A temporary cessation of hostilities

[ScarletBegonias]

I know how serious all this is – but there may be no harm in a little light relief from time to time.

So - has anyone else found themselves watching the football and fantasising about a game between Trans Rights Activists (or whatever they’d like to call themselves) and … shall we say … a Mumsnet Team of Everyday Radical Feminists? (Or maybe a team called Spartacus?) After all, there was a temporary cessation of hostilities at Christmas 1914 during which English and German troops apparently played football with each other.

Here are some extracts from how the commentary might go:

“That was a dangerous run by Munroe Bergdorf, neatly blocked at the last minute by AngryAttackKittens.”

“Keeper Jane Fae has put the knitting down in the corner of the net as Datun steps up to take the penalty.”

“SwearyGodmother has been shown a yellow card for something she said to the referee.”

“Bowlofbabelfish, Spontaneousgiventime, and LangCleg are in the wall as Paris Lees gets ready to take the free kick.”

“We can see how important the preparation was, with R0wantrees briefing the team on the opposition’s tactics in previous matches.”

“The referee is running over to an incident involving the realposieparker and Lily Madigan.”

You can paint your own mental pictures of what the spectators might look like!

Okay. Back to reality.

[RubyShooFan]

Ooh we could change the threads to ‘I am Sportacus’ until the World Cup is over?

[Theinconstantgardener]

I am Sportacus
great!

[Ereshkigal]

[Popchyk]

That did make me laugh.

[Popchyk]

Alan Hanson, commentating, says:

"Red card for Popchyk there for misgendering. Cynical. You just cannae do that in the modern game".

[heresyandwitchcraft]

"Match commentator Graham Linehan has been attacked by fellow commentator Owen Jones for daring to say that team Mumsnet has scored some points and seems to be playing a fair game. Jones is in time-out in his own media room, which we have furnished with soft toys and soundproofed so as not to offend his delicate sensibilities."

[heresyandwitchcraft]

Also, in my head I might call team Mumsnet team "Magdalen". In honor of the person whose videos first introduced me to this issue.

[SwearyG]

There seems to be a bit of a fracas on the pitch as team TRA are adamant that team Spartacus, with their ladybrains, are unable to fully understand the offside rule. Much ladysplaining going on by team TRA (strangely indistinguishable from mansplaining), we hope that play resumes shortly.

[TerfsUp]

What a great post. Thank you, SwearyG.

The whole thread is making me laugh.

[Popchyk]

Disagreement among the commentators in what is proving to be a tetchy match-up.

Graham Linehan stating that Spartacus lead by 2-0 with Owen Jones responding that Linehan has just denied the existence of Team TRA and that Linehan is on the wrong side of history.

Over to Maria Miller and Ricky Gervais in the studio.

[LaSqrrl]

Oh shit. I know nothing about sport, or sportstering or whatever the fuck! This is my knowledge void. Carry on!

[LangCleg]

Who's gonna score the hand of God goal? Eh?

[Popchyk]

Controversy as Team TRA want to make an unusual substitution.

They want to put in Danielle Muscato up front for Team Spartacus, despite the protestations of Team Spartacus.

The ref is forced to consult the new inclusion rulebook.

And it's been allowed.

[TerfsUp]

Diego Madonna, of course.

[PlectrumElectrum]

Thanks OP, this made me giggle. I think Magdalen Berns should be the team manager, just one look 👀 and the whole team know their jobs.

[FermatsTheorem]

The Alan Hansen gag is comedy gold, Popchyk.

[ShowOfHands]

It's half time. Less than 50% of Team TRA are playing for their starting team, nobody knows which changing room to use and one lone player has self identified as the referee and is demanding a full enquiry.

[FermatsTheorem]

More half time shenanigans. Someone has hacked the Wikipedia entry on Dick Kerr Ladies and retrospectively transed them on the basis that some of them had short hair and they all clearly liked football. They are now suspected of being the people who really started the Stonewall riots.

[madja]

Nothing to add, you are all far more eloquent than me.

[spontaneousgiventime]

I don't know the first thing about football, so what being in the wall means is a mystery. I have a mean pair of pointy elbows and a kill you on the spot stare, would they help?

[Kettlepotblackagain]

It's half time. Less than 50% of Team TRA are playing for their starting team, nobody knows which changing room to use and one lone player has self identified as the referee and is demanding a full enquiry.

[AngryAttackKittens]

In an exciting new development, Team TRA have demanded that own goals count as goals against Team Sportacus.

[GahWhatever]

< It was always going to end in chaos when they scheduled the match for a Friday>

[spontaneousgiventime]

< It was always going to end in chaos when they scheduled the match for a Friday>

Cough, cough, splutter, splutter - that made me choke laughing.

[UpstartCrow]

Men are miles better at football, therefore the ManFriday team are bound to win.