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"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

(390 Posts)
GunpowderGelatine Wed 13-Nov-19 11:43:00 know the kind of things that, if you didn't look for it you wouldn't even notice?

For example, I'm at hospital today for an outpatient appointment. I noticed that when the staff (Male and female) would call out for patients for their appointment, they would use women's full names (e.g. "Emily Dixon?") and for men they'd use their salutation ("Mr Roberts?"). Every. Single. Time.

I feel like if we look out for things like these we'd notice a lot more? Is it just me going mad or do other people have things like this happen?

AryaStarkWolf Mon 25-Nov-19 20:55:04

Oh yeah, being called "one of the lads" like I should be happy because clearly women are less than

GunpowderGelatine Mon 25-Nov-19 23:10:06

Or when in films men say (to be taken as a compliment) "You're not like other girls". WTF is wrong with other girls?!

milliefiori Mon 25-Nov-19 23:14:24

Going to buy carpets - not cars - carpets but still salesman directs his entire speech at DH and doesn't even meet my eye. Talks over me if I try and ask a question. I'm the one paying thousands of pounds for the carpets, and the job is not going to anyone who can't look women in the eye and conduct a business conversation with them.

EBearhug Tue 26-Nov-19 00:25:38

Can't stand being an "honorary man"

Yes - I pulled my colleagues up when they were leching over a new woman in the workplace. "Oh, but you don't count, you're one of us." I've had this in two separate workplaces, and it's nice to be seen as equal and all, but why does it have to be at the expense of my sex? They could see me as equal, and a woman, and be respectful about other women in the workplace.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Tue 26-Nov-19 11:58:14

Another example..

When I am driving (have been driving all over the country for over 10 years) I have noticed male passengers quite obviously check my mirrors before i change lanes. Ive never noticed a female passenger do this same thing, they just trust me to drive. Anyone else had this?

PiedImperial Tue 26-Nov-19 15:10:26

This one annoyed me, but DH & DS couldn't see any problem:

DS school recently had a big concert, at a local theatre/concert hall.

Music teachers from the school took turns to conduct pieces.

Each female conductor was presented with a bunch of flowers.

Each male conductor was presented with a bottle of wine.

I'm not sure why the women were assumed not to want wine, or the men not to want flowers confused

Soloist pupils (both boys and girls) from the school were presented with flowers - I guess they can't really give out wine to the children, even if they were mostly 6th formers! Fine.

But, why were the women given the same thank-you as the children, and the men given something different?!

undomesticgodde55 Tue 26-Nov-19 15:41:58

@Wavescrashingonthebeach I always check mirrors/look both ways and have an imaginary break on the passenger side blush it doesn't matter if a male or female is driving

katmarie Tue 26-Nov-19 15:43:51

I regularly work with my DH doing house renovations. We have an arrangement where I tend to be the gofer and he gets on with stuff on site. That means I have to go to screwfix, b&q, trade counters, etc on a regular basis. Its fascinating which staff are helpful and respectful and which ones assume I have no idea. I had one staff member in a tool shop assume I didn't know how to use the check in point in order to collect my online order. I sarcastically pointed out it's just like the one in asda so I could probably manage. He hadn't offered to help the guy in line before me. Or the guy after me.

On the other hand the shop next door seemed to work on the basis that you know what you're doing unless you ask for help, and were incredibly helpful when i did ask for help. I went in at 39 weeks and asked them to help fetch me stuff because I couldn't walk round the shop and they were great without being at all patronising. In fact I went in there so often I should probably drop in and introduce the baby. Given the choice I shopped there simply because they treated me with respect.

deydododatdodontdeydo Tue 26-Nov-19 16:09:12

But, why were the women given the same thank-you as the children, and the men given something different?!

Maybe they asked them beforehand.
Even if not, this seems to be a tradition. At weddings, the women get flowers as gifts, the men something like whiskey.
I think for big professional theatre shows, the men get flowers too, though.

BritishSleeperAgent Tue 26-Nov-19 19:23:43

Oh, too many to mention. Here are my "favorites".

At the gym, man gets off the plate-loaded leg press. I ask him if he's done or going to do another set. He tells me he's done and grabs one of the 45lb plates to slide it off. "I'll just take a few of these plates off for you." I look him straight in the eye and tell him actually, I need to put two more on.

I'm actually Dr BSA. I never changed my last name when I got married. In the car dealership, waiting for my car to be serviced, the receptionist comes up to us and addresses my husband, "Dr BSA, your car is ready." My husband grins and points at me. "Talk to her, it's her car."

Fellow academics who react with astonishment to hear that my husband has spent his life moving around the country (and later, to the US) to follow my career.

sillysmiles Tue 03-Dec-19 15:04:36

One I notice a lot on MN - only mothers know their children and can make decisions about them - fathers cannot make plans/schedules/decisions with consulting/seeking permission from the child's mother.

And I mean in situations where both parents are together - not in a separated situation.

KristinaM Tue 03-Dec-19 15:13:21

Silly - i think that’s fair If the mother is the one who keeps the diary and implements the plan for the children. Even if they are togther.

Of course if the father is the primary carer and deals with school , dentists, doctors, play dates, birthdays , Christmas, various out of school activities etc then the mother should consult him. It’s not about sex, it’s about role and responsibilities.

AnneElliott Tue 03-Dec-19 15:14:04

I don't think that's surprising Silly. Even when parents are together the dad is more often less involved than the mother ( cue hoards of mn descending to tell me the dad was main carer).

Certainly when DS was small then DH deferred to me as I did know him best.

deydododatdodontdeydo Tue 03-Dec-19 15:25:27

It might be fair that if the mother is the main organiser, the father has to check things with her before organising anything, but that directly leads to the situation which we see in many posts, where in-laws and such go directly to the mother to ask "what are you doing at xmas?", etc. and the man never gets asked.
And because the mother is more involved in the children's lives, she is the one who is asked what they want for birthday and xmas, etc.

sillysmiles Tue 03-Dec-19 17:35:47

Yes I agree, but I don't think it is healthy - either for the mother, father or children to have this idea that the father is "bumbling" and mother is "in charge". It leaves women with increased mental load and infantilises fathers - I think.

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