I forwarded material to friends who were interested to find out more and then latterly I went to a couple of meetings.

I think also when people talk about being 'out', they mean prominently voicing support on social media. There's so much more to it than that (quite obviously!) and this battle is not going to be won online. Those were the TRA methods and their house is built on sand for that reason.

Real world stuff is what matters and there is so much you can do, even from the comfort of your own home!

(Hope you meet some wonderful people at the event you're going to. I'm sure you will! It's a big boost when you meet up with others who are similarly concerned.)

TimeLady Sat 07-Mar-20 07:19:36

Small steps matter too.

I've done the GC rant to my (grown up) children and I can see it's given them confidence to stand their ground with their own friends and colleagues. My son says one of his female colleagues sounds just like me but twenty years younger, but at least he is happy to openly offer her his support in the workplace. And he treats the LGBT lectures with a healthy dose of scepticism.

Both are also now well aware of the need to be on the lookout for any insidious indoctrination at schools and they are now prepared to initiate discussion with their friends.

Tiny ripples, but each helps gets the message through.

TorkTorkBam Sat 07-Mar-20 09:29:55

Avoid twitter. It is a pit. It is not real life. In your work situation I would not yet put anything on social media. The time is rapidly coming though.

I find that simple gentle questions about free speech, impact on religious women, sport all help when a context arises.

I have once had to use "oh, careful now, I don't identify as cis". It went well.

BlueRaincoat1 Sat 07-Mar-20 10:13:18

Thanks again. @howonearth your post is really helpful. I think because I've spent so much time on social media etc reading about these issues I've lost sight of the fact that it's not at all the extent of what I could do (without wanting to diminish it's importance). You are all right that there are many other ways to help rather than wading in online, and I need to make that effort.

OP’s posts: |
BlueRaincoat1 Sat 07-Mar-20 10:14:14

And @FannyCann yes it is!

OP’s posts: |
GodwinsRulebook Sat 07-Mar-20 14:58:23

See you there, BlueRaincoat. I have to be cautious in public (have had to deal with a complaint & threat of disciplinary action), but do what I can in supporting others. It should be a good night!

FannyCann Thu 12-Mar-20 22:09:00

Aww. @GodwinsRulebook @BlueRaincoat1

Really sad we won't be meeting tomorrow as the event has been postponed.
Bloody coronavirus.

Hopefully it will be reconvened in the not too distant future.

I'm sure it's the best decision under the circumstances.

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