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"Micro" acts of every day sexism...

(390 Posts)
GunpowderGelatine Wed 13-Nov-19 11:43:00 know the kind of things that, if you didn't look for it you wouldn't even notice?

For example, I'm at hospital today for an outpatient appointment. I noticed that when the staff (Male and female) would call out for patients for their appointment, they would use women's full names (e.g. "Emily Dixon?") and for men they'd use their salutation ("Mr Roberts?"). Every. Single. Time.

I feel like if we look out for things like these we'd notice a lot more? Is it just me going mad or do other people have things like this happen?

GunpowderGelatine Wed 13-Nov-19 11:43:50

And not knowing if someone is a Miss, Mrs or Ms is no excuse - it's on the patient record.

Aderyn19 Wed 13-Nov-19 11:47:57

I'm shamelessly place marking because in all honesty I never notice any micro acts of sexism. But then again I am notoriously unobservant, so I'm curious.

sillysmiles Wed 13-Nov-19 11:50:34

I'm also place marking as I think this is fascinating topic and an interesting observation. I feel like after reading Invisible Women that it is everywhere!

BertrandRussell Wed 13-Nov-19 11:51:47

Too many to mention. Depressingly many women, and many mumsnetters will do the “Be thankful that’s all you’ve got to worry about” routine.
As somebody once said “You don’t notice all the little drips until you’ve got a sodding great brimming bucketful”

Aderyn19 Wed 13-Nov-19 11:55:43

Looking back, I think there were jobs I didn't get because, as a young woman, I was a 'risk' because I might want maternity leave at some point. I remember losing out to men who were as good as me but not better. But I don't think that counts as micro sexism.

Mercedes519 Wed 13-Nov-19 11:57:35

Aderyn19 that's full on sexism!

I noticed this at the weekend when we went to the car showroom. They started talking to DH and only talked to me once DH had pointed out that it was MY car we were looking for.

sashh Wed 13-Nov-19 12:10:33

A 2018 GCSE maths paper

"A manager pays a bonus to his three managers and seven sales men..."

Check you driving licence, women hav a title, men don't.

deydododatdodontdeydo Wed 13-Nov-19 12:19:01

Check you driving licence, women hav a title, men don't.

Isn't it the other way round?

Judashascomeintosomemoney Wed 13-Nov-19 12:19:33

This is a micro, but so bloody irritating. There was a TV clip my DD and I saw last night, (some sort of rescue at sea program I think) with events being recounted by a male witness. He described how he’d watched as a ‘lady kayaker’ was winched to safety by the rescue team. My DD said ‘Yeah, it was the only way she could escape the everyday sexism of being described as a lady kayaker instead of, you know, a kayaker!’
She’s 14, but she’s spotting it already. Not sure if that’s good or bad tbh.

Kit19 Wed 13-Nov-19 12:20:26

I remember trying to book a hotel for my friend & I, were both female & she’s a doctor. The on line form wouldn’t allow me to put her title as doctor. I tried with a male name and it worked :/

Judashascomeintosomemoney Wed 13-Nov-19 12:21:24

(She’s very familiar with the title‘every day sexism’ cos I mutter it often, so I guess she’s a bit more attuned to it now)

TreestumpsAndTrampolines Wed 13-Nov-19 12:22:01

My UK driving license had a title, my European one doesn't.

DP's UK driving license doesn't.

I would assume it's because women have the choice of 3, and men only have one, so they include it, so it's not the driving license that's sexist per se, but the whole idea that women have a title to reflect their marital status.

Lemongrasssugar Wed 13-Nov-19 12:22:10

I bought a kettlebell from argos for myself and the guy behind the counter insisted on giving it to my husband.

EmpressLesbianInChair Wed 13-Nov-19 12:22:59

Unnecessary touches, and then looks of amused confusion when you express annoyance.

I swear the next time a man puts his hands on my waist from behind to move me, my booted foot is going to shoot straight back.

MadamBatty Wed 13-Nov-19 12:35:13

Empress any man who does that gets me stepping back on his foot hard & a I didn’t see you there smile

EmpressLesbianInChair Wed 13-Nov-19 12:35:27


elQuintoConyo Wed 13-Nov-19 12:37:25

Giving me the salad and my husband the steak - waitress or waiter, doesn't matter. Every. Single. Time.

VictoriaSpongeBob Wed 13-Nov-19 12:38:22

At a previous job i was always asked to make guests drinks, clear food from meetings I wasn't in and and on one occasion Hoover the reception before a client arrived. It wasn't my job I work in HR and just happened to be the only woman who worked there.

BoogieFeet Wed 13-Nov-19 12:44:21

Ah yes, my veggie husband and I often have to swap the plates found as he is given the manly steak/burger and me the veggie option smile

Booked a holiday online recently and paid with my credit card, specified myself as lead passenger and the contact for the holiday. Still listed below my husband when I login to view holiday details.

Fishcakey Wed 13-Nov-19 12:46:16

Is it awful that I never notice these things and that even pointed out, I can't get aggrieved about it!

NonnyMouse1337 Wed 13-Nov-19 12:47:07

Wtf... That's proper sexism VictoriaSpongeBob shock

Fishcakey Wed 13-Nov-19 12:47:22

Actually I do notice one thing but it does that make me laugh - bar people always give my Guinness to my husband and his girly Bud Light to me. Every single time!

RetreatingWeasels Wed 13-Nov-19 12:49:46

Many years ago DH went to buy a new vacuum cleaner and the salesman kept trying to talk to me. I had only gone along for the ride and was less than interested in the cleaner.

Sad that it's still going on.

WatchingTheMoon Wed 13-Nov-19 12:50:22

I WISH I didn't notice but here I am every day getting wound up by the millions of things I see happening around me.

My latest one is people saying that if I have a baby girl (I'm pregnant), it will be great cos we can have girly days out and get our nails done.

If I can muster the energy to even cut my nails, I consider it top quality grooming these days but no, as I am a woman, I must be longing for a daughter so we can go and make ourselves look attractive to men.

mumofbun Wed 13-Nov-19 12:56:15

I once booked a holiday on line and put Dr as my title. When the confirmation email came through it had changed it to Mr. I had to enquire about it as i was worried it would mean i couldn't get on the plane or something and they changed it but was pretty annoyed. In another case i was making a booking over the phone and the woman asked me if it was mrs or miss...

ArnoldWhatshisknickers Wed 13-Nov-19 12:58:10

Actually I do notice one thing but it does that make me laugh - bar people always give my Guinness to my husband and his girly Bud Light to me. Every single time!

That's an interesting one. My partner doesn't drink and bar staff never accidently give me his coke and him my pint of larger.

I wonder if this is related to assumptions about who does the driving therefore who can't drink alcohol?

(in our case they'd be right, I drink, he drives, them's the rules, unless it's a 400 mile drive to London when I do the bulk)

NonnyMouse1337 Wed 13-Nov-19 12:59:04

I find staff in restaurants always hand the bill to the man I'm with.

I've had staff take my credit card or cash from me... And after the transaction hand back the card or change to the man with me. shock

Makes me laugh more than annoyed even though it's thoughtless sexism. People don't mean harm. It's just things we do without thinking because humans learn usually by unthinkingly copying others around them.

I'm dark skinned and it makes me giggle when white people are surprised that brown people get tan lines too. I don't vew it as racism or get offended. It's not something they have ever had to think about before.

I did get really angry though when I was getting a divorce and the clerk couldn't understand why I hadn't filled in my married name... And I kept telling him that I never changed my name when I married. My maiden name is my married name. And he looked thoroughly confused and insisted I correct what I had written. I was very close to losing my shit and (ex) husband was there and had to step in lol.

KaptenKrusty Wed 13-Nov-19 13:05:14

The drinks thing is always funny - I ordered a whisky with ice and my Husband and his friend ordered fancier cocktails (Daquiri's or something like that) they obs gave me the pink one and the whisky was for a man!! there was confusion over who the second pink drink was for!! hahaha

Another one is assuming the man will pay!! eeep sad

LivingDeadGirlUK Wed 13-Nov-19 13:15:07

Quite often had the drink one where my pint is passed to my partner and I am presented with the fancy cocktail.

Not noticed the bill thing, I'm sure its usually placed on the table between the two of us, rather than handed over.

The one time I ordered a large breakfast and my partner just had a small they did get this wrong but tbf we eat in there quite often and he usually does have a large breakfast.

LivingDeadGirlUK Wed 13-Nov-19 13:17:37

Actually you have just reminded me of a works Christmas do years ago, whole company type thing where they hired out a night club. A bloke I vaguely recognised as a senior member of another team pushed in front of me at the bar and when I called him out on it said 'well they will spend ages preparing your cocktail and I just want a beer'. Just given myself the rage remembering that :D

Redshoeblueshoe Wed 13-Nov-19 13:19:39

Another Guinness drinker here, my pint is always passed to my DH

SayOohLaLa Wed 13-Nov-19 13:24:47

We have a supplier at work. When you email their generic help email, you get an automated message back starting "dear sirs". Annoys me every time as the sector we work in there's broadly a 50/50 split of men and women so the person emailing is not particularly likely to be a bloke.

MadamBatty Wed 13-Nov-19 13:28:59

Went into a sofa shop with my brother. The saleswoman said ‘how much are you letting her spend today!’ He laughed

There’s an ad on an Irish language station. An elderly lady & a young man sitting outside a pub chatting. A waiter brings out a coffee & a pint of Guinness. Gives the coffee to the woman & Guinness to the man. They swop

LivingDeadGirlUK Wed 13-Nov-19 13:30:14

When it comes to work, have a technical job in a male dominated industry. I have the below happen on a weekly basis.

1) Assumed to be PA/receptionist making appointment for someone else 'and who will be attending the meeting?' etc.
2) Assumed non technical level of understanding when speaking to manufacturers or specialists.
3) Assumed to be less senior than male colleagues, questions directed to them.
4) Assumed to be in the wrong place ie shouted at when entering site along the lines of 'Oi where do you think your going?!'

Usually its just a fleeting misunderstanding but it still happens very regularly. Also find most quotes are addressed to 'Dear Sirs', even when being sent from a rep who is also a woman!

Jaxhog Wed 13-Nov-19 13:31:42

When I bought my new car, the salesman didn't want to give the bunch of flowers to my husband! Clearly a gift for the 'little woman' only.

I pay more than 5 times the sum my husband does for hair cutting. We both have short hair.

And, at technical forums (I'm in IT), many men assume I'm something to do with the catering. I'm an older woman so get micro ageism too.

Jaxhog Wed 13-Nov-19 13:34:55

Just be glad it isn't the 70s, when I had to get DH's signature on my tax return!

Hoppinggreen Wed 13-Nov-19 13:38:20

I’m a Relocation agent. Last week I was working with an American couple. She is a very high earning, CEO of a major company, he is a SAHD. Every Estate agent / school / anyone else we dealt with asked HIM if the relocation was due to HIS job
After a while she turned to me and said “this is pissing you off too isn’t it?” Yes, it certainly was!

HorseWithNoFucksToGive Wed 13-Nov-19 13:42:49

Is it awful that I never notice these things and that even pointed out, I can't get aggrieved about it!

I don't think it's awful, just a bit sad.

NonnyMouse1337 Wed 13-Nov-19 13:44:11

I pay more than 5 times the sum my husband does for hair cutting. We both have short hair.

Do you both go to the same place or does he go to the barbers and you go to a hairdresser?
I think women with short hair are better served going to a barber. Hairdressers are always so pointlessly expensive, but then I suppose they have to cover the cost of things like sinks to wash hair in and various hair products and shampoo.

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 13:51:33

If I can muster the energy to even cut my nails, I consider it top quality grooming these days but no, as I am a woman, I must be longing for a daughter so we can go and make ourselves look attractive to men

Agree, and even worse - and creepy AF - is all the protective dad stuff about baby girls and future boyfriends - dads imagining their responses to their daughters dating when that daughter is still a newborn, saying they will kill any boy who looks at her etc. Simultaneously focusing on a girl as a future sexual object while denying that she will have sexual desires. Impossible to imagine it being said of a baby boy.

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 13:53:12

When it comes to work, have a technical job in a male dominated industry

Parked in the doctor's parking space. Told "You can't park there, it's for the doctor" hmm

Garlicandherb Wed 13-Nov-19 13:54:57

SO many, particularly in children’s books and TV - We’ve been watching Fireman Sam (fair enough, he’s a man) but the female firefighters still use the fireMAN’s pole, and can MAN the fire station telephone. Annoying.

Safestyle representative knocked on my door yesterday, I’m interested in a new front door. Said they would only come back for a quote appointment if both DH AND I were there. Refused to speak to me alone, as apparently they’ve spoken to women before, and then the husband looks at the wife’s choices and everything gets changed, and they have to come out again. I told them I’d find another company who were happy to deal with a woman on her own. What utter bollocks!!

soloula Wed 13-Nov-19 13:57:32

I'm a coke drinker (can't tolerate aspartame). DH always gets given my coke and I always get his diet coke...

He used to be a veggie and we had the same thing as others - big meaty meals to him, dainty veggie ones to me.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Wed 13-Nov-19 13:58:22

"Oo you work in a Solicitors? Are you a secretary are you?" SAID NO ONE TO A MAN EVER BUT MANY A TIME TO ME! And i had my own assistant not that it matters!!

"The managers not available?! When will HE be available?" When SHE is back from her lunch!!! wink


Passing me the wine & my male date the beer. Nope, other way round mate wink

Oooo theres LOADS i could think of. I just love proving people's stereotypes wrong though!!!

nakedavengeragain Wed 13-Nov-19 14:00:19

I do a lot of ultra long haul flights with Emirates. When DH comes along I am the booker, the payer and the Gold frequent flyer yet all the confirmations and emails are addressed to him!

I upgraded us last my year using my points and again the confirmation email was to him!

I accidentally double booked once and I called the call centre (uk based!) who asked for the booking details and said 'oh yes two bookings under Mr X'. We aren't even married. We have totally different names so there have no excuse!

81Byerley Wed 13-Nov-19 14:06:11

I have very short hair (similar to my husband's) He used to go to a barber in town, who charged £5. One day, I went in to speak to my husband whilst he was having his hair cut, and the barber said "I can do yours too, if you like...only £10".

StrictlyNameChangin Wed 13-Nov-19 14:06:26

@XXcstatic Grrrr at that one!!

I went to buy a car. Took my dad

1) Multiple sales reps constantly talking to him instead of me, even after having it pointed out
2) Multiple assumptions that I wouldn't understand anything technical and talked to my dad not me
3) I took him in the first place because it gets more sense out of a salesman (and yes, they we all men) than going by myself thlsad

(I bought a car from the first salesman who spoke to me not him and could talk sensibly to a woman about car specs.)

Not long after that my Dad's car was written off, and he wanted my help car shopping for him. I'm more savvy and a bolder negotiator!

4) When I asked a question they'd answer it to him. thlangry

timeandaplace Wed 13-Nov-19 14:07:38

This is something i've notice more and more recently.
My DH and I don't have babies but a lot of or friends do now (late twenties, early thirties), when we go visit them- the baby is always thrust upon me very quickly and the boys are suggested a trip to the pub. I don't normally mind because I am there to see my friends (usually the female) but i'd much prefer to go to the pub than hold the baby as I am not maternal at all!
I am also the breadwinner at home and look after all the finances, DH is always passed the bill and card- even if I have handed it over to start with!
Same with garages, my dad always taught me how to do practical things, like look after the car/change plugs/DIY etc. but anything in a male dominated type industry, I am always assumed to have no clue.
Started to drive me mad!!

Kit19 Wed 13-Nov-19 14:13:00

Oh god yes the amount of conversations in shops when the Male sales assistant & my own DH grrrr do the “ooooh she’s out spending your money/well I just do as I’m told ahaha” arfhggggggggg. I earn my own fucking money fgs! No one has ever said to my DH that he’s out spending my money

And yes in the great scheme of things it’s not a massive annoyance but it’s the drip drip drip reinforcing all the stereotypes about men & women & society

averylongtimeago Wed 13-Nov-19 14:13:23

40 years ago when I was interviewed for a teaching post I was asked what my husband did for a living and if he minded me having a career.

Last year a young friend who is a police officer attended an incident in a shop. She is late 20's, over 6' tall and was wearing full kit: hi-viz, anti stab vest, all the equipment. She was with a younger lower ranking male colleague. The shop manager walked past her and addressed the male, even though she was clearly in charge and even after being directed to speak to her by the other officer.

WeeMadArthur Wed 13-Nov-19 14:15:52

We don’t eat out much but every time my DH orders fish, or a risotto I get handed it instead and he gets my steak!

I took out an RSPB family membership, filled in the form with my details first, then DHs , payment was from my bank account. First letter from them was addressed to Mr & Mrs. I contacted them and told them that it was sexist and to change it to be Mrs & Mr, and they did. It really annoyed me that they would actually go to the trouble of inputting the data against the order I had filled in the form, just to make sure that the man took precedence!

deydododatdodontdeydo Wed 13-Nov-19 14:21:45

I drink Guinness and DH drinks fancy craft ales in 1/2 pint glasses, so I wouldn't be suprised if staff mixed them up.

But the waiter/waitress always does exactly the same thing - brings the drinks to the table and says "Guiness?" to which I reply "mine". They never presume, and they never presume with the food either. It's pretty weird to do that and I've only ever heard about it on MN, not in real life.

Itsjustmee Wed 13-Nov-19 14:24:53

When paying for a bill in a restaurant without fail they always give it to my husband despite the fact that I always ask for the bill and I always pay for the meal on the credit card

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 14:25:25


Took my dad with me to pick up my new car, just because he fancied a nose around the showroom. I had done all the negotiations, I paid for it. Salesman hands the key to my dad angry

DCIRozHuntley Wed 13-Nov-19 14:29:28

@WeeMadArthur on the "Mr & Mrs" thing, when my mum had a joint mortgage with her XH in the 1980s, the bank did a share giveaway. Shares can only be owned by an individual but the computer system (apparently) could only possibly allocate them all to one recipient per account, and that had to be the first person named on a joint account. Obviously, because we say Mr & Mrs, it was always the man who got them. She's still furious 35 years later.

Ringdonna Wed 13-Nov-19 14:37:08

Hmmm Ihave many appts, never seen this happen.

Wishiwascrafty Wed 13-Nov-19 14:37:19

I work as a doctor in an emergency department.
‘My name is wish, I’m one of the doctors. What’s brought you to the ED tonight?’
Discussion. Examination. Likely diagnosis and plan provided to patient.
‘Thanks nurse’ or ‘can I see the doctor?’ Every day. Not every patient but at least one every day.

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 14:40:52


The ED where I worked received a written complaint that a patient "had only seen a nurse". I had done a full neuro exam. The icing on the cake was that the patient turned out to be an off-duty member of hospital staff hmm

KnickerBockerAndrew Wed 13-Nov-19 14:41:27

DP's mother is ill and in hospital. When he goes to see her, hospital staff always make a fuss of him- he's been called an angel, a blessing, an amazing son etc. OTOH, his sister, who has been there every single day does all of MIL's washing, helps her with the commode, doesn't get any of this praise. (TBF DP always points out how amazing his sister is.) I'm really surprised that doctors and nurses do this- they're otherwise lovely.

whoami24601 Wed 13-Nov-19 14:42:23

When I went to collect DD's new bike from Halfords (I was the one who had taken her to choose it and paid for it) young male shop assistant showing me all the bits and pieces - 'this is how you adjust it. I'm sure you're husband will have a spanner at home.' angry

beethebee Wed 13-Nov-19 14:44:50

I also work in a technical field in a male-dominated industry.

Generally I am alone in the office, but have a part-time male assistant.

If he is in and a new client comes in they invariably look to him to try to organize their site visit. He knows how much to pisses me off and has taken to saying ' I'm just here to look pretty. If you want someone to come on site you need to talk to Bee'.

Strangely, if clients are coming in for admin tasks, they are quite happy to talk to me.

If I'm alone in the office, I'm frequently asked to pass a message on to the person who'll be coming on site. I have had clients literally exclaim with surprise that I'd be coming myself and even had one tell me very doubtfully that I couldn't come in heels, and would have to have steel-toe boots. hmm Couldn't hold back the eye-roll on that one.

LivingDeadGirlUK Wed 13-Nov-19 14:50:32

@beethebee wow makes me glad I only get this over the phone!

Choccyp1g Wed 13-Nov-19 14:50:38

The worst I heard recently was that terrible child murder that was reported yesterday.
The first time I heard the news item it said " A mother who murdered her children was sentenced......" then eventually added that the father was also found guilty of the crime.
Later bulletins did correct it to "Parents who murdered their children..."

Binglebong Wed 13-Nov-19 15:04:28

With the Mr and Mrs thing it could be that it is processed automatically and is done alphabetically. Sometimes that will be first names or surnames but often it is on the title - so it would go Miss, Mr, Mrs if all were listed.

Of course, that is no excuse for not using Dr etc!

Aroundtheworldin80moves Wed 13-Nov-19 15:05:11

When DD1 was a baby, DH took her for her vaccinations as I hadn't passed my driving test. He was always asked if I knew she was having them and consented.

I was never asked if he had consented when I took her!

Wavescrashingonthebeach Wed 13-Nov-19 15:33:25

"Dear Sirs.." isnt sexist.. its just a generic term with obvious roots in a more sexist past, but nowadays its to be presumed the recipients could be any gender. Same as "manning" the firestation i see that as a term for both genders.

Its like nowadays Actor is gender neutral. You can still say Actress, however when we talk about the actors on set, we use it meaning both genders.

catspyjamas123 Wed 13-Nov-19 15:34:03

I’m the only woman in my department. If some technical/maintenance person comes to fix something they always speak to my colleagues - even when I’m the one in charge!

catspyjamas123 Wed 13-Nov-19 15:35:46

And of course every time I ring an insurance company or utility they always ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - I always say Ms but feel like saying “mind your own business, do you ask the men their marital status?” This is finally done less often these days.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Wed 13-Nov-19 15:36:24

As for the technical job comments, I briefly worked for a company which imported shiploads of a particular product. The terminal manager is a woman. Hard hat, hi viz the full shebang. She told me that people walking into the terminal often walk straight past her & go straight to the oldeat male hmm

LikeothersIamjustme Wed 13-Nov-19 15:47:35

Cold callers in particular always assume I am the secretary and when they are told we are not interested in their product they are insistent that a manager or owner of the business would be. I own 50% and make the majority of decisions.
Servers always assume the Diet Coke is for me and the Coke for him (but I previously assumed because he was a bigger build to me).
Technical conversations always directed at the man.
But the one that really annoyed me recently was when asking if they sold 'Sidi' shoes in Evans being told they dont sell high heels.
I think these little things happen so often and have done for so long that we become immune to then, but we shouldn't, they should be pointed out for the shit they are!

suspended Wed 13-Nov-19 15:53:53

My pint of ale is ALWAYS given to my partner. Every time.

I work in tech. I'm often the only woman in the room and the most senior. Approval is often directed at the male lead (who then has to turn to me and ask if it's ok)

DrPimplePopper Wed 13-Nov-19 15:55:38

When shopping for new bathroom fixtures, the sales bloke hadn't been talking to me, but only my husband. When he tried to sell a toilet by switching his eye contact finally from husband to me saying 'it lifts off at the hinges for you love, easy cleaning'. I walked away without another word. Not sure if that's micro or not!

BouquetOfRoses Wed 13-Nov-19 16:04:34

Yes to staff in car garages/car retailers/ white goods talking to DH & making all eye contact with him, even if it's my purchase!

The assumption that "Mum" will work PT or be a SAHP while Dad works FT. The assumption all working women will become PT after having kids.

Tradespeople assuming I'm married, asking me to run quotes past "your man" for a decision. This includes when they know nothing about my title or who lives in our home

TheShoesa Wed 13-Nov-19 16:06:32

I went to a meeting at Derby University Enterprise Centre today. On the ground floor there are 3 available toilets.
1) Mens (Picture of person in trousers - I was wearing a skirt or might have braved it!!)
2) Accessible (Picture of person in wheelchair)
3) No picture, huge sign saying Gender Neutral

I went in there. Standard cubicles opening onto washbasin area. I will be emailling Derby university to ask (a) why there aren't separate Women's toilets and (b) why the Gents isn't the gender neutral space

OhDear2200 Wed 13-Nov-19 16:12:55

What, what, what TheShoesa

That’s terrible.

ifIwerenotanandroid Wed 13-Nov-19 16:14:34

Empress, in a crowded shop a man put one hand on the back of my waist to move me - I automatically stiffened my whole body away from his hand in a show of offence AND HE APOLOGISED!

But stepping back onto his foot sounds like a good plan, too. wink

Cardy24 Wed 13-Nov-19 16:16:48

I was due a tax rebate earlier this year, they sent me a cheque but it was made out to Mrs instead of Miss, despite me putting Miss on the form. I tried paying it in to my bank but it was refused, purely due to the incorrect title. I phoned HMRC to ask if they could re-issue the cheque with my correct title, they told me it would take eight weeks angry so annoying and unnecessary.

This week I've been looking for a new hiking rucksack. One national retailer has 89 rucksacks on their website. If you filter it to show women's rucksacks only that number then goes down to 3.
Another retailer has 1568 rucksacks, but only 85 of these are for women. I don't want a rucksack cut for a man/ unisex.

DCIRozHuntley Wed 13-Nov-19 16:18:15

TheShoesa I went to Derby Uni and I know the loos you mean. Surely they can't do that? (Legally I don't think they can)

catspyjamas123 Wed 13-Nov-19 16:27:17

Women should start using the men’s loos at Derby Uni - as we are not provided with any of our own. Or pee in the pot plants??!!

MikeUniformMike Wed 13-Nov-19 16:32:19

You mention you asked your doctor/dentist/accountant/manager something, and the person you are telling will ask " What did he say?".

Stand up meetings at work. The taller team members talk directly over the heads of the rest of us. Not necessarily sexist.

Talk of recruiting a new technical architect or software developer, and what he will be responsible for.

Attended an event recently and about the third of the speakers were female. The men speakers were generally tall and in business casual, some quite scruffy
The women speakers were smartly dressed and well groomed.
Not sure if that is sexist but it was noticeable.

Being called " love" or " darling" in a shop. Please don't. You don't know me.

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 16:34:45

"Dear Sirs.." isnt sexist.. its just a generic term with obvious roots in a more sexist past, but nowadays its to be presumed the recipients could be any gender

Oh come off it. 'Dear Sirs" wasn't sexist when all the senior management of all organisations were male. It is now. It needs to change, in the same way as we have changed many other naming conventions, such as calling Mark Jones' wife Mrs Mark Jones, instead of Mrs Sarah Jones (which would previously have meant she was divorced).

Funny how it is almost always women who are expected not to mind being excluded by language. So "Dear Sirs" is still widely used but senior male nurses are called charge nurses, not Sister.

MikeUniformMike Wed 13-Nov-19 16:37:35

Newspaper articles about a woman usually add her age. They generally don't for a man.

The sports sections of newspaper rarely have anything on women's sport. If it is something like beach volleyball it will be in the main section.

BouquetOfRoses Wed 13-Nov-19 16:39:09

I'm a manager in financial services, when customers want a manager they almost always presume I will be a man and use make pronouns in their request

TheShoesa Wed 13-Nov-19 16:39:15


I will email them, it really pisses me off that it's always 'budge up you women'

I don't think they are legally allowed to either, although there were separate ladies and gents toilets upstairs.

Cismyfatarse Wed 13-Nov-19 16:42:08

DD and DS both late teenagers both working in the same restaurant.

DS gets asked where he is going after the summer or which university he attends.

DD is assumed to be in a permanent job clearing plates and wiping tables.

GunpowderGelatine Wed 13-Nov-19 16:44:03

Re Derby Uni - women should use the men's loos and maybe leave their used sanitary protection lying around? Gross I know but it might actually prompt people to realise how absurd it is also this gender neutral bollocks

BlingLoving Wed 13-Nov-19 16:46:27

Not a sexism one but a racism one I overheard the other day and made me want to scream. Two middle aged men in discussion, one white, one black. White one is some kind of manager for our local library/community centre (I've' seen him before). Based on conversation, the black man works there. Black man trying to make a point. White man says, while putting his finger to his lips, "shhhh, I'm talking."

Although not sure that's micro racism or pure full on racism!

TheShoesa Wed 13-Nov-19 16:46:32

I'm much braver behind a keyboard than in real life, so I probably wouldn't have dared go into the gents alone (even if I had been wearing trousers!!) although will send a terse email.

BlingLoving Wed 13-Nov-19 16:48:48

One example I had was a potential client was OUTRAGED when I quoted him a fee he thought was too high. Fair enough. Except his arguments were loud, offensive and rude and I don't for one second believe he would have spoken to a male consultant with 20 years experience in that tone. He was actually ANGRY at me for daring to suggest a fee (the irony is that I'd offered him a reduced fee because of how he'd been introduced as a favour. hahahaha. If I ever see him again I might have to accidentally drop a few old invoices to other clients).

MadamBatty Wed 13-Nov-19 16:51:27

BlingLoving that’s knobism. I feckin bite his finger if he did that to me

catspyjamas123 Wed 13-Nov-19 16:54:00

It’s interesting - what would happen if a woman did use the gents. Get arrested? Thrown out? Complaints? But it’s ok for a person of indeterminate gender to use the ladies.

CeridwenTheWitch Wed 13-Nov-19 16:54:16

I've had problems in various jobs with men expecting me to make the tea. Like it's still 1952. I've found I've needed to be very blunt and have strong boundaries otherwise they try to turn you into the general tea lady/cleaner despite not being employed to do this kind of work.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling Wed 13-Nov-19 16:57:24

Being warned that a certain food was very spicy in a restaurant and asked if I was sure I wanted that, but 16 year very tall ds had already ordered it for himself and received no such warning.

sillysmiles Wed 13-Nov-19 17:03:01

"Dear Sirs.." isnt sexist.. its just a generic term.... since when has dear sirs meant anything other than men??? confused

grafittiartist Wed 13-Nov-19 17:04:38

Last week dh and I went for a meeting at the bank- all set up by me, my name on the appointment.
The employee comes out of the booth to say won't be long mr graffiti. Then when it's our turn says to dh, in you come.
Dh sat next to me, knowing how pissed off I would be!
Bank employee did apologise though.

chrisrobin Wed 13-Nov-19 17:12:39

We have the drink mix ups too, DH has lemonade and I drink Cola. We first noticed about 5 years ago and watch for it every time we go out for a meal, 90% of the time the server will give the Cola to DH and the lemonade to me, even if they took the order in the first place.

XXcstatic Wed 13-Nov-19 17:13:43

Newspaper articles about a woman usually add her age. They generally don't for a man

They are also much more likely to define a woman by her relationship to other people, than by her job. So it's usually "mum of two, Katie" for a woman vs "Dave, a milkman" for a man.

beethebee Wed 13-Nov-19 17:18:51

Yes, the Obituaries in newspapers are famous for this. Notable women with have loads about their families, their work-life balance or even their looks angry.

Men's obits are almost always focused on their achievements with a line or 2 at the end to describe family, if that.

neonglow Wed 13-Nov-19 17:22:18

The classic ‘does your husband do much to help you round the house?’ ‘Does he babysit/help with the children?’ 🙄

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