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Being hit

(79 Posts)
hocine12 Sun 12-Jan-20 07:05:16

Ok, so I'm going to lay my cards on the table from the start... I'm a 25yr old guy

I promise I'm not some men's rights moron. I realise that almost all of society is institutionaly wieghted against women and (despite the single sex catholic school I went to), I'm part of the problem

But I take real issue with the concept whereby it's ok for a woman to hit me.
The justification I usually here is that men are(usually) stronger.
But I'm skinny AF, and an 5'6
I have never hit anywone, and I don't understand why it should be acceptable from a woman

P.S this is not a rant
Il try my best to. consider every reply withthe merit it deserves

SophoclesTheFox Sun 12-Jan-20 07:09:14

What part of feminism is telling you it’s ok for women to hit men?

It’s not exactly a core part of the philosophy.

Where is this coming from?

Puta Sun 12-Jan-20 07:10:32

It's not acceptable, and I doubt you'll find many on this board who'll say that it is. Is someone hitting you?

hocine12 Sun 12-Jan-20 07:16:21

No you're so correct,
I posted it on the feminism section because i thought you would understand

Yes, on several occasions... it's not that damaging physically, but it feels like your 7 and being bullied again

I'm probably over reacting, but I just think there are plenty of women who are bigger and stronger than me. I wouldn't hit them ever, because I'm not a dick. It just annoys me that social convention day it should just take it (especially when I don't feel I did anything wrong)

boatyardblues Sun 12-Jan-20 07:18:40

Physical violence is not the answer or acceptable, irrespective of who is hitting and their target.

user1480880826 Sun 12-Jan-20 07:23:49

I’ve never heard anyone say it’s ok for a woman to hit a man. What makes you think that’s what people think?

You might have been hit by women in the past but that doesn’t mean that society thinks it’s ok. Women are hit my men all the time and it still doesn’t mean society thinks it’s ok.

deydododatdodontdeydo Sun 12-Jan-20 07:26:47

Men are on the whole bigger and stronger than women.
But I agree that isn't everything. Bigger, stronger men don't always dominate smaller ones. It's about willing too.
If you're not the type of person to use physical violence or aggression, but a smaller person is - well, they might well hit you and be able to bully you.
I have over the years known many women to hit their partners. The consequences have never been severe - no broken bones or bruises.
But it would still be unnacceptable the other way round.

hocine12 Sun 12-Jan-20 07:29:52

User.... (that username is a nightmare on a phone)

I think part of it is the media
If a girl slaps a guy I eastenders that's ok, funny even.
But if the situation where reversed...

Again I'm not trying to make some case for men being hard done by (we so obviously are not)

I'm simply saying that as a concept it seems wrong

dangerrabbit Sun 12-Jan-20 07:31:20

If you are getting hurt by a partner I am sorry to hear your situation and there is an organisation that can help you:

www.mankind.org.uk/

CALL 01823 334244

Confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence

Weekdays 10am to 4pm

Call 999 if in immediate danger

hocine12 Sun 12-Jan-20 07:36:00

Well thanks ladies,
It seems I was correct in thinking that domestic violence of any form is abhorrent and immoral
Thanks for weighing in

littlecabbage Sun 12-Jan-20 07:36:34

I don't watch soap operas. Are they really showing women hitting men and making it that is okay?

Physical violence is never acceptable. If tv shows are giving that message, please complain to OfCom.

emilybrontescorsett Sun 12-Jan-20 07:38:22

It's not ok to hit anyone.

SnuggyBuggy Sun 12-Jan-20 07:39:12

Its not OK for women to hit you. I can remember being quite young and my DM telling me after we'd seen something on TV that it's not funny when women hit men because many men feel unable to defend themselves and it can make them sad.

Bamboo15 Sun 12-Jan-20 07:43:46

OP it’s not ok that anyone hits you and when it’s happening in a relationship it completely undermines you and changes the dynamics in a way you won’t get back. It’s not about whether it physically hurts you. You should consider leaving, do you feel that you can, and do you have RL friends / family you can talk to?

BobTheDuvet Sun 12-Jan-20 07:46:34

You are right that it is a common trope in films particularly, the women slapping the man for comic effect (or just doing it and it being presented as perfectly acceptable). I don't really understand why they still do it.

DickKerrLadies Sun 12-Jan-20 07:51:25

In the media, I think one aspect is the common opinion that women are weaker and more emotional than men (because it seems anger only counts as an emotion sometimes) therefore a woman slapping a man is seen as non-violent or at least not the same as a man slapping a woman.

Sexism against women can harm some men too.

JanesKettle Sun 12-Jan-20 07:53:39

It's not OK for anyone to hit you, woman or man.

I once slapped an (abusive) partner. I was wrong to do so. Provocation means very little. It was not OK for me to do that. It was not funny.

I have been a feminist since I knew what a feminist was. The media and makers of TV drama, not so much. There is no feminist agenda to make it cool to hit other people, including males.

Hope that helps.

JurgenKloppsCat Sun 12-Jan-20 08:23:12

In all my years reading this board, I have never seen a single person, feminist or not, say that this would be acceptable. For clarity, I am a man. Where does this come from? Why are you asking, OP?

PlanDeRaccordement Sun 12-Jan-20 08:39:54

No it is not acceptable to ever hit anyone.
OP is right though that the female slap has been shown to us for decades as acceptable behaviour. There is a great article that came out this week about it on medium
medium.com/*@pricelindy*/we-need-to-talk-about-the-female-slap-d419c56758f7

“You’ve probably seen a woman slapping a man (or kicking/punching him) on-screen at some point, but in case you haven’t, here are just a few examples of where you can find it: How I Met Your Mother, Ratatouille, Modern Family, Glee, Scrubs, Riverdale, The Mindy Project, Jane the Virgin, The Vampire Diaries, Frozen, Desperate Housewives, and General Hospital.
The female slap can be discovered in every genre — from soap operas to Disney films. Although the women who physically assault men in these movies and shows are often seen as strong and courageous, the message behind the female slap is less about empowerment and more about physical violence.”

*It’s difficult to determine how TV shows or movies have directly impacted how much women hit men, but the numbers troubling. While one in twenty men report to hitting a female partner, one in seven women admit to hitting a male partner.
In 2016, Natalia Milano wrote a Medium article entitled, Why I Stopped Slapping My Boyfriend In The Face, and launched the #NoMoreSlapping campaign. She, like many young, impressionable girls, grew up watching their favorite actresses slap men, and carried this behavior into her own life.*

HorseWithNoTimeForThis Sun 12-Jan-20 09:00:16

I hate that woman slaps man across face trope in films and TV; it is a real turn off.

I bet the writers of this shite are usually men.

Ereshkigal Sun 12-Jan-20 09:09:43

I have never once been violent to anyone. I have however been in a relationship with a man whose previous female partner was abusive to him. He was abusive to me. Violence is never justified.

PlanDeRaccordement Sun 12-Jan-20 10:56:55

bet the writers of this shite are usually men.

I think this is a great point and should be studied to see if the case or not. Just taking the shows listed in the article I posted, there’s not enough to show this to be the case (sample size too small), but as a random sample, it does show up more often in shows written by men than by women:

Female:
Jane the Virgin- Carolina Rivera
Mindy Project- Mindy Kalling
General Hospital- Shelly Altman

Team written 50/50:
Vampire Diaries
Frozen
Scrubs

Male:
Riverdale-Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Glee- same as above
Desperate Housewives- Marc Cherry
How I Met Yr Mother- Justin Stangel
Ratatouille- Jan Pinkava

PlanDeRaccordement Sun 12-Jan-20 10:59:02

Oops
Left off When Harry Met Sally which was written by a woman- Nora Ephron. So it’s 4 by women, 3 by mixed teams, 5 by men. Inconclusive. But if I were a media studies student....I’d do a study to see for certain.

stillathing Sun 12-Jan-20 10:59:23

Not to detract from the fact violence is not OK, but just want to add that being a smaller man doesn't necessarily make you weaker than women. It's not just about physical size, it's about muscle fibres and lung capacity too. When I met my partner he was 2 stone lighter than me, limbs like spaghetti, lazy and a smoker. I was super fit, slim with reasonably defined muscles. He still won every arm wrestle & play fight. I was mortified because I'd absorbed the fallacy that women deserving equality = there are no differences between men and women.

TheTigersBride Sun 12-Jan-20 10:59:58

Desperate Housewives- Marc Cherry

Desperate Housewives had a whole raft of writers- several of whom were women.

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