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"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

(390 Posts)
GunpowderGelatine Wed 13-Nov-19 11:43:00

...you know the kind of things that, if you didn't look for it you wouldn't even notice?

For example, I'm at hospital today for an outpatient appointment. I noticed that when the staff (Male and female) would call out for patients for their appointment, they would use women's full names (e.g. "Emily Dixon?") and for men they'd use their salutation ("Mr Roberts?"). Every. Single. Time.

I feel like if we look out for things like these we'd notice a lot more? Is it just me going mad or do other people have things like this happen?

mumofbun Wed 13-Nov-19 12:56:15

I once booked a holiday on line and put Dr as my title. When the confirmation email came through it had changed it to Mr. I had to enquire about it as i was worried it would mean i couldn't get on the plane or something and they changed it but was pretty annoyed. In another case i was making a booking over the phone and the woman asked me if it was mrs or miss...

ArnoldWhatshisknickers Wed 13-Nov-19 12:58:10

Actually I do notice one thing but it does that make me laugh - bar people always give my Guinness to my husband and his girly Bud Light to me. Every single time!

That's an interesting one. My partner doesn't drink and bar staff never accidently give me his coke and him my pint of larger.

I wonder if this is related to assumptions about who does the driving therefore who can't drink alcohol?

(in our case they'd be right, I drink, he drives, them's the rules, unless it's a 400 mile drive to London when I do the bulk)

NonnyMouse1337 Wed 13-Nov-19 12:59:04

I find staff in restaurants always hand the bill to the man I'm with.

I've had staff take my credit card or cash from me... And after the transaction hand back the card or change to the man with me. shock

Makes me laugh more than annoyed even though it's thoughtless sexism. People don't mean harm. It's just things we do without thinking because humans learn usually by unthinkingly copying others around them.

I'm dark skinned and it makes me giggle when white people are surprised that brown people get tan lines too. I don't vew it as racism or get offended. It's not something they have ever had to think about before.

I did get really angry though when I was getting a divorce and the clerk couldn't understand why I hadn't filled in my married name... And I kept telling him that I never changed my name when I married. My maiden name is my married name. And he looked thoroughly confused and insisted I correct what I had written. I was very close to losing my shit and (ex) husband was there and had to step in lol.

KaptenKrusty Wed 13-Nov-19 13:05:14

The drinks thing is always funny - I ordered a whisky with ice and my Husband and his friend ordered fancier cocktails (Daquiri's or something like that) they obs gave me the pink one and the whisky was for a man!! there was confusion over who the second pink drink was for!! hahaha

Another one is assuming the man will pay!! eeep sad

LivingDeadGirlUK Wed 13-Nov-19 13:15:07

Quite often had the drink one where my pint is passed to my partner and I am presented with the fancy cocktail.

Not noticed the bill thing, I'm sure its usually placed on the table between the two of us, rather than handed over.

The one time I ordered a large breakfast and my partner just had a small they did get this wrong but tbf we eat in there quite often and he usually does have a large breakfast.

LivingDeadGirlUK Wed 13-Nov-19 13:17:37

Actually you have just reminded me of a works Christmas do years ago, whole company type thing where they hired out a night club. A bloke I vaguely recognised as a senior member of another team pushed in front of me at the bar and when I called him out on it said 'well they will spend ages preparing your cocktail and I just want a beer'. Just given myself the rage remembering that :D

Redshoeblueshoe Wed 13-Nov-19 13:19:39

Another Guinness drinker here, my pint is always passed to my DH

SayOohLaLa Wed 13-Nov-19 13:24:47

We have a supplier at work. When you email their generic help email, you get an automated message back starting "dear sirs". Annoys me every time as the sector we work in there's broadly a 50/50 split of men and women so the person emailing is not particularly likely to be a bloke.

MadamBatty Wed 13-Nov-19 13:28:59

Went into a sofa shop with my brother. The saleswoman said ‘how much are you letting her spend today!’ He laughed

There’s an ad on an Irish language station. An elderly lady & a young man sitting outside a pub chatting. A waiter brings out a coffee & a pint of Guinness. Gives the coffee to the woman & Guinness to the man. They swop

LivingDeadGirlUK Wed 13-Nov-19 13:30:14

When it comes to work, have a technical job in a male dominated industry. I have the below happen on a weekly basis.

1) Assumed to be PA/receptionist making appointment for someone else 'and who will be attending the meeting?' etc.
2) Assumed non technical level of understanding when speaking to manufacturers or specialists.
3) Assumed to be less senior than male colleagues, questions directed to them.
4) Assumed to be in the wrong place ie shouted at when entering site along the lines of 'Oi where do you think your going?!'

Usually its just a fleeting misunderstanding but it still happens very regularly. Also find most quotes are addressed to 'Dear Sirs', even when being sent from a rep who is also a woman!

Jaxhog Wed 13-Nov-19 13:31:42

When I bought my new car, the salesman didn't want to give the bunch of flowers to my husband! Clearly a gift for the 'little woman' only.

I pay more than 5 times the sum my husband does for hair cutting. We both have short hair.

And, at technical forums (I'm in IT), many men assume I'm something to do with the catering. I'm an older woman so get micro ageism too.

Jaxhog Wed 13-Nov-19 13:34:55

Just be glad it isn't the 70s, when I had to get DH's signature on my tax return!

Hoppinggreen Wed 13-Nov-19 13:38:20

I’m a Relocation agent. Last week I was working with an American couple. She is a very high earning, CEO of a major company, he is a SAHD. Every Estate agent / school / anyone else we dealt with asked HIM if the relocation was due to HIS job
After a while she turned to me and said “this is pissing you off too isn’t it?” Yes, it certainly was!

HorseWithNoFucksToGive Wed 13-Nov-19 13:42:49

Is it awful that I never notice these things and that even pointed out, I can't get aggrieved about it!

I don't think it's awful, just a bit sad.

NonnyMouse1337 Wed 13-Nov-19 13:44:11

I pay more than 5 times the sum my husband does for hair cutting. We both have short hair.

Do you both go to the same place or does he go to the barbers and you go to a hairdresser?
I think women with short hair are better served going to a barber. Hairdressers are always so pointlessly expensive, but then I suppose they have to cover the cost of things like sinks to wash hair in and various hair products and shampoo.

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 13:51:33

If I can muster the energy to even cut my nails, I consider it top quality grooming these days but no, as I am a woman, I must be longing for a daughter so we can go and make ourselves look attractive to men

Agree, and even worse - and creepy AF - is all the protective dad stuff about baby girls and future boyfriends - dads imagining their responses to their daughters dating when that daughter is still a newborn, saying they will kill any boy who looks at her etc. Simultaneously focusing on a girl as a future sexual object while denying that she will have sexual desires. Impossible to imagine it being said of a baby boy.

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 13:53:12

When it comes to work, have a technical job in a male dominated industry

Parked in the doctor's parking space. Told "You can't park there, it's for the doctor" hmm

Garlicandherb Wed 13-Nov-19 13:54:57

SO many, particularly in children’s books and TV - We’ve been watching Fireman Sam (fair enough, he’s a man) but the female firefighters still use the fireMAN’s pole, and can MAN the fire station telephone. Annoying.

Safestyle representative knocked on my door yesterday, I’m interested in a new front door. Said they would only come back for a quote appointment if both DH AND I were there. Refused to speak to me alone, as apparently they’ve spoken to women before, and then the husband looks at the wife’s choices and everything gets changed, and they have to come out again. I told them I’d find another company who were happy to deal with a woman on her own. What utter bollocks!!

soloula Wed 13-Nov-19 13:57:32

I'm a coke drinker (can't tolerate aspartame). DH always gets given my coke and I always get his diet coke...

He used to be a veggie and we had the same thing as others - big meaty meals to him, dainty veggie ones to me.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Wed 13-Nov-19 13:58:22

"Oo you work in a Solicitors? Are you a secretary are you?" SAID NO ONE TO A MAN EVER BUT MANY A TIME TO ME! And i had my own assistant not that it matters!!

"The managers not available?! When will HE be available?" When SHE is back from her lunch!!! wink

Miss or Mrs? ITS NOT FUCKING RELEVANT!

Passing me the wine & my male date the beer. Nope, other way round mate wink

Oooo theres LOADS i could think of. I just love proving people's stereotypes wrong though!!!

nakedavengeragain Wed 13-Nov-19 14:00:19

I do a lot of ultra long haul flights with Emirates. When DH comes along I am the booker, the payer and the Gold frequent flyer yet all the confirmations and emails are addressed to him!

I upgraded us last my year using my points and again the confirmation email was to him!

I accidentally double booked once and I called the call centre (uk based!) who asked for the booking details and said 'oh yes two bookings under Mr X'. We aren't even married. We have totally different names so there have no excuse!

81Byerley Wed 13-Nov-19 14:06:11

I have very short hair (similar to my husband's) He used to go to a barber in town, who charged £5. One day, I went in to speak to my husband whilst he was having his hair cut, and the barber said "I can do yours too, if you like...only £10".

StrictlyNameChangin Wed 13-Nov-19 14:06:26

@XXcstatic Grrrr at that one!!

I went to buy a car. Took my dad

1) Multiple sales reps constantly talking to him instead of me, even after having it pointed out
2) Multiple assumptions that I wouldn't understand anything technical and talked to my dad not me
3) I took him in the first place because it gets more sense out of a salesman (and yes, they we all men) than going by myself thlsad

(I bought a car from the first salesman who spoke to me not him and could talk sensibly to a woman about car specs.)

Not long after that my Dad's car was written off, and he wanted my help car shopping for him. I'm more savvy and a bolder negotiator!

4) When I asked a question they'd answer it to him. thlangry

timeandaplace Wed 13-Nov-19 14:07:38

This is something i've notice more and more recently.
My DH and I don't have babies but a lot of or friends do now (late twenties, early thirties), when we go visit them- the baby is always thrust upon me very quickly and the boys are suggested a trip to the pub. I don't normally mind because I am there to see my friends (usually the female) but i'd much prefer to go to the pub than hold the baby as I am not maternal at all!
I am also the breadwinner at home and look after all the finances, DH is always passed the bill and card- even if I have handed it over to start with!
Same with garages, my dad always taught me how to do practical things, like look after the car/change plugs/DIY etc. but anything in a male dominated type industry, I am always assumed to have no clue.
Started to drive me mad!!

Kit19 Wed 13-Nov-19 14:13:00

Oh god yes the amount of conversations in shops when the Male sales assistant & my own DH grrrr do the “ooooh she’s out spending your money/well I just do as I’m told ahaha” arfhggggggggg. I earn my own fucking money fgs! No one has ever said to my DH that he’s out spending my money

And yes in the great scheme of things it’s not a massive annoyance but it’s the drip drip drip reinforcing all the stereotypes about men & women & society

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